Has the midwife been useless or am I very hormonal?

[manchestermummy]

Gave birth to DD2 on Saturday. Least favourite mw visited yesterday and made me feel utterly useless about bf: I didn't exclusively bf DD1 and have been anxious. Apparently, the fact that I have small breasts means my milk won't come in and that DD2 will be a grazer, so the 10-hour feeding stint of the other night will be the way it is.

She didn't check down below, yet recorded on my notes that all is well. Normal mw is on leave this week so this one is coming back later this week.

Would it be an overreaction to call up the community mw office and say I don't want her to come back?

Small breasts do not mean your milk won't come in - stupid woman. But how amazing that she can see into the future and know that the size of your breasts will dictate dd2's eating habits.

Difficult because you don't want to waste anyone's time (because if she turns up again you won't want to talk to her/let her in) but on the other hand you don't want to be seen as difficult.

Why not say that you felt upset by her comments, which you found unhelpful, negative and not constructive, and that you'd be happy to see another midwife, but if she is the only one on the rota, you'll happily see your GP if there are any problems instead? if you say you'd rather not see her but will see a GP/go to baby clinic for dd2/seek positive effective help elsewhere, it might sound a bit better?

Though to be honest the midwife does sound like a twit, but I think at the moment you're not really up for a challenge, though if you feel you can, it would be worth mentioning the bf bollocks advice.

Congrats on dd2! I think you'll find better bf support on mn to be honest.

Congratuations on the birth of your baby.

"Would it be an overreaction to call up the community mw office and say I don't want her to come back?"

No. Although they will problaby think you are hormonal. :) Which you probably are.

However that midwife knowledge of breastfeeding is shocking. You are within your rights to ask for a midwife. The particualr midwife needs her breastfeeding knowledge updating.

The ten hour feeding stints will not last forever. Its early days and nothing to worry about that your milk has not come in.

Is there a breastfeeding cafe near you that you can get DECENT advice on breastfeeding.

I would def complain, it's hard enough to breastfeed without a professional peddeling incorrect information. Would also bring up the fact that you were recorded as being OK when you weren't checked. This sort of oversight could be quite dangerous, esp. if it happens with every new mother she sees. Hope for your sake the other MW returns soon!

Congratulations.

Did she ask about your perineum/stiches before she recorded you as OK? Have had 2 DC (one hospital birth with stitches and one home birth without) any number of different midwives attended me post natally without any one ever physically examining me. (Not examined at 6 week check either time either) I think there may often a be policy of leaving alone unless the mother has a concern.

Ref the breastfeeding advice, yes, clearly bollocks and should be ignored/complained about as you feel up to.

How are you feeling about breastfeeding now? Some midwives can be great but there are other supports out there too as I'm sure you know.

Nope, not an over-reaction. You don't need the hassle right now of some ill-informed person making you feel useless.

As I am sure you well know, the size of your breasts does not dictate your success at bfeeding. A friend of mine has breasts that she describes as '2 fried eggs on an ironing board' - she fed both her children very successfully and easily. In fact, she got bfeeding going much more easily than I did with my ginormous (think H cup) norks.

Congrats on DD2!

What crap advice. .

FWIW My boobs are TINY but I produced amazing amounts of milk, they leaked all day actually(to much info). My HV described them, tactfully, as 'very efficient'

Not an overreaction at all and in fact I think important to feed back the misinformation she has given you. You are perfectly within your rights to ask for another midwife, in fact we specifically requested that one of our MW team should not attend our birth because we found her very negative. The other MWs were fab about it and made sure we didn't have to see her again.

In response to her statements/actions:

Tiny boobs do not produce any less milk than big ones. This suggests to me that MW knows nothing about the mechanics of how milk is produced.

Tiny babies DO cluster feed and that does not mean it will always be this way.

Nobody has any way of knowing what kind of feeder your baby will be.

Your stitches should always be checked, mine were several times.

You are doing a great job, try not to worry and just go with the flow (so to speak) as much as you can in these early days with your baby. The feeding will settle down and you will not have DD permanently attached to your boob for the rest of your life! Congratulations :)

Thanks. She didn't ask about stitches. The one thing she did do is tell mr about a bf support group at a local childrens' centre so I'm going there tomorrow.

DD2 actually feeding at the moment, has been for over an hour, so all good so far!

The size of boobs has nothing to do with it! My mother was a 32B and fed all of us no problems until we were all over two years old! She sounds crap! I would ring up and say you dont want her again! You are well entitled to!

Brilliant, well done you and DD! :) Remember to keep a bottle of water to hand, I found Ihad a raging thirst when BFing early on. I am just starting to gradually move to FF now and we have had a lovely 9 mths of BFing (with the odd bottle thrown in here and there). Good luck with it!

Congratulations!

Definitely contact mw supervisor. She's not paid to fail to perform basic checks and to spread stupid and inaccurate ideas about bf. And there's not reason you should have to put up with that.

Congratulations, Fwiw I have massive boobs and a rubbish milk supply! What a load of rubbish!

I wouldnt bother complaining tbh but maybe I am too soft! I would only worry about it afterwards, just take what she says re breastfeeding with a pinch of salt and if she is crap call a helpline / another midwife after she's gone. Defnitely not what you should ahve to do though. This kind fo thing amazes me!

Shes talking nonsense, I'm still bf my 1yo with my b/c cups and hes on the 91st percentile! I hope you get better advice at the children's centre.

As for not checking your stitches, mine were never checked either although I did ask them because I had a lot of pain for a while. I think you need to be quite persistent in asking for a check. Maybe if you call and tell them you are concerned that you have not been checked they will hopefully send someone else to do it

Yup complain. Comments like this end breastfeeding which f*cking appalling. She has no right and frankly its her job to be able to deal with hormonal women in a supportive fashion. For what its worth I have ickle boobs and am still feeding DS (15 months) and he's a 75 centile whopper. He too has always been a slow and lazy guzzler but it meant I could sit on the sofa lots in the early days. I now call my boobs my Ariel Small and Mightys. Interestingly of my friends who had latch issues it was those who were generous of nork! Anyway good luck at the children's centre.

Yes, complain, and explain why you don't want her back. No point them pushing BF-ing all the way through pregnancy and handing out Breast is Best booklets if you're going to be given the wrong information afterwards which is likely to put you off!

congrats on the birth of you DC!!

Utter crap nonsense about small boobs - mine range from an AA to an A cup and my milk NEVER had any problems 'coming in' (or spraying and leaking everywhere I went from an A to a D cup...and gainned a new experience of blokes talking to my chest ) nor did my children resort to grazing all the time. They did graze whilst building up reserves or on a growth spurt but this is totally normal IME and relatively short lived - the 10 hour nights won't last forever!

Some babies are effecient feeders and others are chuggy/slow feeders. My second seemed to take forever at times to feed - he was just boob obsessed and would have happily stayed stuck on all day and all night, but they're all different.

If she has made you feel really upset and you don't want her to see you again then you are well within your rights to ask for a different one or to see your doc etc.

She should have been far more supportive and understanding of how tired and vulnerable you are right now!

PS I used to get frustrated about the time DC2 took to feed, but then realised it was the perfect reason for not leaving the sofa for hours - flasks of favourite drinks and a mug by the sofa/comfy chair and the remote controls, possibly a book too, are recommended...

Crap advice as PPs have said.

For different reasons, I had a MW who I definitely didn't want anywhere near me or DD once she was born. She was scheduled to do a home visit I think 3 or 4 days in and after being awake most of the night before worrying about it I realised that wasn't a good thing!

I didn't feel up to making a formal complaint (although kind of wish I had now) so just texted the head MW and said I didn't want to see MW 'X' and would like to see someone else instead. Said sorry for hassle etc but hoped they would understand.

I didn't get any comeback and wasn't made to feel like I was being a pain (even if they did think that). I'm so glad I did as I really think it's so important that you feel you can trust a MW/HV with you and your lovely baby.

Good luck with everything and don't hesitate to say no to crappy MW.