Hole in scar - TMI alert

[SleeplessInTheBattle]

Had 3rd degree tear 5 months ago, and wound was declared to have healed well. This morning I've discovered a hole in my perineum, about 1/3 inch back from my vagina.

I was absolutely terrified of tearing at the birth and was in shock afterwards. Seeing this has made me cry . Has anyone else experienced this, and what happened?

I know I need to seek medical advice, I suppose I'm looking for reassurance from people who may have needed to have their scar retreated.

Oh firstforthought, it sounds like we had very similar experiences, I too had a spinal block for the repair surgery, and because DD also went immediately to SCBU didn't see her for about 6 hours. At that point they wheeled my bed to beside the incubator so I could look at her through the side. I've wondered since whether had she been fine, holding my baby would have somehow stopped me going into that state of shock that I ended up in.

I'm afraid I think about the birth every day . I know I'm lucky that DD is now completely well, and the delivery itself was probably unremarkable to HCPs but the damage I've been left with really upsets me. I was so frightened and repulsed by the idea of tearing and now I feel I can't get past it. Sometimes I indulge in a bit of gallows humour about it, but I still feel totally revolted and traumatised.

sleepless There was an interesting article in the Body and Soul section of The Times on Tuesday 23 Nov about women who have had traumatic births developing PTSD. Whilst I would not suggest that you have this perhaps you could contact the Birth Truama Association for some suppport if you are thinking about the birth every day? I hope that you begin to feel better very soon but please don't be afraid to ask for help - it is out there.

Hi,

Thank you for your postings - they have helped me realise I am not the only one to be in bad shape after birth (all of my friends seemed to be walking around the park the day after giving birth!)- my pregnancy book had a double page spread for 'after the birth' but it seems that this is where it all begins! I tore badly (only second degree but towards the back passage) but took 2 hours to stitch (with a lot of unreassuring exclamations of how hard it was from the several sewers who had a go!)and I haemorraged considerably as a result. Anyway, the tear has not healed 4 months on and still have a hole there and a fair amount of discharge (tmi). It was infected 2 months ago and I was on antibiotics. This helped, but wound still open. Anyway, I got referred and told I would need it redoing (fentons) which I had a date for, but now it is infected again, so this can't be done yet. I am now wondering if it might heal on its own when the infection finally goes, but guess I will just have to wait and see? ANyone any experience of this, or is it always worth having the operation? Was wondering if there were any tips on keeping the wound clean? Midwives told me do not use salt (?!) just plain water, but gp says salt a good idea. I am so scared about even feeling that area in the shower that my husband obviously has not been allowed near there for months now! I so much wanted other children too, and just don't see I can. Some days I am okay, but others I just cry because it seems to have been going on for so long now. But I know that it could be even worse, so I should not feel so sad about it all. Lots of luck to you all. Nancy

Nancy I am no expert but I did see the tissue viability nurse - who looks at wounds all day and she told me this:
salt won't help
frequent showers esp after poo
frequent airing (sit on the bed on a towel after a shower)
eat well - spinach, red meat etc
moderate exercise and rest

I hope you get better soon and I totally understand why you get upset and you mustn't feel bad about feeling sad. It's so hard because you can't really discuss it openly in real life and yet it is something you can rarely forget about. When my stitches came apart I felt so vulnerable. I am sure you will start to get better soon. As well as what the tissue nurse said i was also sort of squirting the area with tea tree and lavender oils. Tea tree is my own personal cure-all but this is not medical advice, just what I did. It may, or may not have helped.

I was given conflicting advice re baths too. MW/GP/nurse all said to try different potions. But the only person I really strongly listened to is the surgeon who did my repair and is Lead Departmental Consultant of a major teaching hospital - figured if I can't trust her, I cant trust anyone! She told me definitely dont use salt, it does nothing and to an open wound will only make the area more inflamed and subject you to unnecessary stinging and soreness. Do use Oilatum in the bath/shower (can get it on prescription) as it has a moisturiser in it but no chemicals so helps to keep the tissue soft. Do dry yourself with a hair drier on a cold setting after every shower! Do wipe with baby wipes containing aloe vera after a poo. Do sleep knickerless (on a towel if bleeding) to air the area. I was petrified of the thought of having a repair op, but vowed to follow her steps religiously to ensure that I healed perfectly second time round. I had the op 14weeks ago and feel like a different woman - no pain, binned my doughnut pillow, and have finally got my self-esteem back which had previously hit rock bottom. Consultant has told me I'll need an ELCS next time which is fine with me, noone is everrrr going near my bits with a scalpel again shudders. Sorry just realised I've been rambling! Look after yourself, visit the GP x

sleepless I asked to go to SCBU before surgery but was told it was vital that I go now and get repaired.
I really do understand your sadness and shock I feel an almost disbelief when I run through the events in my mind.
I am trying my hardest not to dwell on any of it and just be happy and grateful for my gorgeous boy. Being here talking helps knowing that others understand unlike friends/ family in RL.
Wishing you well and that you can come to terms with it all.

Thanks everyone for the supportive messages, and for sharing your experiences. Saw the HV today, who does think I have PTSD, and has advised me on getting a psychogist referral. Will look at the newspaper article, thanks.

Sleepless

Dear sleepless - I think the way you are feeling is totally understandable, and I am glad you can investigate PTSD after seeing your HV. It might be worth having a look at the Birth Trauma Association website too - as someone already mentioned - (although be warned some of the stories are really quite upsetting, but it helped me to hear about other people's experiences after the birth of my DD didn't go at all as I naively had thought). I know what you mean about not healing and how this brings back the memories of the birth itself; I too really want closure but feel this will only really happen when the tears heal and I am not at the doctors every week! It gets a bit repetitive after over 4 months. It is good to know there is help out there though. I feel it would have been useful for me to know this sooner, rather than being told I had 'baby blues'. I am surprised how much I have recovered from the trauma of the birth now, and I can only hope that in time, I will be healed and feel like a woman again too. Keep going.

Well, plenty to report. Saw the gynae consultant yesterday (pre-arranged appointment to treat a cyst), and he performed a perineorrhaphy under GA.

I was really upset whilst I was being examined, which made me realise how important it is that I seek treatment for my state of mind about all this. I used to be very nonchalant about smear tests etc, now I'm really frightened.

Anyway, it's early days regarding the surgery, but for anyone considering a repair op, I'd say it's nowhere near as bad as recovering from the original tear. The swelling is much less, and, whilst the painkillers aren't quite covering it, it's totally bearable.

The consultant is referring me to a clinic which should help me with the fear element regarding my lady bits, so hopefully things will improve.

That's great news, really pleased for you :)

Brilliant Sleepless, really good that professionals are now helping.

A quick update for those of you nice enough to reply to my thread. Well, I'm still sore, the top/front of the incision is very painful. It's a stabbing sort of pain so perhaps that's an undissolved stitch.

How are you getting on firstforthought?

Quick question for you Nancynew, how was it decided that you were going to have the Fentons procedure? I'm just wondering whether one procedure is better than another. I didn't get offered a choice so I'm assuming the perineorrhaphy was the best thing for me.

How are you doing?

Hi Sleepless you asked about the Fenton's procedure decision; when I went to the gynaecologist he just told me that Fenton's was the operation I needed. I don't know much about other types of procedure I'm afraid. Fenton's is (as far as I know, asI haven't had it yet) when they 're-fashion' the area, by cutting and then re-stitching it. I have heard lots of positive things about it, and it is only the GA that makes me apprehensive. Unfortunately my wound seems to be still infected, so am on another course of antibiotics. I am really hoping this sorts it out, but it doesn't feel much different so I am not that hopeful. I have GP and another gyno appointment over the next fortnight so will try to get some more information then. I hope that you can have the right procedure to help you. I really sympathise as having an unhealed wound is (obviously!) pretty difficult to forget about. I would love to wake up one day and realise I don't have to think about it! All the best.