Help! Terrified of labour no. 2 and need constructive help

[Secondtimelucky]

I had a hideous, undiagnosed OP labour with DD (now 18 months). I went into labour on the Saturday night and the contractions were immediately excruitatingly painful. I went into hospital on the Monday, having been awake for all bar 3 of the previous 48 hours. In my knackered and practically delirious state, and with patronising midwifery care ("some people just have lower pain thresholds" was a particular gem) a predictable cascade of intervention ensued. I allowed them to break my waters, which stopped my contractions completely, followed by which I had syntocin, epidural and, when DD became distressed, forceps.

I am now 6 weeks with no. 2. I am very nervous because I recently had a miscarriage at 8 weeks, but I also I can already feel myself stressing about the labour.

SO

Wise women of MN. What can I best do to make this labour better (if I get that far). So far I have thought of:

• Hypnobirthing: I will struggle to do a course over multiple evenings because we have no childcare. Anyone know any all day courses/weekend courses in SE London (or London generally), because then my mum could come to visit to babysit? Would I get much out of doing just the CD at home or going to classes without DH?

• Homebirth: anyone know anywhere I can read up on this in detail? I'm a bit scared, but maybe it's the way to go, particularly if the labour is long again.

• Optimal positioning. I thought I had done this last time, but obviously not effectively... any ideas?

Anything else I can explore? Would you still think about a doula with a homebirth?

I think that, once I have some ideas in my head, it will help me not to stress so much about this aspect, which can only be good for the chances of this pregnancy progressing.

Don't want to sound flash, but DH has just got a bonus and says we can use as much as we need to on arranging anything to help me. We won't need much baby stuff this time round. So I reckon all in I could spend £1,000 to £1,500 on courses, doulas, etc (I love my DH. He really wanted speakers for the TV...)

Hi sorry to hear about your horrible experience first time round.

Can't be too much help but I do know a hypnobirthing class you can do at weekends in SE London - see here www.calmbirthcalmbaby.com/. I did baby massage with this lady and she's lovely (and that's DD on the 'massage' section of the site!).

A friend did the hypnobirthing course and thought it was v good.

Hope someone comes along to help with your other questions, and good luck!

I would definetely contact a few doulas to discuss.
Lots of them have other skills, so could suipport you with the hypnobirthing/OFP/Natural pain relief etc
Doulas expect an initial interview, so just chatting to them does not obligate you in any way.
I have suppiorted many women that had traumatic/difficult first births (have a read of some birth stories if you are interested-
www.magicalbirth.co.uk/
And yes, Doulas are great at homebirths, can support you from early labour and come with you to hospital if you transfer in.
Some good info here-
www.youtube.com/user/60SecDoulas
And here
www.mybirth.tv/
And on homebirth here-
www.homebirth.org.uk/
And to find local Doulas to you-
www.doula.org.uk/
Selina x

I had a hideous labour with my first baby. It took me a good 12 months to get over it I was so traumatised.

I was terrified when I was pregnant the second time but the labour couldn't have been better.

Do everything you can to make this labour a positive experience but remember that just because you had such a bad experience first time round it doesn't mean this one will be the same.

Good luck x

Where do you live? I had a fantastic antenatal yoga teacher in east London. Her website is:
www.yoga4birth.co.uk

I had a good hospital birth with DC1 and then two fantastic home births. The midwives (NHS) who attended the home births were great - humorous, encouraging, very supportive and not at all patronising. Loved them. But for me the preparation I had in the yoga classes was the trick - I was very calm, very relaxed and actually enjoyed the whole process. Painful of course - but very powerful and I always felt relaxed through each contraction. I really do credit my yoga sessions (specifically to support the hope of a natural birth) with why I was so able to go with the flow and have the confidence to enjoy. I would actually like a 4th just to be able to give birth again. Luck comes into it too of course, but feeling calm and trusting of your body makes a huge difference.

Good luck and I hope you get the pregnancy and birth you'd wish for this time.

Hi Secondtimelucky - I like your name!

It sounds like you are going in to this with a great plan to explore ideas to get an experience that you are happy with (plus a lovely healthy baby).

Hypnobirthing is a great idea - do also check out www.natalhypnotherapy.co.uk - they have weekend courses across London.

Spinning Babies.com is your resource for optimum foetal positioning, but Op labours are much more manageable with freedom to move, no interventions meaning you are tied to monitors etc.

First stop for homebirth research is www.homebirth.org.uk. In fact I use this website as a resource for all kinds of things even if people aren't planning a homebirth - it's a great site. There's also details of your local homebirth group on that sire- you'll be able to meet other women who've had a homebirth, discuss your worries, pros and cons etc

A doula is a great idea (though I'm biased as I am one!). I had one for my homebirth and it was a real godsend - just having an extra pair of hands at a homebirth is really helpful so that your partner can support you and the doula fill a birth pool etc.

I've supported women who've had traumatic first births through their lovely, calm and happy second births at home or a birthcentre and I do think the main benefit is actually the time in advance working through fears in advance with your doula, as well as the emotional and practical support on the big day.

A trainee doula will cost you around £200 with recongnised doulas anywhere from £500-£800. This would comprise several antenatal preparation sessions, 4 weeks dedicated on call for you, 24 hour email and phone support and several postnatal visits. Take a look at www.doula.org.uk for more info and a directory of doulas who cover your area.

I am London based so if you want to have a look at my website www.hackneydoula.co.uk there's more info about doulas in general, my service and I also have a blog which you might find useful. I'll be in SE London quite a bit over the next couple of weeks (as have just supported a homebirth in Brockley) so would be more than happy to meet for a chat if you wanted to talk through your options - whether you're thinking of hiring a doula or not.

Maybe think about doing some antenatal yoga too (I know tricky with a little one in tow!). My Brockley client I know did some locally so I can find out where if that helps. Yoga can maybe help you connect with your body in a positive way after the traumatic experience you had.

Finally think about connecting up with your hospital's birth debriefing service where they can talk you through your notes and you can get a clearer picture of what happened.

I hope this is useful to you - sounds like you are going to be really prepared this time and have a much happier experience.

Hypnobirthing - weekend courses are run by Helianthe Ruskin. Google her. We did a weekend course with her in NW london (had shocking birth with DS1 and had to put ghosts to rest) when I was pregnant with DS2 and really cant recommend it high enough. Also had a doula and read childbirth without fear - and had a lovely quick straightforward birth with DS2.

Good luck.

I had a very difficult first birth too due to undiagnosed OP baby. Am 39weeks with DS2 and looking forwards to having him. The following few things have really helped me:

-Going through my notes and my feelings about the first birth with my midwife.

-The spinning babies website for stuff you can do throughout your pregnancy to help prevent another OP baby. I found the site a bit confusing at first (it's quite hard to navigate) but there is lots of useful info and it's well worth persevering with.

To make it easier for you:

posterior babies

[[http://www.spinningbabies.com/techniques/
in-pregnancy what to do whilst pregnant]]

what to do during labour

That's just the tip of the iceberg, there's plenty more info but I'd just dip in and out for now as you've got plenty of time.

-I'd already done hypnobirthing first time round which was brilliant and helped me cope well with a very long, painful labour. This time, I expanded on that with some further reading. I've found the following books really reassuring and inspirational:

'Childbirth Without Fear' by Dick Grantley Read
Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Chidbirth
'New Experience of Childbirth' by Sheila Kitzinger

'Blooming Birth' by Lucy Atkins is also v good on preparing for a 2nd labour after a difficult first one.

Remember that your labour is likely to be easier and shorter and generally less traumatic this time round even if you do nothing to prepare. Even just doing a bit of extra breathing and relaxation practice will help. If you do get a doula and hypnobirthing course sorted, all the better.

Best of luck whatever you decide to do :)

P.S. What a lovely DH you have.

Thanks Hairy! He is, isn't he!

Thank you so much everyone for all the resources. Sorry not to immediately comment on everyone's posts, but I think I'm going to have to have a bit of a read at lunchtime.

just putting it out there but if you are truly terrified is a elcs a possibility?

i had the same experience as you but ended in emcs. they said there is no way of knowing if i'll have a repeat performance and no way to definitely stop it.
i will probably choose the predictable option of an elcs.

Congratulations Secondtimelucky

I'm in a similar position to you, back to back, ended up with forceps and pregnant again. I was booked for a homebirth last time and if I could afford it this time I would definitely be going with an independant midwife. Have you thought of this? They've got a lot more experience of things like back to back labour. I found the NHS midwives were very eager to transfer me to the hospital once my labour failed to progress at their expected rate.

I'd look to see if there is a local homebirth support group who can advise you about what it's like in your area. I found out about mine through the NCT. They were brilliant for me, they lent me loads of books, research, DVD's etc and gave me the oopportunity to talk to other women in my area about their experiences.

I used the natal hypnotherapy CD and I found it brilliant. If you have the time to listen to the CD regularly I think you can do it without the course. The yoga is also really good and helpful during birth and just to keep you calm

The books and websites all recommended earlier were great for me. If you go for a homebirth I also found this book great homebirth practical guide

I'm going to be asking for an ELCS due to the damage first time round but at present am booked for a homebirth and did find the bits at home really great last time round. However, it doesn't guarantee a perfect birth by any means. I believe that some people are just unlucky.

Good luck with whatever you decide. The most helpful thing for me was just making sure I understood everything so felt informed whatever they asked me. I'd done the NCT course and found that really helpful. Although my birth was a bit of a nightmare the staff were really good and kept me informed and sought my consent every step of the way, which I think was due to me understanding everything, having a very specific birth plan and not having pethadine so I wasn't out of it at any time.

What I found useful:

Spinning Babies
Ina May Gaskin book
Childbirth Without Fear book
Independent Midwife (although on your budget I would recommend a doula. I was really looking for continuity, which didn't exist for me in my first labour.)
I used a cranial osteopath and a reflexologist who specialised in pregnancy and babies. I figured if nothing more at least I would get a nice back rub and foot rub out of it. However they can do a lot more than that - and clearly did for me! An osteopath can ensure your pelvis and body are in the best shape possible for a well positioned baby, labour and birth. A reflexologist can use pressure points to help the baby's position and to stimulate your hormonal system to give you the best chance for a good labour. I can highly recommned them!

the same exact thing happened to my friend, with some complications afterwards. she was petrified.

like you, she took control by getting a doula and would recommend that i'm sure, but in the event she had exactly the same presentation so this time very confidently called a halt to proceedings (with the blessing of the doula) and asked for a section. best decision she ever made, she says. it's a totally different thing if it's not an emergency and if you haven't actually laboured much.

i hope it's a doddle, but if things go the same, you aren't the same person dealing with it. you will have a line in the sand that will not be passed, and you will be able to express it loud and clear.

congratulations, hope it's all very boring indeed for you.

OP, you could almost be me! Except we ended with emcs. Am also now 6 weeks pg with number 2 and terrified - thinking about both independent midwives and hypnobirthing, it all seems so expensive though. We even have the same problem about hypnobirthing and childcare, although a local hypnobirthing teacher has suggested she might be about to run a evening group in our home thus avoiding need for childcare if we can find one more couple to join the group - will need a couple who are on baby no. 1 I think!

I agree Dwayne. I had similar experience to OP but with a PPPH too. I am 35 weeks and my preparation has been more focussed on gaining and feeling more in control during my 2nd birth experience. I really want a more active labour and I am hoping this will eliminate some of the issues I had as one intervention led to another!

I do believe it is possible to have a better birth next time but I realise that I just have to deal with whatever I am up against at the time. I am attending yoga, reading Hypnobirthing book and have decided to go to a totally different hospital. There was nothing wrong with the last hospital but just psychologically I feel better not walking through those doors again. I also got my notes from the previous hospital and went through these with my new consultant and this really helped (closure, understanding what and why things happened, likelihood of things happening again etc). I do feel more in control, I don't fear this birth and I think this positive mental attitude is really helping me approach this 2nd birth in a positive way. Good luck OP!

Thank you everyone. What an amazing response! I am working my way through all of the resources you've all linked to.

Dwayne - I agree that you can't ensure that things go smoothly. I think Okie put it quite well - I want to focus on gaining and feeling more in control. I genuinely feel that my experience with DD need not have been as hideous as it was if I had been better prepared. I thought I was prepared. But I was prepared for a conventional smooth labour. When I had been told about slow labours at NCT it had been 'you might have niggling contractions for 24 hours before things kick off', not 'you might be wailing in agony for 36 hours and still told by the hospital you are not in labour'.

I feel that if I can do everything I can on positioning, mental preparation, etc, then that should put me in the best position to increase my chances of a good labour, but also hopefully that it will increase my chances of recognising early on if something isn't right. I liked the point Aitch made about her friend. I want to feel a bit more in control that way - i.e. if it goes well, I can cope and feel calm, if it doesn't, I can cope and feel calm. As it was, I was bloody terrified.

soppypreggy- honestly, for me, an elective isn't really an option. I honestly want to do this again but to maximise my chances of it being a better experience (even if better turned out to be an EMCS where I felt that everything was calm, under control, and the way it needed to be). I genuinely believe that my medical care made my first labour many times worse than it needed to be. What gets me down in the thought that DD need not have suffered the trauma of distress and forceps and maybe me agreeing to their ARM and the spiral of intervention actually caused that (although maybe it would have happened already). I guess I want to know enough to try and not make it worse than nature intends it to be- a bad labour that couldn't be avoided is one thing, making a bad one worst is blooming upsetting.

StarlightMckenzie - is that an actual thing- the baby facing the placenta? Mine was anterior, as was my mum's when she had me (also OP). Nearly all the women on my mum's side of the family (her, mother, sisters) have had long OP first labours and 4-8 hour second ones, so I also wonder if there is a genetic link in there somewhere.