Fear of CSEC first timers please dont read.

[CrawlingInMySkin]

Hi this is my third pg and this will sound silly but all through my other two pg I would wake up every night afraid of a section, and it has started again. Even though I have not had one I will explain why I am scared when I was 13 my sister was born via Ecsec. My mother had a general anaesethic. My father dropped me off at visiting times then went back home to get a surprise ready for when my mum came home when I visited the nurse (I am uncerain she was a nurse as I was young) came roung and my mother complained she could feel a trickeling in her scar.

Without warning the nurse ripped my mothers dressing off and I saw everything, however that is not the worst bit. The stitches seemed to have come apart slightly and bits of skin were bulging out of the stitches the nurse grabbed a scissors and started cutting them off. After she went my mother who was in agony said that nurse had also messed up her IV and she had told her it wasn't right but she wouldn't listen, my mother said her arm started to feel like it was swelling and the doctor came and sorted it out. My mother asked that I go fetch the doctor and make sure that nurse was not there.

So I went told the doctor my mum was in a lot of pain and frightened and could he help he said he was busy a minute and would go as soon as he could. I went to the vending machine for a drink and when I went back the curtains were drawn but I assumed my mum was feeding or changing and walked straight in. As I did the doctor took the dressing off and all my mums stiches had come undone. He panicked and everyone started rushing around and she was rushed into theatre i remember her lastw ords being look after your sister it will be okay, at which point i vomited in the sink and then sat down and craddled my sister . I had to wait between 30minutes might of been a hour with all thoose images and very scared. I should of phoned my dad but I was scare because my mum said to look after my sister. My mum still has physical problems because of what the nurse did (the nurse was struck off) and I cant really discuss it because my mum was very traumatised and does not need the mental image of what I saw. But my mother didn't want to go to court because she said that the NHS dont have enough money and if she gets loads of compensation then someone else will be underfunded and have a bad experience.

If any of my details were off I am sorry it is because I was 13 at the time but even now thinking about what I saw I want to throw up and I can remeber the fear of being sat waiting for my mum or someone to tell me what was going on and that is why I am so scared of needing a section they suggeste one on ds as he was back to back and after 20 hours of constant contractions I had not dilate and I started howling and screaming my mum and my partner told him regardless of how much pain I was in he was only to csec if my babies life was threatened I am so scared if I ever need one I wont let them and my baby will be hurt as a result.

Have you sought any councelling? For what happened when you were young and what sounds like a difficult previous birth? I really think that in situations like this it's really worth going to see a birth councellor or similar. I'm seeing someone at the moment about the opposite, scared at the thought of a vaginal birth, and i don't think i'm ever going to get over it but it does seem to be easing a little.

Also how long ago (roughly) was this experience? It may be worth looking into how things have changed in this time, for example the actual surgical technique and recovery (on the whole) is much improved and the scar is pretty tiny now concidering. There are good experience of c-section threads on here that may be worth reading as they might reassure you a little that it does not have to be an awful experience.

Sorry I couldn't be more help, i'm sure someone with more personal experience will be along soon.

I have had counselling for other things but not not for this. Sorry to hear about your experience. I had a good scond birth, but I am worried as I have heard things like breech positions go up with each birth. Actually you have given good advice I always stay out of csec threads but it might help me thank you.

It was 10 years ago and the stiches undone because of something to do with my mum not holding stitches well after she came back she had stiches and staples? and if she had any more she would have needed staples again, so I worry the same could happen if I had a csec. Could I put on a birth plan if a csec is needed I want staples as well?

you were a good help thank you.

Firstly, speaking from my own experience, this is NOT a typical section aftermath. Secondly, things are very different with every passing year with childbirth: 10 years will have made a LOT of difference.

Thirdly, and most important for your mum, the NHS has special insurance for cases like hers and ABSOLUTELY NO-ONE else would be 'underfunded and have a bad experience'. The same way you wouldn't leave claiming on your car insurance for fear it might mean other people couldn't get a payout - she needs to communicate with PALS at her hospital and find out if it's too long ago to claim.

Fourthly it tends to be down to the individual surgeon which closure method they prefer (from memory I think the staple gun's harder to use left handed, things like that) - but you can always make a request and talk it through with the team and see what they say.

I think your best course of action is to talk through the experience with your midwife, if you haven't already, and make sure that every member of the team is aware of your objections to a section. At the end of the day (and definitely speaking from experience here) if a section is necessary, it's necessary. There are only two routes out of your body available to modern science at the moment: the door or the sunroof!

It may also be worth considering asking to put under GA if a section is necessary if you think you are going to be really stressed through the procedure.

Thanks Trinaluce I will pass that on to my mum although it is entirely possible she had other reasons and didn't want to tell me.

I am aware that other sections do not usually happen like that but like a woman who has had a bad birth or seen a bad birth and is scared (even though not all births are like that) I am still scared and keep thinking what if my body is like hers and wont take stiches, if I needed a emergency I dont think I would have a choice however if my baby was breech and I needed a elective I would worry that I would reefuse.

Personally I would prefer a epidural (that may not be possible because I have not had one for pain relief in my last births) because what struck me the most was my mothers helplessness. The fact that she was put under GA twice.

Thanks for your advice about telling my MW that sounds like a excellent idea I will do that, I also put on my notes that csec only if life threatening to me or baby and my partner would fight for that if it happened.

The more you talk it through beforehand the less you're going to need to explain when you're high on gas and air!

I'm not clear on why you think you wouldn't be able to have an epidural this time?

No I mean I dont want a epidural for labor and have not on my other two births so if a csec was needed I am unsure if I could have a csec performed with a epidural or if they would need to hurry and use GA.

It depends how urgent it is really - but your hospital shouldn't let it get to the stage where it's so urgent there's no time.

I would say you've had two natural births so another one is the most likely outcome barring a stubborn breech etc!

Sounds horrendous. You poor thing. You must try to get some sort of counselling for this!

If you have had two vaginal births it is highly unlikely you will need a section, but you cannot let your fear of what would (if it were to happen) undoubtedly be a procedure to save you/your child's life.

I have had two sections and find graphic scenes of vaginal birth most upsetting and gory, btw. Most sections are NOT like your mum's.