Mmmmm. I'm a little concerned by your statment about ?faecal? incontinence and the fact that you are still suffering this as a result of your previous birth injury.
Nice guidelines are that anyone with previous serious tear with ANY degree of incontinence should be recommended/offered an elective cs.
I am in this situation myself, and have opted for the elective.
Obviously it is an individual choice, but have you looked into all the pros and cons of another VB (whether or not you tear again), I mean the long term problems? I was told any incontinence symptoms WOULD get worse after menopause, and avoiding more injury to the area (which can happen even without a tear), was really important in terms of my quality of life issues 10 or 15 years down the line.
I know a CS is a major op, and it was not a decision I took lightly, but after reading into the pros and cons for a few days, the thing that decided me was that bowel repair ops are difficult and often give less than perfect results, even with repeated "revisions" (obviously for some they will work fine and have perfect results first time), and many women are left with ongoing problems (this is fairly common). With a CS, there is a very low chance of any complication which requires a second op to fix it, and if you do get one of those rare problems, revision surgery is less complex and more successful than with failed bowel surgery.
Interestingly, though my consultant said I had "clear clinical indications" for having an elective, and I am very happy with my decision to have one, every MW I have seen since has asked me if I want them to talk to the consultant to see if I can have a VBAC instead - it appears to me as if the consultants are looking at the long term issues and the overall risks, but the MW are looking only at the short term risks so see the elective as being a bad idea.
Obviously that's just my view, and it's your decision.
On the episiotomy issue, I'd say no (unless it was to help with forceps) - and they can't force one on you if you don't consent.There's a lot of evidence to show they can increase the risk of tearing - is your consultant fairly old and/or out of date?