More frightened the second time round.

[neepsntatties]

My first birth started well, stayed at home for ages. It hurt but I coped. Car journey was a bit grim as I coudln't get comfortable. When I got to the hospital the midwives told me to come to triage first, I don't think they believed that my labour was that far on but when they examiend me they said I was fully dilated and coudln't believe I had been at home for so long and that the baby was just about to arrive.

I then had four hours of pushing as DS was back to back. After about an hour they broke my waters and at that point things just became unmanageable for me and I got scared. I asked for pethidine which got me through the last hour or so.

I actually feel more frightened about childbirth this time round. I have no idea what to write on my birth plan this time either as I just feel like I don't know what will happen. I really want to be positive about it but keep having moments of total terror. Any advice?

Hi
I felt very similar to you this time last year, just before the birth of my second baby. I hadn't much enjoyed my first labour (who does?!) as it was very medicalised, lots of procedures etc. I didn't want to go through that again but am happy to report that 2nd time round was totally different, couldn't have been more so! It was very relaxed, easy to manage and seemed as though my body sort of said, 'hang on, I remember this, don't we just sort of push...?' To go from induction, waters broken and epidural to water birth with no pain relief needed was quite a difference!!
I did listen to some hypnobirthing CD's a couple of times and read Ina May Gaskin's book, both of which I think helped a lot. I think the key thing for me was to get myself into a more positive and relaxed state of mind.
Hope it goes as well for you
x

I remember feeling exactly the same way, I had a traumatic 1st birth with a large back to back baby and was dreading the 2nd time. All I can say was that I made a concerted effort to "go with the flow" and allow my body to take over.

Second birth was wonderful, 2.5hrs long, 2nd stage 2 mins, baby 10lb7. It was calm and relaxed and I felt far more at ease, my body did all the work. The key letting your body take over, it is when we get frightened that not only are things more painful but it interrupts the natural flow of birth. I am sure you will be fine, good luck.

yes i felt more frightened second time round too, and i was lucky enough not to have a particularly traumatic time.

i dont know what i was more frightened of, as it was not so bad first time.

I would really recommend a book i read called either (sorry cant quite remember exactly) your baby, your body, your birth, or my baby, my body, my birth, by a midwife called jenny something or other- am sure amazon will fill in the details!

I am not especially new agey and nor is the book, but it did make me focus and kind of face the things i was worried about and work out strategies to deal with the fears and the reality of things that could happen. it really helped. it also gives stats so you know how lilkely particular scenarios are. and i recommended it to a friend who also found it helpful.

some of the strategies were espec useful in labour- and it was absoloutely fine- prob better than first time.

Good luck!
ps if we go for third time round, i know i will be scared again!

hi there neeps, I am in a similar situation so I'm v v glad you started this thread!

I am currently 40+1 with DC2, sitting at home and waiting for labour to start. I was induced the first time round, no pain relief except G&A for the 2nd stage, tore quite badly, spent only one night on the ward but found the whole thing completely shocking. I felt completely out of control and very vividly remember during transition being ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that I was going to die. We were also basically left alone for most of the time, labouring on a crowded ward with no mw support. I really really don't want to go through that again, so even though my first birth was very straightforward on paper I am still pretty scared of doing it again.

This time around we are planning a homebirth and hoping that this will make me feel more in control, calmer etc. plus it should mean I get proper mw support throughout, G&A at an earlier stage and get to spend the first night in my own bed with my baby. I hope. If the baby doesn't hurry up then I'll be in hospital being induced again - am trying everything, even sex (arrrgh!)

How far pg are you this time? have you considered a homebirth option? It sound as though you actually managed brilliantly for the whole of the first stage last time around

Thanks for your reassuring replies. I have been listening to a hypnotherapy cd although I had that the first time. I think it really helped me through the first stages at home, it was the bit at hospital that freaked me out. I do think if I can stay calm it will be a lot better.

I am 37 weeks. I did discuss the homebirth option with a midwife early on but she was quite negative about it and made me feel unconfident about going for it.

I think it was that lack of control at the second part which just seemed to go on forever. I remember thinking I wanted them to knock me out and just cut the baby out I just wanted it to be over. The pethidine helped me relax and after that ds came but I felt hellish guilty afterwards although I know there was no need to.

It's nice to know I am not the only one and to hear your positive stories.

my 3rd baby is due in 2days and even though both previous labours were not traumatic im totally petrified this time round i dont know if its becoz since 32weeks ive been in and out of hosp due to pre eclampsia scare and there were tlks they would have to induce me which the thought scared me but knew for health reasons it would of needed to be done but now im at 40weeks and tht its out of everyones hands im so scared

but im sure im worrying over nothing

I am exactly the same. My first birth was in many ways straightforward, no pain relief, short, but it was so quick it was shocking, and DS looked so awful when he was born, I wasn't sure he'd made it. I also found the whole thing unbelievably shocking, and remember thinking the pain was so unimaginably awful that there was absolutely not a chance in hell I would ever, ever go through it again. I am 31 weeks now, and feel much more scared. Scared of feeling out of control again (it was only 2hr50 last time so I'm scared of getting caught out), scared of something going wrong, and just generally scared of the pain. The whole thing felt most unnatural and awful! The MW I spoke to looked surprised when I said I felt much more frightened - blissful ignorance was far preferable! Having said that, most people do seem to report that their second births were easier, and at least the shock factor will hopefully not be there. Good luck.

Hello, I know where you are coming from. I had a horrific experience (induced, assisted delivery, dozens of stitches. little pain relief post birth) with DD1 and was terrified with DD2 (seven year gap partly due to first birth trauma!) If I could have chosen a C section I would have.

However I was genuinely surprised that second time around was completely different - faster and better recovery. I hope that give you hope that second time around can be completely different and in most cases quicker. GOOD LUCK!

Neeps, did the mw have specific issues medically with you having HB or was she just not a fan? If you want Hv, or even just to consider it as an option, you could always make an appointment with another mw (ask specifically for one who knows about hb) read up on homebirth.org.uk first.
It would be a shame for you to not have that choice, whether you take it or not.

what about hypnobirthing or geting a doula?

I think she was not a fan. She said if something went wrong that they had to look after me and not the baby who would get no help, she scared me basically.

Would love to do a hypnobirthing course or have a doula but out of my price range. I am listening to a cd though which is helping.

WTF? She's talking complete rubbish . For a start they have 2 midwives for the tricky bit, that's one each, and they call a paramedic (or 2) if they need to, but for a low risk birth it's very safe. Sometimes you come across midwives who don't have much experience of HB and don't like it. Most are lovely and supportive.

I had the Natal hypnotherapy cd, keep with it, it's good stuff

That's actually quite shocked me, she's basically suggesting that the NHS routinely put new babies at risk by not giving adequate medical care.

I'm hoping for a homebirth with no 2 (after a horrible long OP birth with no 1). For me, planning for a homebirth with a doula is really helping me feel more in control (although I'm only 20 weeks, so a lot could happen yet).

That stuff about "we look after you and ignore the baby" is rot. They have two midwives for a reason...

Do you know that a lot of trainee doulas will only charge up to £200 for their services (Doula UK requires that) and that many doulas will do instalment plans and reduced fees for those with financial constraints? It's worth looking into if it's something you'd be interested. There's lots of doulas on here who I am sure could help you more.

Sorry, posted too soon, I was about to say that I realise that £200 can still be a lot if money is tight, but maybe family who would have bought presents could chip in? You probably don't need much baby stuff for a no. 2?