Can't stop thinking about the birth :(

[sunndydays]

I hope no one minds me posting this, as I am not really looking for advice I don' think, I just need to let it all out :)

I didn't have a great birth, was induced at 36 weeks, hormone drip immediately after breaking waters (which I wasn't told what it was), refused epidural, failed ventouse and forceps delivery.

Thankfully dd was born fairly healthy. We had her for two hours before she was whisked off to scbu. I think I got to hold her for about an hour of this.

She was in scbu for nine days, during which I got no skin to skin or anything. One time when she was onto a bottle and wouldn't drink anymore than 30mls the nurse said it was because I had held her earlier on and tired her out. The same nurse asked ' why have you changed her, she wasn't dirty?' she had had the same grow on for two days and I wanted to change my baby for the first time :(

Before I got discharged I asked a midwife to check my stitches for me 'are you sure you want them checked?' 'er yes I think I should have them looked at' 'oh ok.....well they have come apart but not much you can do just keep your legs closed, but obviously it will never look or feel the same again' obviously...

Anyway I feel really sad about the whole thing, even though it was months ago. I can't drive past the hospital without crying or watch the episode of friends where Rachel has her baby how ridiculous!! I just want to cry all the time. Luckily I haven't had any problems bonding with dd I love her to bits! I feel jealous of my friends and even my sister who have recently had babies with no help, how horrible am i?!

I know it wasn't that bad and people have had much worse experiences than me. Got my debrief in a couple of weeks, don't think it will help much :(

I am really sorry for the long post I just needed to get it out

You poor thing, it does sound traumatic, i hope talking to them at the debrief will help you come to terms with it xx

That sounds awful, I'm so sorry :(

You could contact PALS for advice, and possibly to raise concern over the way you have been spoken to by the nurse/midwife?

The debrief should help (mine did) but don't be afriad to ask questions or request another appointment if you feel you need it. There's also a birth trauma support thread on here somewhere.

Best wishes and congratulations on your DD :)

Wow, I'd complain! That's very unprofessional conduct from the midwives/nurses you got.

I thought every SCBU knew to encourage skin-to-skin these days?

And telling you that about your stitches is awful!

Please do realise that you have a genuine reason to feel traumatised - you haven't been treated appropriately at all IMO.

I am so sorry to hear about your experience... I gave birth a week ago and I feel for you having to go through what you went through. I know what a sensitive time this is and being treated like this is horrible and so wrong! I hope that you will talk to somebody about it! Congratulations on your little girl!

I had my baby three weeks ago - total disaster from start to finish - I was induced for pre-eclampsia, and then in labour for three full days before ending up with emergency c-section for meconium staining and suspicious CTG trace. The whole thing was an utter nightmare from start to finish - numerous traumatic elements too many to list here, plus rubbish time in hospital thereafter. However - eventually, we left the hospital with our baby, who is perfectly healthy. We have friends who had a baby die in similar circumstances last year. I think that has given me a valuable sense of perspective. yes, it was hellish, but at the end of the day if you leave hospital with a healthy baby - you have to count your blessings and try not to dwell on the bits that didn't go well, because the only thing that really matters is that your baby is ok. I will no doubt get flamed for being unsympathetic, but having had just as bad an experience as you, I do feel justified in commenting. I think you should be counting your blessings and trying to focus on how lucky you are, and not dwell on the difficulties.

You will get through it. It sounds like the hospital and staff were appalling - criticizing you for changing a 2 day old babygro - what a bitch. Re the stitches - get to a decent GP and get them checked. You should heal and if not, you can have it sorted out - don't suffer in silence - if the GP isn't sympathetic, get a new GP.

When I had my DD, the hospital was appalling. As DD was my 2nd, I was more able to cope with it as I had heard how the midwives behaved. For my 1st, I had been severely ill, induced prematurely - epi went wrong, legs didn't come back for a while, hand where drip was in appallingly painful and a midwife criticized me for taking too long to change DS's babygro and making him cold. I couldn't stand, was bent over bed, trying to do it with not much use of one hand. I felt terrible, a totally inadequate mother. With my 2nd, I stayed well away from the midwives on the postnatal ward - I heard them berating another first time mother - she had a CS and her stitches hurt and she said she was struggling to push her baby's wheeled hospital cot - cow midwife barked at her "STOP COMPLAINING, A LADY DOWN THE HALL HAS HAD 4 CSECTIONS, YOU'VE HAD ONE SO GET A GRIP - ARE YOU NEVER GOING TO TAKE YOUR BABY OUT IN HIS PRAM BECAUSE YOU ARE MOANING ABOUT YOUR STITCHES??" when I did have to encounter them, I was prepared. DD had some blood taken in hospital and she started crying (a few hours old) and I said to her, don't worry DD, we'll go back to the bed and I'll feed you and it'll be OK. Midwife replied - DON'T YOU DARE FEED THAT BABY - AND SWADDLED UP CRYING DD and told me to get to bed. So I pushed the cot back to my bed, undid DD and fed her and she was happy. I had enough confidence to know that BF would comfort DD and I could say a silent fuck you to the midwife.

Also, seen midwifes playing solitaire when patients are ill - girl in bed next to me had preeclampsia, clear that she needed a CS pronto - midwife only checked her when her BP top fig had gone to over 200 and then had to call an emergency and take her straight to the operating theatre.

Anyway, bottom line, you'll feel bad about what happened for a while, but you will get over it and realise that you were treated badly and didn't do anything wrong. You can put it behind you and go to a different hosp if you have another DC.

Apologies to midwives. I have encountered more caring and competent ones than nasty ones, but there are nasty ones about who damage the reputations of all midwives.

Please please complain about this member of staff so she is less likely to treat another woman this way. I am so sorry you had such an awful time. I dont understand why some people work with the public when they clearly dont like or have any compassion for people.

i felt pretty similar to you for a long time after my son was born.
I work in a maternity unit, so naively thought I might not have some of those things happen to me- how wrong!
So if a person who works with those people doesn't get tip top care you can hardly blame yourself for the care you received.
I found it hard going back to work and being confronted by childbirth every day, and constantly think about how I'd do it differently next time.
I had a debrief with a very experienced and thoughtful senior midwife at the hospital, and although it doesn't change the facts of what happened to me I know I did everything I could have, and she has also made some great suggestions for what we could do next time to have a better experience.
I know I was safe at all times, and while it wasn't the most pleasant day of my life I have my son safe and sound at home.
I hope your debrief helps you to start to move on too.

I'm sorry for your terrible time. I had a forceps delivery two years ago and had terrible treatment on the post natal ward but didn't say anything. I'm since pregnant with my second one and started having crying fits at the thougt of going back to the hospital.

I arranged to have my debrief with the head of the labour ward, which i had this week and I wish I'd done it sooner. The midwife was lovely, apologised for my treatment and reassured me it was wrong and went against the hospital's policy. She also reassured me she would speak to the staff member - it turns out she's retired so she can't but she definitely won't be there this time.

I only wish i'd complained at the time. She also gave me the name of the head of the ward and told me to ask to speak to her immediately if I have any problems when I'm next in.

Your debrief could be really positive and they told me they wished more people complained so they could do something about poor treatment of patients and challenge the bad staff, but they can't do anything without the complaint.

I hope it helps and you feel better. I know what happened can't be taken back but it can make you feel so much better and I hope it works for you. Good Luck