Optimism vs Delusion

[thefurryone]

Hi, I'm currently 23 weeks pregnant with my first child and my thoughts are naturally turning to the birth.

I seem to read a lot of stories about bad experiences, birth plans being a waste of time and generally about how things never go how you think they will.

I really want to prepare for childbirth without feeling scared or worried that I'm going to end up having a very negative experience. Is it possible to feel optimistic about giving birth to your first child being an ok experience without just ending up having your illusions shattered when the time comes?

Hi, I have been wondering about this, in terms of what to tell my childless friends. I was extremely optimistic, did hypnobirthing, yoga etc, was hoping to go to MLU and have water birth. In the end I had to be induced in the main part of the maternity hospital and had an epidural. This is in no way a horror story to make you feel worried- the thing that I wanted to say is that the very worst part of the whole thing by far was the difference between my expectations (natural, spiritual, calm water bath) and the reality (v medicalised and stressful in parts, due to factors outside of my control). I think if I had expected, or at least been prepared for, the possibility of quite a bit of pain and difficulty, I would have felt better afterwards. I thought I'd failed because I didn't have an Ina May birth! I would say try to be relaxed but very practical, realistic, down to earth and focused on the baby. Who knows anyway, you may well have a wonderful time :)

I imagine that some of their concern is coming from the newness of the standalone MLU as it doesn't switch over until the end of January so there is no track record for them to be reassured by and it's only the second MLU in the country and the first in our immediate area so it's very much against what is considered normal for the majority.

I'm generally keeping quiet about my choices, my local MLU is at a hospital with a CLU so most people just assume that I'm going there and not doing anything too unusual. If I do get any funny looks about how I'm not overly keen to plan to indulge in pain relief I just make a joke about how I'm sure I'll be begging for everything they have at the first sign of any contraction and people seem reassured that I haven't totally lost my marbles!

Hi Fourleaf, thanks for posting it's definitely good to have a reminder that there are no guarantees no matter how much I prepare! My biggest fears is that I'll have to be induced, I can sort of get my head around a breech baby and needing a CS and a situation that may require intervention during labour. So this is really something that I probably need to work on getting my head around, I have already mentioned to a MW that this really wouldn't be my prefered option and she was very reassuring that there are alternatives to this and that monitoring can be discussed when the time comes but my due date appointment is with a consultant and I'm worried they may not be as understanding.

Just realised as well that I should have said my prefered scenario rather than my choices in my last post!

I assume you mean the second MLU in your county not country! They've been around for a long time - our standalone local one is around 30 years old, and has a fabulous track record - never lost a baby or mother or had any serious problems following a birth.

I found this book and these books really helpful. Also the Dr Greene website. I read the Baby Whisperer as well. You can already start looking for mother and toddler groups in your area so you have an idea where to go. Also, I think it is helpful to have a good idea how to make up baby bottles even if you want to breastfeed - just in case. Good luck and I hope you have the delivery you want and a wonderful baby.

Childbirth is such an unpredictable thing! I really feel that the pain and hard work are played down, so that when women go into labour and experience the pain it scares them. It is fairer to make women aware that pain & hard work are things that often go hand in hand with birth. That said, just because it is painful hard work doesn't mean these factors make it a negative experience.
With DC1 I went in expecting it to be plain sailing and was shocked by the pain, length of time it took and 'medical' feel to it all.
DC2 went back to back so once again long and painful birth.
DC3 was also a long and painful labour but being prepared for this made me feel much more in control and able to cope with what was happening.
Keep an open mind, know what pain relief options are available, have a very supportive birth partner and remember that in a few hours you will be a mummy!

I wasn't really worried about my first birth at all I was really very optimistic that things would work out well for me and all would be fine. I had prepared a lot for the birth and had a lot of faith in my body having been well and active and exercised throughout my pregnancy.

Things didn't turn out so great. Actually they were fairly horrid and ended in an emergency section, but when I look back on it all I think that my optimism wasn't in any way misplaced. Things did work out well for me, I ended up with a happy and healthy baby and the nastiness of the 30 hrs before her arrival sort of melted away.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I do think that it is important to be optimistic and to focus on the outcome as that way you will be happier throughout and afterwards. Be prepared that things might not go as you expect, but try and keep in mind that in the great scheme of things the birth process isn't what you will be thinking about (well not that much anyway) after the event. If it's not great, you put it behind you and move on.

Oh... and don't rule out the fact that despite what you think now you might well be begging for every available type of pain relief possible at the first sign of a contraction!! I know I was! Not what I had expected when I wrote my birth plan!

No violethill I mean country, I live in Northern Ireland and as far as I could tell from my where to give birth research the first standalone MLU opened in 2009.

Me

Went into labour, got a bit ouchy, went to MLU, I refused gas and air because I was comfortable with my breathing. Got a bit more ouchy, got in pool, stung like crazy for about 4 minutes, got some gas and air, baby swam out, I collected her from bottom of pool, sat on the step and breastfed, without anyone except me touching her and none of us knowing the sex for half an hour.

piece of piss!

Forgot to say. Stayed at home until contractions were 2mins apart. Had a doula and was well practiced in hypno-birthing.

Don't expect for one minute that these things had nothing to do with piss easy birth.