Birth Debrief

[Tootiredforgodtyping]

I'm booked for a birth debrief at the hospital next week with a midwife who will help me go through my notes. Has any one got any advice as what to ask or other generral advice please. I had severe pre-eclampsia and HELLP which lead to a crash section. I've had PND since ( 18 months).

I haven't had a debrief as such, but I would take someone with me for support. It will probably be difficult to hear some things and also you may suffer some sort of flashbacks as they go through your notes.

You will feel very emotional and probably very drained after the meeting, so to have some support would be great.

You can ask anything you want to. Do you have any unanswered questions? Do you understand why certain things happened?

Good luck. Whilst the meeting itself can be difficult, I think ultimately it can be the start to understanding and healing.

Without knowing your personal situation, it is difficult to know what questions to ask.

I suppose you have read in detail about PF and then considered how your personal crises developed?

For instance, in my case, I think the MW who looked after my ante-natal care was neglectful so my situation should not have deteriorated to the point of severity without medical intervention. After it was picked up and by then it was acute PE, there were other failures while in hospital which led to a very traumatic experience and PTSD.

For me speaking the medical bodies was a waste of time as they were defensive and were quick to stress that they had 'stuck to guidelines'. so the individual that I am felt ignored. Like I was ignored and patronised when I alerted the staff to my difficulties. In fact there was more than one case where they did not stick to their own guidelines but handily for them, these were not recorded in my notes which in some parts were works of fiction.

Notes can also be written so dryly, it sounds like it is not about you which can be alarming so be ready to experience a range of emotions. Definitely take someone with you. Maybe someone from the Maternity Liasons Team (a mum) or from the NCT or a reliable friend.

It has been a long road to healing but you can get there.

Have you spoken to anyone at the Birth Trauma Association? Another idea is to contact AIMS and ask for information on how to go about the debrief. Their website may also contain articles in particular to PE and HELLP.

I would take someone in with you, and ask them to take notes.

I would also take a list of questions, any questions that you can think of, and make sure you go through the list with them.

I think that's great - it worked wonders for my friend. You might need further psychological help. My friend was misdiagnosed with PND but actually suffered from post traumatic stress. She also found the Birth Trauma Association helpful.

She had thought she was going to die and was abandonned by the health professionals. Make sure you tell the midwife exactly how you felt and hopefully she can talk you through the decision-making process they followed.

As hard as it is, try and relive it before you go and make some notes about how you felt and how you remembered it happened.

I had one a few months ago and it helped a lot. The mw just asked me to talk her through exactly what had happened and she explained the bits I didn't understand or couldn't remember. There were a few mistakes made and she seemed genuinely upset when I told her and she apologised even though it was nothing to do with her!

I advise you to take someone with you - if possible your birth partner as they will probably remember things which you don't. There is a good chance that they are also traumatised by witnessing what happened (my dh didn't tell me until the debrief that he thought ds had died). If there are any specific questions you wish to ask write them down when you think of them as its easy to forget things when you're there. Also be prepared to have things "dragged up" which may upset you, ultimately it will benefit you in the long run to go through everything. If you need to cry do it, you won't be the first or last and the mws who run this service are trained in counselling skills so they won't mind a few tears.

Good luck, I really hope it helps you xx