how to decide?

[QueenofDreams]

I'm having trouble deciding whether to go for a home birth or a hospital birth.

I had a hospital birth with DS. It was fine, midwives were lovely, no complaints. But I thought this time I might go for a home birth.

The only problem is DP isn't keen. He's not going to kick up a fuss about my choice, but he believes the best place to be in labour is hospital.

Now I don't know how to decide. Yes he's prepared to support me but I know he doesn't really agree with home birth, and I wonder if that will affect how I feel about it all come the time, and whether I'll worry about it and it interfere with my labour.

Still got plenty of time to decide as I'm due Christmas eve.
What would you do?

Hehe starlight thanks :) He's just such a logical, scientific minded person that he deosn't really get the idea of birth as a natural process that is best not interfered with (if all is going well that is)

Might do the 'stay at home as long as possible' thing. As you say, you can transfer to hospital at any time.

Could you sit down with him and get him to elucidate exactly why he feels hospital is the best place? Maybe with the help of the homebirth reference site you could go through and counter each of his concerns.

Would he read the Father's Homebirth Handbook? It's got lots of well researched info and stories told by fathers.

Maybe get in touch with your nearest Homebirth group and see if there are any Dads who would have a chat to him about the benefits?

If it were me I would just tell him, look, it's me that goes through this, this is my decision and I am not making it out of a whim or in any way selfishly - look at the stats! - please be positive about my decision and support me.

Oh! if he's of the logical persuasion then surely all you have to do is show him study results like this one www.homebirth.org.uk/homebirth2.htm

I'm a logical thinker from a science background and chose homebirth on evidence-based rather than emotional grounds. Get him to read the literature, and read it very thoroughly, working through the figures himself if necessary.

With a low-risk pregnancy, 1:1 care from an extremely experienced midwife and living 15 mins from the hospital, homebirth gave the best chance for me to have a straightforward birth with minimal trauma to me or DD. We had a positive birth experience with no injuries and very quick recovery. I highly recommend homebirth to other low-risk mothers.

Unfortunately toga he's believed that recent study about home birth resulting in higher infant mortality than hospital birth. Based on failed resuscitations apparently. I've pointed out the flaws in the study to him, and he seems to come round, but then the next time it comes up he's back to defending the study again!

I'm also a logical thinker but he's definitely got a closed mind on the HB thing. We know a couple who have had two lovely home births, but they come across a bit to hippyish so DP won't take them seriously. His line is 'ignore the statistics: If something went wrong, would you be able to forgive yourself?' Which is valid I suppose. His response when his mum asked if HE could forgive was 'no, because she should have been in hospital'

Things go wrong at home where they wouldn't have in hospital, but the reverse is also true.
Have you asked him if he would be able to forgive himself if something went wrong in hospital following an arguably unnecessary downward spiral of intervention?

QueenofDreams

Hmmm. "Ignore the statistics" isn't a logical response. I think you may be dealing with a deeper-rooted emotional issue here.

I think I know the paper you're referring to. You might be interested in this and other critiques I've seen:
www.straightstatistics.org/sites/default/files/attachments/Critiqueofthemeta-analysisbyWaxetal_7July2010.pdf

I'm always very wary of HB studies which use US data and question their relevance to birth in the UK. Since midwifery is either illegal or not integrated into the medical system in a number of US states, the data used in these kinds of studies is likely to include births which are either unattended or attended by unqualified and/or inexperienced midwives operating illegally and without medical back-up. In certain states, there are also large religious communities who live some distance from medical facilities and do not routinely take up ante-natal care which would identify risk factors indicating a need for hospital birth. Unsurprisingly given these circumstances, in certain US states the chances of a baby dying at a homebirth is actually around six times higher than at a hospital, never mind three.

Studies from Canada or other EU countries such the Netherlands are likely to provide closer parallels for us in the UK.

I think you're right that actually this is more about an ingrained belief than a logical thought.

Still leaves me no closer to deciding what to do though. I know I have to factor in what he thinks. I have no particular objection to a hospital birth (maternity services are pretty good here) Just thought if I'm in labour on Christmas Day I'd rather not be in hospital. I don't know I'm going in circles.

You could try asking Bumperlicious on here (see "Ok, so I think I may possibly be in labour... thread"). I think she had a similar thing with her husband, not sure how she overcame it in the end.
Sounds like Starlight's suggestion might be a good one. Or keep banging him over the head with the stats till he folds

Can you ask him to explain his reasoning, using evidence that is applicable to the UK set-up? It can be hard to shift illogical ingrained beliefs, but at least get him to admit that they are illogical!

I know the study you referred to and came to the same conclusion as the UK midwifery authorities, in that it wasn't applicable to UK home births with 1-2 fully trained MWs as part of a connected health system.

My DH are I are both from a science background and we've gone with what we think is the evidence based decision - homebirth - assuming nothing changes between now and EDD.

I know lots of couples at our NCT group aren't happy to go for home birth but are fine to go for a birth in a stand-alone MLU, which has no safety benefits over HB.

DH thought I was mad when I suggested a HB for DC1. he seriously thought I had absolutely lost the plot, believing HB's to be the preserve of lentil weaving hippies or something.

Taking him to our local HB group where he was able to talk with men whose partners had given birth at home really helped (but mainly I think because he got to see that the men were decidedly average, lager drinking, trainer wearing types who could hold a conversation about football [smile )