Have you had a debrief with a senior midwife? Most hospitals offer this service. The midwife will go with you through your notes - including stuff you may not have seen - from your previous labour, explaining what happened and why, and what else could or should have happened. Crucially, she is also there to listen to you and accept your perception and opinion of events. It is completely non-judgemental, and there is no right or wrong verdict at the end.
When I was about 36w pg with dc2, I spent 2h with what my hospital called the Liaison Midwife, going over dc's labour and birth. It was fantastic. I cried, I got angry, I felt ashamed, but the mw was totally accepting. By the end I felt so much better, and began to havd confidence in myself and in my body's ability to give birth. For the first time I looked forward to my second labour. Also, and very importantly, she gave me permission to say "No.". Now I know we know that we can say no - but it can be very difficult to do so when we are in a professional's territory.
When I arrived in hospital the very same midwives were on duty as had been for dc1's birth. I said "I want you" and "I don't want her to come anywhere near me.". My wishes were respected without comment and ungrudgingly.
Dc2's birth was as tough, disorientating, and draining as dc1's, but it was not at all distressing. I felt I was treated with a lot more compassion than previously. Even though it was the same team, minus two people.
And at the end of it, y'know what? I had forgotten the distress of my first birthing. Really - it was wiped away. I cannot remember bring distressed, only that it happened.
As for dc3, by that time I was on a roll! The lack of self-confidence that the first birthing had introduced was completely cancelled out by the second birthing. And I am convinced that that, plus the support and inspiration I received from Mmsnet, is what enabled me to calmly give birth to 11lb dc3and noteven need any stitches.
Believe in yourself 