So... how common is tearing...?

[ChessyEvans]

This is something that terrifies me! From watching OBEM this is never mentioned, but then neither is delivering placenta etc which I know has to happen after the baby comes (forgive my complete ignorance about childbirth, I will be going to NCT! )

So I was just wondering, do most people get some tearing? And if so, what happens . Do you have to just lie there getting all stitched back together? Or whisked off to theatre? Or do you get left for a bit to bond with your new baby and then sorted out afterwards?

Am sure the answer to all of the above will be "it depends" but interested to hear any experiences. I'm planning on having a water birth if that affects anything?

I have had two tears, luckily for me both first degree. I think everyone else had covered the key points about the tear itself, but I wanted to say that after the first one I learned that it while it heals it hurts when you wee!

BUT I discovered that if you drink only lemon barley water and/or cranberry juice it changes the ph of your wee and it doesn't hurt at all! With number 2 I was prepared and had a bottle of lemon barley water in my hospital bag!

I was petrified about tearing/cutting ans stitches. Had a waterbirth with my son (first baby) and just had a little labial laceration. Didn't need stitches and I can't tell where it was. Good luck!

With DD1 (DC1) I had a second degree tear and a vaginal wall tear. I swore blind that I hadn't torn at all because I couldn't feel it. I was given some local anaesthetic and sutured in the delivery room after everything else had been dealt with (DD1 was prem, so whisked off to NNU, placenta took a long time to come out and then I had a PPH). About half an hour after being stitched I started to get sore. This turned into pain so bad that I couldn't sit down. I assumed that this was normal for a vaginal birth as I hadn't given birth before. It turns out that I had a haematoma forming under the sutures of my vaginal wall tear. Having given birth without any pain relief I had to go to theatre the next day to have the haematoma evacuated and lots more sutures under a spinal anaesthetic. After this I only had niggly discomfort from the sutures (and I had A LOT of sutures because they had a hard time sorting me out in theatre).

However, for DD2 and DS1 I didn't tear at all. I didn't even get any grazing. DD1 was only 6lb 3OZ whilst DD2 was 7lb 9oz and DS1 was 7lb 8oz so don't go thinking that baby size has anything to do with it (I have a friend who had a 10lb 4oz baby with no pain relief and no tearing). I gave birth to DD1 on my back and DD2 and DS1 on all fours.

I hope that I've not scared you. And if it helps at all, I don't have any problems now from the tearing that I did have from DD1 so don't panic if you do tear badly.

I had an episiotomy which was ok compared to my coccyx breaking when they pulled DD out.
:(

If you do tear, hire a valley cushion through your local NCT and do your pelvic floor exercises - they will really help. Is horrid even after a good birth and people are remarkably unsympathetic!

DS1 - 3rd degree tear (came out hand on head...), didn't feel tear at all. Had a spinal tap & registrar stitched me up in theatre. Had no problems with recovery.
DS2 - 2nd degree tear, left to heal without stitches, healed perfectly.
DD1 - 2nd degree tear again left to heal naturally and healed perfectly.
Absolutely recommend perineal massage - did this for DS2 and DD1 & feel this is why I healed so well.
Listen to your midwife as much as possible when she tells you not to push although I found this nigh on impossible!
Absolutely agree with other poster about leaning forward when you wee and do try the jug thing (pour water over yourself as you wee) these helped no end.
Of the people I know who've given birth some did tear others didn't so I guess it is luck of the draw but it isn't as awful as you may fear! Good luck!

I've had 2 babies and didn't tear with either of them. Sort of hoping I do with my next one so OH isn't able to crack the same old joke about me having a big hole. Could have slapped him at both births for it lol.

Is it a "normal part of childbearing"? I didn't tear at all. It was my 1st child and labour was fairly quick - 2.5 hours in total, with 21 minutes "pushing stage" (I didn't push though, it just happened) and I had no tearing. It was a home water birth though and I have read that water can help avoid tears - it seemed to work for me. I attended local NHS classes and they did prepare me for many different eventualities. They show you all the instruments that can be used and explain what each one is used for and when and you pass them around to look at which does help dispel fear although it makes you even more determined to try to avoid needing to use them in theh first place!

it makes you even more determined to try to avoid needing to use them in the first place

SERIOUSLY?? Wait a minute, you're right, I distinctly remember choosing a 44 hour labour, choosing for my son to get stuck, choosing for the Obstetrician to spend almost and hour and half yanking my son out with ventouse that cut into his tiny head, and choosing the episiotomy and third degree tear.

Just because you had a, frankly, PISS EASY time of it doesn't mean the rest of us are so lucky, so please don't come on here rubbing it in our faces.

The words "LONG WALK, SHORT PIER" spring to mind.

Prepare with perineal massage DS1 born after protracted labour but no tearing, I think due to perineal massage I did prior to birth using almond oil (from pharmacy i think). DS2 shot out after short labour and one push, again no tear, used oil again. Ten years later, DS3 came along but I forgot the almond oil. Horrible drawn out 2nd stage, and resulted in 3rd degree tear which was totally botched up when stitched.I would definitely recommend anyone else to go with massage/oil and also, DO look carefully with a mirror to see what your vulva looks like because it may be a tad different after the birth Good luck - its all worth it of course .

With my two I had stitvches after for both - big babies with big heads born v. fast and painlessly, but the key thing seemed to be my skin wasn't elastic! I had stretch marks at puberty - and that was filling out a bit from a twig nothing extreme... So lots of stretch marks in pregnancy and my insides just stretched and tore too so it must be genetic.
If I knew then what I know now I would have had a Cesarean to save my insides. After years of depression and no sex life I finally got a vaginal repair which has improved things but not before hearing more than one consultant ask why I was making a fuss when 'women should know that this is a natural consequence of birth'!!! Makes me shudder just remembering their heartlessness.
So no worries about the birth but look after your body if you get bad stretch marks and demand a caesar... I so wish I had and resent the fact that women who know never let on and left their sisters to suffer.
My children are fantastic and no regrets there and I reall enjoyed pregnancy and had no pain giving birth; wasn't even aware first stage was happening so no issues there.

My first birth was hospital,back to back 24 hours no pain relief but I didn't tear, I also delivered on my back, I didnt do any prenatal massages.

2nd birth 13 hours 2 minute pushing stage still no tears. I think I must just have a bucket fanny

3C tear wtih first and everything you can imagine i had

healed within a few months then no major incontinence issues

second time round faster quicker and less painful and not much time for pain relief and no intervention thank god

must add that I did not get a chance to breathe the baby out
had to push as hard as possible sitting on the bed which I thought would cause me to tear but had small epis in a different place to old one and healed within 2 weeks
has definitely not put me off having another
but to wait a bit now

Hi, my sis has had 2 babies and didn't tear on either. Something to do with holding off pushing too hard at last minute when head comes through. Plus yes the perineal massage throughout pregnancy is meant to help, but my sister didn't do this.
With my baby I did get a 2nd degree tear but I think the word 'tear' is misleading as it is not like a sudden tear like paper, it is more like a stretching or parting. Plus I would agree with the others that you don't really feel it, and anyway it is likely to happen near the end so you are then presented with your beautiful baby and you instantly forget it in a new midst of amazement, pride and love-or just sheer exhaustion and relief! As for the stitches, really no big deal and all back to normal within a few weeks. Tbh honest often when I am telling my 'birth story' I forget about the tear, which shows how insignificant it is in the grand scheme, but my sister- who, btw is of slim build and very 'neat' if you get me!- is good proof that it is entirely possible to avoid it.

I had second degree tearing - It was my biggest fear. The first midwife I had was brilliant she comforted me by saying she'll do everything to prevent it but the key is to listen to her when she coaches me through pushing. Unfortunately she left before the pushing phase started and I got the midwfie from hell, who told me "you will tear just get that through your head", yes she was charming! (BTW refuse an agency midwife - point blank! everyone i know who had an agency midwife had a terrible experience)
After the birth midwife stitched me.
Its now 15 weeks after the birth and having reconstruction surgery on friday as midwife ballsed it up! I doubt I would have torn , had I had my first midwife she was calm and gentle. I just felt comfortable in her care. I think key is to listen to your body and midwife.

Dont be afraid to go on hands and knees (facing the Headboard) its helps! Dont let anyone make you sit lie in an uncomfortable position.

Good luck - Most people I know who has had second degree tearing healed well. My midwife was just S*%t!

I had a water birth with dd1, no tears, and a 'dry land' delivery with dd2, 6 minute second stage, no tearing. I had thought it was the water that made the difference with dd1 but evidently not. My main memory of labour with dd2 was the mw saying "try not to push" and panting for what felt like hours - was encouraged to kneel up against the end of the bed so she could support the baby's head as it crowned, and then all the panting to try and avoid the urge to push. So, if towards the end of labour the mw tells you to try and stop pushing, do your very best to follow her advice.

Fully acknowledge that I was very lucky, but the panting is about the only thing I had any control over so am certain it helped.

Though tearing or episiotomy is very common, there is some advice out there increase your chance of avoiding it, e.g giving birth upright, allowing time for streching, perineum massage etc. Don't know how effective these strategies are (I had an episiotomy too) but still worth reading and bearing in mind.