ex partner at birth

[spiritedaway]

I have recently seperated from my partner. My choice, because of his behaviour. He wishes to be reconciled. Anyway, the point is, he has expressed a wish to be present at the birth of our child. He raised the topic by telling me that if he wasn't at the birth he would never forgive me. At this point I'm not sure i'll want him there. Should i be considering his feelings? Or should I be putting my own feelings first, for me to be as at ease as possible during labour?

Do what feels right to you, not him.
When you give birth you need to feel safe and at ease with the people around you otherwise you're going to be making life more difficult for yourself.

Thanks. I know you're right.

I'm not really sure that his giving you an ultimatum in such a way does anything other than disqualify him from being there... the role of anybody at somebody else's birth is to make them feel as safe and comfortable as possible in one of the most potentially vulnerable, overwhelming and challenging moments of their life.

you are not an incubator for his child, you are a human being with MORE rights than him at the moment, because of this particular and specific status you currently hold as a pregnant woman, not less.

Also - issuing an ultimatum like this hopefully lets you put his 'wish to be reconciled' firmly into perspective... he wants what he wants - not interested in what you want. What kind of reconciliation is that?

what a tw@t

He's endangering both you and his child by wanting to be there. If you're stressed by him around you in labour, the risk of interventions shoots up which is no good for baby or for you.

Sounds to me like he is more interested in trying to scrape some power back over you rather than caring about you or his baby.

I can see why you left him :-(

I agree - this is your body and your decision. Birth is a big deal and personally I would want as stress-free environment for myself to cope as possible. Any anxiety is not going to be good.

Why don't you compromise, explain the situation to mwives and see if he can stay in the waiting room until he/she is born? Perhaps you could get your (now) birthing partner to let him know when you are in the final stages and he can come up to the hospital and wait outside until you are ready to have him in the room. I can see how he would want to be one of the first to meet the little one and in this case you get your privacy and he gets to see his child quickly!

Best of luck, I really feel for you in this situation x

I think you should choose whoever you want as a birthing partner. If you're ok about it, maybe get them to let him know when you go into labour, then he can wait outside and can come in when the baby's born.
But if you don't want him there at all it is your body and you have the right to choose how things go.
Whatever you decide, the midwives are very good at acting like bouncers so you'll have plenty of support!

there are rarely waiting roms on labour wards.

I just meant in reception of the hospital or literally outside. In the hospital I gave birth in there was a 'family room' and seats in the hospital entrance where there were people waiting at all times of day and night.

Nope. Ex partners do not get to see my intimate moments, and having a baby is about as intimate as you can get.You come first.

Absolutely your own feelings first! Anyway it is not nice of him to emotionally blackmail you like this - especially at this sensitive time... Do what is right for you.

All good advice...especially the stuff about putting a reconciliation into perspective. I was really feeling mean for considering not having ex there. I'm starting to realise i'm a sucker!....better late than never.

Thanks all. I'll think about what i want instead of how it'll make him feel. Seems like I'm out of practice.

Good good. Let us know how you get on.