At a bit of a loss.....!

[HighlandlassinLondonshire]

Huge Apologies I'm sure this tread / topic has already been 'done'. But i'm new and just getting the hang of it all.

This is my first baby and I've hugely nervous about childbirth. My HD keeps telling me it will all be fine but I'm just so scared. I have a very low pain threshold and I can't stand even having a blood test or blood presser taken. Even when I think about any medical pro I get very light-headed and feel sick. I was in floods of tears at my 12 weeks scan when they told me I needed to have further test inc bloods and was very nearly sick on the doctor.

I'm so happy that we are having a baby, I love children. But I just don't want to have the child ( I know it's got to come out...) But I can't stand the idea of it all, nor having lots people well fiddling with my bits. Best not to even get me started on tearing etc ?.ehhhh makes me feel sick.

My HD hate's seeing me upset or in pain and I'm not sure he'll be much help...if I'm honest. He's already asked if he can sit outside and come in when needed or at the last few moments. I'm sure when needed he'll 'man up' but I'm already worried out it.

So at a bit of a loss off whom to ask, none of my friends (I'm 28) have had babies so I can't ask any of them. Sadly my mother died when I was younger and my MIL is about to start 6 months of chemo. Any advice from would be great.

Also: I need to pick between Kingston and C&W hospital...? Not much in it with regards to location.
Heard great reports about Kingston, however another friend is a midwife at C&W and only had great things to say. Apart from a tour to get a better idea, what do you all lovely MN's think?

Sorry for sounding like a total wosy! Maybe I just need to chill out and go with it :) What will be with be.

Hi,
Maybe look into hiring a Doula. I had one for the birth of my DD because my DH wanted to pop in and pop out of the room and it worked well for us. The Doula was there the whole time and DH came and went as he needed to. He was there for all the important stuff and it really took the pressure off him which in our situation was good. I did end up having a difficult birth and was very glad I had a Doula with me as she kept me calm!

I know people who have given birth at Kingston and I've only heard good things about it. I don't know anything about C&W. A hospital tour of both places as you mention would probably help you to decide.

As for being scared I found it helped to research as much as I could about birth and to go to all the antenatal classes I could. I think the better informed you are the less scary everything will seem.

Hope this helps. Good luck. :)

Hi Fred,

Thank you for your message. :) I have been thinking about a Doula but just worried about what people will say. But I guess I just need to stop worrying.

DH thinks it might be a good idea for me and him. Not cheap but might be money well spent.

Doula sounds like a good idea to me, as then you can talk about it through with her beforehand. Also have you considered hypnobirthing?

Though what I would also say is that on the day you really don't think about the blood or people looking at your bits. All you can do is concentrate on whats happening and all you want is for the baby to come out!

Goodluck

I definitely second a doula - i was really scared. brilliant for the both of you. I cannot praise doulas enough!

where are you based?

I guess when it all starts I won't really care..!

I have looked in to hyponbirthing a number of people have suggested this, worth a shot.

Bubbahubba: I'm about to move to East Sheen, London

HighlandlassinLondonshire

I met a someone with exactly the same fears as you when I was pregnant. (We were both first timers with the same midwife but she was having a hospital birth and I was having a homebirth.) She was really afraid of needles, blood and pain. In the event, her birth was relatively straightforward, and most of her fears didn't come to pass.

It isn't inevitable that you will have lots of people "fiddling" with you, nor that you will tear. Suggest that you do lots of research and find ways of minimising these risks. I find that being well informed is great for calming fears.

As others suggested, having a doula to support you may be helpful, as might a well thought-out birth plan, stating your preferences and choices.

I did natal hypnotherapy and found it helpful in combination with other preparations.

Hypnobirthing, a doula, and a birthing pool and you will be sorted my gal. Promise. Alternatively go for an epidural and go easy on yourself. You really won't be bothered by the needle at the time. It will be fine, great in fact.

Hello Poppet and Togarama,

Thank you for all the advice.

xx

Speak to mister pooley cons obs at kingston about your fears

Have you thought about requesting a CS? If you don't like the idea of labour then maybe you should seek alternatives. I was never up for so called natural delivery and so have had 2 fantastic ELCSs - it is an option even with a first birth if you are persistent enough.

Hi,

Would love a ELCS however i know that the recover time is hard. My SIL had one after 36 hours of pushing.... I have no medical reason for having a CS, so I very much doubt they would give me one. However I can be a real pain in the butt and very persistent....!

knuckingfackered: Haven't pick a hospital yet, but will look up Mister Pooley at Kingston. Thank you.

Thank you :) xx

I had one on NHS with no medical reason so it is possible (it was a fight but I got it - persistence helps :) ).

ELCS seems to be very different from the stories of emergency ones where you are already knackered through labour. I was up and about the next day and had no pain. My recovery was better and quicker than most of my friends with VBs (reserarch some ELCS stories) Had my 2nd by ELCS too which was a similarly good recovery & experience.

As well as a doula, if your MW is good talk through your fears with her. Most of your fears are common ones - pain, lots of people, internal exams - I am NOT making light of them, but hopefully she should be able to reassure you.

I agree with you this isn't grounds for a CS. I agree CSs should be available for people with a profound fear of giving birth, but I think you are understandably anxious and fearful to a normal extent.

Hope your MIL is OK - so she will be being trated when the baby is born :( What effect will that have?

Good luck fr the birth, many women have normal, straightforward labours and births, me included. I didn't tear or have a cut but everyone says when it comes to that you really don;t care anyway. It is painful but it's not the panicky pain you have when you're ill - you KNOW why it's happening and can focus on getting through it.

Hi there,
Just to second Chynah's comments - you can indeed request an ELCS with no medical reason - I have also just done this.
Mr Pooley at Kingston is very understanding and pro women's choice.
I'm not saying a CS is right for you, I'm just saying you could consider it.
Also, Kingston don't do tours unfortunately (to prevent infection).
Good luck.

Thank you everyone comments, very kind.

Currently about to move house, so childbirth worries have been put on the back burner until after the weekend...!

MIL is well but treatment has been pushed back, till next week as more test needed. She very excited about first grandchild arriving.

PixieCake: Are you booked in at Kingston too? If you don't mind me asking (please do tell me to bog off if it's personal), what reason are you having a ELCS?

Meeting a friend of a friend next week to chat about childbirth. She's the same age as me and 30 weeks with number 2! Her HD is also a doc at C&W. So that should be helpful.

xx :)

dunno if your still watching this thread but just to further some previous comments............

For psychological reasons alone I had an ELCS nhs.
Story goes, I'm well aware of 'issues' in the nhs over this birth choice but for me it was the only choice.

We saved our pennies, I researched where and who I wished to deal with and ultimately spoke to Mister Pooley.
A truely lovely and understanding man.
Who said (essentially) was happy to see me however why hadn't I spoken to my nhs Drs about this as he takes nhs and private work and had I presented in his nhs clinic he would still have been sympathetic to my birth choice.

Due to cost, location etc he urged my to speak to them (nhs) and if I heard anything I didn't like to come straight back.

I took his advice and am thankful for his candidness.

He saved me £8K approx and as has been previously said a planned procedure is VERY different to the emergency situations that friends may talk of.
I went through my pregnancy being told I was probably going to die! by various 'friends' and that I was being silly.
The ONLY understanding I got was from the medical professionals I encountered.
Op incident free. No regrets

Thanks for that Knucking!

Going to head to C&W and will see how i get on. 20 week scan on Tuesday so will have a good chat about everything then.

Been quite a good tread on cs, positive stories so fingers cross.

Still feeling quite stressed about it all, not to posh to push, but to bloody scared.

ignore the politics, hype and opinions.
This is a private and personal matter between you and tour husb.
With professional support and guidance you'll find what suits you.
Good luck with scan