I'm looking to hire a Doula, any experiences?

[earlgreyismynectar]

I'm 24 weeks pregnant and have decided I would like to hire a Doula for the birth of DC2. There are several reasons for this. In a nutshell I'm seriously thinking of a home birth, there is a good chance that DP may not be here for the birth as he works away and isn't currently on a permanent contract therefore no entitlement to Paternity leave. Finally, my birth experience with DC1 was good (12 hours total, gas & air) but I felt threatened by the midwife when it came time to push (I was too scared to) & she told me that my efforts weren't good enough and that if I couldn't do better she would have to cut me (those words are burned on my memory!). I screamed my daughter out in rage & fear. It was a disappointing end to the efforts of labour. With retrospect I feel a female presence to give emotional support was the missing element, that and practical explanations of what stage I was at and what I needed to do etc. I'd really love to hear of others experiences with a Doula and what I ought to expect. I have found one locally but find her continual lack of contact in setting up a meeting disconcerting so feel I ought to look at another or am I expecting too much at this early stage?! Any stories or thoughts very welcome!

where do you live?

Aberdeen

Have you looked on doulauk? Was that where you found the first one?

I had a doula from the doulauk website for after my third child was born. I didn't need the antenatal or birth support as I had brilliant private midwives, but I knew I needed lots of help postnatally, mostly in splitting my time and attention between the baby and ds1 and ds2. So my reasons for wanting a doula were slightly different to yours but nevertheless I was looking for someone who had the same kind of viewpoint as me on home birth, breastfeeding, parenting etc., and with whom I would feel so comfortable that having her around would be like an extra friend or (helpful) family member rather than an employee like a maternity nurse or cleaner.

Anyway, it was really difficult to find one in my area. Ds3 was due during the school holidays and although there were quite a few doulas nearby, they all seemed to have school-age children and didn't want to work holidays. I found one person and almost ended up with her but we just didn't quite click. She was completely reasonable and there wasn't any obvious reaosn why I didn't like her so I initially agreed to have her as my doula. Then due to an unforseen event she wasn't able to work for me and I had to go through the whole process again. I am so glad I did this, because the doula I ended up with was absolutely brilliant and I felt that we clicked from the first meeting. Plus a very important point was that the boys really loved her and she dealt with them very well. In retrospect I would never have felt completely comfortable with the first one - the difference was a bit like the difference between having my mother-in-law to stay and help, versus my mother or sister who are completely unjudgemental of my parenting choices, and with whom I feel very comfortable.

So you could contact your first based on my experience I would say that it might be worth looking around a bit more.

Finally, it's worth looking at the trainee doulas not just the fully accredited ones - this is how I found my wonderful doula and so she ended up cheaper than the first one would have been too.

I had a doula with me for my first birth and it was wonderful. I can't recommend it highly enough, especially if you had a tough time the first time.

I credit my doula with sucessful VBAC, she knew the hospital inside out, and was an excellent communicator who helped manage the bridge between the hospital standard proceedure and my aims (e.g. strong push for internal monitoring from the off and my wishes for mobility/ access to a hot shower). She also gave me the courage to keep trying when the midwife, who had been profouldly absent for most of the time, came into the room to say "she couldn't push the first one out, we may as well book the c-section now". (only possible excuse for this was that I think she thought I didn't undertand the language). An fantastic woman, who facilitated the most amazing experiance of my life.

In terms of timing, I think I first contacted her at around 20 odd weeks, and we met about half a dozen times prior to the birth.

Thanks very much for getting back high fibre, bongo & sonic, that's been really helpful to me.

High fibre, I did look at Doula uk but obviously not properly (I've since looked). I googled it and this one I have got into contact with had her own website. I agree that it is so important to "click" and of course you won't know that until you meet. I already feel a little uneasy through basic lack of contact in making an actual arrangement to meet with this one. It's been good to reflect on your own experience of this. Good point about a trainee, I don't have a problem with that at all.

Bongo, lovely and inspiring to hear your experience was so worthwhile! Have you recently had another baby? I thought I recognised your name from another thread!

Sonic, shocking comment your midwife made despite the language difference! Amazing story that your Doula facilitated the most incredible experience of your life! I'd like some of that! I have a huge amount of faith in Doula's enabling this, especially in a hospital environment (from my experience). I'm considering a home birth this time.

Glad you're finding it helpful. Our doula was very good about meeting, also made sure she had a session with my husband about his expectations etc and to see if they clicked, said in her experiance it only worked if all three of us were happy with it, so if you're worried about this doula's communication maybe do look elsewhere - you still have loads of time!

The other thing she did which was great was come round about 10 days after the birth and talk me back through it, which I really liked, as obviously my own memory of events was a little hazy for some bits.

I just had my baby (first) last week!

I completely second what SonicMiddleAge said about the need to click incl. with your husband. In fact, I think ours helped him more than she helped me (in a direct sense) - eg when I was begging for an epidural (which I'd said I didn't want and it was too late anyway) she helped him cope when his heart was absolutely breaking. I'd interview a couple until you find one you really like.

Agree also re talking through the birth. It really helped to debrief with her as I think I was sightly in shock afterwards.

good luck and if you have any other questions feel free to PM me.

Thanks very much Bongo & Sonic, your advice strikes a chord, I agree that DP needs to be involved in this 100% & this is as much for him as me. He doesn't have a problem with the idea of a Doula (we haven't had the chance to discuss it in detail yet as he works away) but I think I will have some work to do in convincing him that a home birth is a good idea. I thought the Doula could help shed more light on this for both of us to make an informed decision.

Doula 1 finally got back to me after a 9 day wait (counting? me?!) so we are meeting in a week. In the meantime I have made contact with Doula 2 who I vaguely know. I agree that it's reasonable to meet both and make a decision following that, I owe it to myself! So yes, feeling happier now that I feel I'm making some progress!

The idea of looking back over your birth story & filling in the blanks! To this day I still ask DP questions about the birth of DD and that was over 4 years ago now! I came across a Doula on Doula UK who said she would provide a written account of it! I thought what a great idea!

Congratulations Bongo!!! I thought so!! But I didn't realise you were talking about such a recent experience! That's lovely! It was obviously everything you wanted it to be! Thanks also for the offer of p.m, I do appreciate, especially re home birth!

xx