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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Birth on your own..

25 replies

SarahG1234 · 27/10/2010 21:56

Ex partner left me at 12 week pregnant and I had hoped to have 2friends as my birthing partners since found out that these mates have been slagging me off behind my back which has resulted in a major falling out obviously.

So I am now in the position of going through labour on my own. The only other people I could ask live hours from myself and cannot take the time off work.

Any advice?

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DooinMeCleanin · 27/10/2010 21:57

What about your mum. Is she still around? I'm sure she would be happy to take time off work.

CarGirl · 27/10/2010 21:59

Even though I have a dh and he was there I put in my birth notes to have the midwives as my birthing partners - they were far better than he was the previous times!

TBH they know what they're doing and are supportive, much better than anyone else IMHO

Original poster

SarahG1234 · 27/10/2010 22:02

Thanks for the quick replies.

How were the midwives Car Girl?

My mum passed away 2years ago DooinMeCleanin and I have no contact with my other family so it is just friends that I have to rely on.

The 2 women I had to be my birthing partners are the only friends I have left up here as alot have moved away over the past few years too. Just starting to panic!

OP posts:

latrucha · 27/10/2010 22:04

DH was with me in labour but it was the midwives I needed. He was in the background and I liked having him there but I really wasn't in need of hand holding.

CarGirl · 27/10/2010 22:06

They were excellent my birth plan was rather brief (4th birth and 4th induction)

No continuous monitoring
No automatic catheter if have epidural
No blood sugar tests on baby (I have BIG babies)
No staying on the postnatal ward
Dh is here to carry the bags and see the baby being born but he's useless at the labout bit and need the midwives to be my birthing partners.
I want to cut the cord (Dh too squeamish)

Dh read a lot of his book whilst I/we got on with it

MaudOHara · 27/10/2010 22:06

Sorry to hear about your Mum Sarah.

Like latrucha - I needed HCPs not DH - he was more in the way really.

In years gone by it was the norm to not have a birthing partner - and whilst its good that women can have support if they want it then it does put pressure on everyone to feel that they need someone.

What about a doula?

StarkAndWitchesWillFindYou · 27/10/2010 22:07

Have you looked into hiring a Doula?

best money I ever spent, but some in training will offer services cheaply or in kind.

latrucha · 27/10/2010 22:07

My midwives were wonderful.

NonnoMum · 27/10/2010 22:07

Sorry for your dilemma.

i do agree that (some) men aren't the most useful at being birthing partners. And that some MWs can be fabulous. Sometimes there is a student MW who is more likely to have time to stay with you - perhaps ask if that's possible?

The other thing I've heard of is Doulas. Think there is a website. And I have heard that if one is training, she may be able able to be with you for free. Or sometimes they will reduce their cost if you are in difficult financial circumstances.

Good luck.

geraldinetheluckygoat · 27/10/2010 22:08

how about a doula, if funds are available?

Original poster

SarahG1234 · 27/10/2010 22:09

Hi Maud, I am due next week! So too late to get a Doula. I rang around but tbh I could do without the extra coat right now too.

Latrucha and CarGirl thanks for the positive stories.

Do you think the midwives would find it odd or question me labouring alone?

OP posts:

asdx2 · 27/10/2010 22:10

I had just the midwives for each of my five births. Dh is very squeamish and I preferred him to be looking after the others at home tbh.I had nice births, I didn't miss dh and they called him once the dc was born.It suited us both really because I prefer some privacy when giving birth anyway. The midwives were great and very caring, suspect I may have been a novelty but they were very attentive and encouraging.

supergreenuk · 27/10/2010 22:13

I agree. It's not the birth where you need someone it's afterwards you may need a good friend. I really feel for you.

EricNorthmansMistress · 27/10/2010 22:13

I ended up alone by accident and it was completely fine.

Original poster

SarahG1234 · 27/10/2010 22:16

Thanks everyone I do feel a tad better now and not like I will be seen as a freak. Once baby arrives I know I will get people visiting although I may have the first few days alone until the weekend hits etc.

Just a lot to deal with right now!

OP posts:

ThighsWideShitItsAGhost · 27/10/2010 22:17

Where do you live, rough area?

I would love to be on-call to be a birthing partner

Plus I went through birth with no partner (also split when I was 12 weeks pg) but did have my useless mum next to me.

CarGirl · 27/10/2010 22:17

I don't think they would question you, they will probably ask you if you want them to call anyone. I'm sure they will be extra supportive once they know you are on your own.

I too just go in on myself to cope with the pain during labour. When I was in labour with our first dc dh nearly walked out because I was demanding an epidural and being a bit stroppy

ThighsWideShitItsAGhost · 28/10/2010 08:20

when I say 'rough area', I meant in the country, not is it a rough area as in ghetto!

Bunbaker · 28/10/2010 08:25

"when I say 'rough area', I meant in the country, not is it a rough area as in ghetto!"

I'm glad you explained yourself. I live in a rural area, not a rough area. I have never heard of a rural area as being described as a rough area before. I imagine that most people would have understood your post to mean a rough, run down, drug ridden council estate.

Gory09 · 28/10/2010 08:29

Had Dcs 2/3/4 just with midwives as birth partner and they were fab but I suppose the time they give to you really depends on how many other mums in labour at the same time as you and how simple/complicated the births are. My own experience was very positive though.

WriterofDreams · 28/10/2010 08:42

You could mention your situation to the midwife at your next appointment and ask if she could put you in touch with a student midwife. I have a friend who's training to be a midwife and I know she'd love to be called in especially for a birth and to witness the whole thing. Depending on the time of year it might not be practical (due to exams or required clinic hours) but it's worth a try because then you would be guaranteed to have someone with you for the whole thing.

Hulababy · 28/10/2010 09:03

I think thighs intended "rough area" to mean "roughly what area of the Uk do you like in" rather than a dodgy estate or even a rural area.

ShirleyGarrote · 28/10/2010 09:12

Sorry to hear that your firnds have let you down.

When I had both of my children my husband was there but to be absolutely honest, he could have not been! The only thing I remember saying to him was "DRINK" when I wanted a slurp of Ribena!

I know it's a scary thought to be alone, but your midwives will be with you and you will be very busy getting on with having the baby.

threenoisyboys · 28/10/2010 09:14

i had first just with midwife due to OH working away but he was there for the other two. I found him to actually be more or a hindrance rather than a help at the actual birth bit. he got in the way and didnt really know what he was meant to do. I think there are benefits to it just being you and the midwife as you dont have to think about anything other than getting the baby out :)
It was afterwards when i got home i needed the most support and i hope you can get some lined up for when you get home
good luck!

ThighsWideShitItsAGhost · 28/10/2010 10:19

Yes, hula, thats exactly what I meant!

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