Can someone help with what went 'wrong' with DD's birth?

[LoubyLoubyLouLa]

I am currently 35 weeks pregnant. I had a very traumatic birth with my DD who is now nearly 4 (hence the big gap in ages!)

First of all my dd was diagnosed with a cleft lip and palate at 28 weeks (missed at all NHS scans) at a private 4d sexing scan. I really struggled with this and cried everyday for the following 12 weeks... I do think that this had some bearing in the labour as I had no desire to meet my baby and therefore my body and head were not in the 'same place'.

I was worried about going to hospital to be told that I wasn't in 'proper labour' so i laboured at home for as long as I could manage; for 12 hours (from midnight to midday) I then got quite tearful and frightened so DH decided it was time to go. When I arrived at hospital around 1pm I was examined midwife 1 and told that I was 7cm dilated and the baby would only be a few hours. (I called my mum at this point to tell her this and of course she came to hospital but waited in the waiting room thinking that it was only be a couple of hours).

We were taken to a room by midwife 2 and left on our own for a while and the pain was still manageable, painful but with a few minutes break between contractions. I then asked to go into the pool.

We were given another midwife (midwife 3) to go to the pool with. I got in the pool and gradually the contractions slowed. I remember joking 'i thought that labour was supposed to get harder not easier'. She keep telling me to tell her if I had any need to push, which I didn't. Then the contraction in my belly seemed to stop but the pain in my lower back increased and got to be very painful. After about 5 hours in the pool I was in agony with my back and I got out. I was then examined again to be told I was 2 cms - I had gone backwards how can this be??

Midwife 3 decided that breaking my waters was the only thing to speed things up. The actual breaking wasn't painful but the pain after was indescribable - from that point forward I had what felt like one long contraction with no break until my daughter arrived 7 hours later.

We were shown to a room and introduced to midwife 4 and all hell seemed to break loose. I lose track a little of what happened as I was in so much pain (no pain relief, not even gas and air) I was screaming and swearing for the next 7 hours (so much so my poor mum heard everything in the waiting room). I do remember screaming at my husband to 'fucking get me out of here because they are trying to kill me', holding him by the scruff of the neck begging him to help him. I'm sure that I had no break in the contractions and my back was in agony, I also had no urge to push whatsoever. Exactly what happened in the 7hours I'm unsure of but it was me being told when to push for about 6 hours with nothing happening and then the consultant giving me an episiotomy and using the vontuse. I do remember one attempt with the vontuse where the consultant pulled so hard he ended up being thrown across the room (baby didn't come out). I remember screaming 'i can't fucking do it' to be told my the midwife 'if I had a pound for everyone who said that...' but other than that its a bit of a blur (although I know 7 hours passed).

When dd did come out via vontuse I didn't have the elation of wanting to see her due to the cleft and feeling like I had been starring in some kind of horror movie.

The blood loss was unreal, I couldn't shower as blood clots were gushing down my legs. I went to sit down but an electric shock of pain went through my coccyx and I was unable to sit for about 2 weeks.

We were shown to a private room and at this point it was about 3 in the morning and my dh was told he'd have to leave. I sat in this room shaking (we have one photo of me and I look as though I have died I am so pale) I couldn't look at my baby and no one on the ward asked if I was ok. I just sat there in absolute shock.

I was left there until the following morning when I asked for an expressing machine (as I knew that she would be unable to breastfeed) the machine was wheeled in but no one showed me how to work it.

I was then very lucky with the support I got from the cleft team and also a lady I had already contacted at the le leache league who came to the hospital on day 2.

The letter about the birth that I was to take to the gp, I opened and it detailed severe blood loss but I wasn't advised of this at the time.

My god I've never written it down before, sorry it is so long!

My questions are:
how could my dilation go backwards?
should the midwife have noticed that it was not progressing correctly when I was in the pool and not let me bounce around for 5 hours doing nothing?
did my labour turn into back to back? never mentioned to me but from reading it seems so
is there not a policy if a women knows that she is having a baby with problems that some should ask how she is feeling/coping?

And finally will my next labour be the same?

I just wanted to say I am so, so sorry that you had such a terrible experience. I can't help with understanding what actually happened (but it doesn't sound like you were treated well at all)... but I think (if you haven't done so) you need to have a meeting with the hospital urgently and show them your post. Your next birth should not be the same and there is no reason it should.

I had a traumatic birth too (different to yours, a very painful induction, with some mismanagement and a stillborn) and I just had a first meeting at 18 weeks with the consultant where I wrote everything down in advance (it is hard writing it all down for the first time as you know) and she went through all the problems that happened step by step with a plan to make sure I will have a completely different experience. I was crying all the way through the meeting but it was worth setting it up as I am feeling much less anxious now.

My own written notes are on file (the consultant thanked me for writing them and bringing them in) as are the consultants notes with a birthplan that everyone is apparently going to have to stick to. I will go back at 34 weeks for another meeting to finalise the plan which covers pain relief, intervention (I won't have forceps etc. - straight to CS if necessary) and I will have a copy to keep with me and my husband for the birth.

I think you are extremely brave to be pregnant again and wish you better support this time.... but I think you might need to fight for it now rather than when you are labouring.

Louby, really sorry that you have had a bad experience. I haven't got time to read all of your post at the moment but will do so later.

Thought I would post this though as they may be able to help.

The NCT also have a Pregnancy & Birth Helpline where you can talk to someone about your birth:

"Pregnancy & Birth Line - 0300 330 0772
9am to 8pm, Monday to Friday.

You can call our Pregnancy & Birth Line if you have questions about issues relating to your pregnancy or birth, or if you want to chat about your experiences with a fully qualified antenatal teacher"

HTH

My first birth was horrendous. 2nd and 3rd literally slid out. 1 push for DD and DS just flew out himself. There really was no comparison. I hope things go much better for you this time.

Thank you for your reply, Lucy. I almost feel a bit of a fraud after you experience. At least I had my baby at the end... I'm so sorry for your loss x

Thanks for the info, Ineedsleep.

dilation can apper to go backwards for two reasons i am aware of - assessing dilation is subjective, teh first midwife might have been incorrect

or for some rason, maybe due to malpositioned baby or pushing on a not fully dilated cervix, the cervix became swollen and therefore appeared less dilated

getting in the pool before 5cm or so dilation can really slow things and make labour slow/stall....

it could be the baby turned OP hence pain in your back rather than abdomen, also OP can mean slower labour and more painful

and yes, of course you should have had extra support if it was known your baby had a cleft palate

am so sorry you had such a horrendous and traumatic time, i would endeavour to see a MW at the hospital and go through your notes and this will help you 'put it to bed' and you can ask for support and advice as to how to have a more posisitve experience this time

hi louby ,ive had 4dc and all labour and birth have been different.
as for dilation going backwards,i ve had that a few times but not on that scale ,i was told different midwifes feel differently or have larger hands ect.
first labour can go on for days.as long as you and baby seem to be coping medically they dont interfere.
all my labours were back to back ,it makes it a bit harder for them to come out and baby puts a lot of pressure on lower back.
i was told to keep upright standing and walking around bed untill i was ready to push
that helped a lot .and leaning over.
well documented not enough staff on maternity wards .
hows your daughter now ? have you questioned your care with midwife ect..

Lulumaam, thanks for your reply. I understand that fingers into the cervix as a measurement is pretty subjective but i am suprised at a difference of 5cm. I could understand going from 5 to 4cm for example but 7cm and then 2cm five hours later!!

My feeling is that she disengaged and then turned, if this is at all possible???!

yes, it is possible for babies to turn into positions that are not as optimal during labour, especially once the waters have gone.. the baby needs the cushioning to turn and once they have gone ,it can mean the baby remains in a suboptimal position

that all sounds awful. i hope that writing it all was somehow a release for you. to be honest, it sounds as though you know the answers to your questions yourself, and have really good insight into your own feelings, and were just really disappointed and scared it might be like that again!

the NCT thing sounds brill. didn't know about that- will be passing that info on!

dilatation doesn't go backwards- i think it's most likely the midwife who told you you were 7cm had made a mistake

Good luck with the next- it won't stop you worrying, but after dealing with all that the first time, I really think it'll be soooooo much better this time round.

Louby please don't feel a fraud! I actually think your experience is really quite shocking (and differently bad from mine) and you are genuinely brave to be doing it again.

It sounds like a very difficult birth and I'm not surprised that it's still causing you anxiety.

PP have already noted that dilation can be a very subjective measurement. I'd add that I've read accounts in one of the Ina May books of labours suddenly reversing in the way you describe, in response to a shock or sudden change in environment which makes the mother less psychologically comfortable.

You can also have back labour even without the baby being posterior.

The NCT birthline sounds as though it could be very helpful for you. Good luck!