Has anyone had a doula at home for their first baby and what was it like?
Am thinking about whether to hire a doula (or a trainee doula). But I still don't really feel like I know enough to make the decision.
Am booked in for home birth in December, it's my first baby. Have met community midwife, who will likely be there to deliver baba. She seems a no-nonsense 'it's your show, do what you like' lady. Think she will be good for the technical stuff and telling me what to do re. actually getting baby out, but can't see her actually holding my hand being encouraging for hours and getting me to breathe right etc etc - think she'll generally keep out the way. (But then, I dunno, am not sure what happens in labour with midwives at home).
Will have DH there - obviously this is new territory for him and me and I'm not sure if he will be able to help that much. I guess we'll see after the NCT classes when hopefully there will be a clearer role given for him because I'm still a bit hazy about what he will actually be doing. (The NCT classes aren't til 37 weeks which is too late to hire a doula).
DH has no experience of birth, nor of me being in a vulnerable birth-like situation needing his encouragement and support for hours - so how will he know when to encourage me to pant/moo manage the breathing etc? And I think if I start yelling for drugs he'll just want to rush me to hospital.
(I would really prefer NOT to go to hospital for reasons I won't go into here)
We live in a small London flat. There is a large sitting room/kitchen where we spend most of our time, a small study with a sofa bed and desk, our bedroom, and a bathroom.
I just don't know what I'll be like in labour/where I will be in the flat and whether I will prefer to be on my own, or at least, on my own for large chunks of it, concentrating on doing the biz.
Or whether I will want someone there in my face being encouraging and helping me to breathe and chill out and roll with it all. And whether that person is the man I love, a medical professional (mw) or a hired experienced birth friend (doula).
Despite thinking/reading about it for several months, am still not really sure what a doula actually does on an hour-by-hour basis during a labour.
When does she come over? From the moment I start having contractions albeit very early stage ones?
Does she help me decide when to call the midwife over?
Does she spend the time massaging my back, telling me how to manage the contractions, breathe etc? Does she stay with me all the time?
What if I decide I just want to get in the bath/crouch on the bed and be left alone?
What if she and the midwife don't get on? There isn't exactly much space for both of them to wait about in the flat.
What if DH starts to feel like he is an ignoramus who is getting in the way of Women's Things and can't be as helpful/hands on to me as the doula can? If the doula is doing all the encouraging stuff what does he actually do? I can see him feeling a bit marginalised by the presence of 3 women and feeling like a spare part at the birth of his son, unable to support me intimately because he is the wrong gender and inexperienced with labouring women!
What if I have to be transferred to hospital?
I can see how helpful it would be to have a post natal doula to help me with BF and bathing/changing/dealing with post birth body stuff.
I can also see that I might feel a bit lost with a pretty hands-off midwife who I don?t know very well and am a bit scared of, and my DH, who is not a woman and has no experience of labour and may well wind me up without meaning to.
I think the presence of a lovely sympathetic calm woman who can do massage and get me to focus and cheer up and stay strong could be absolutely brilliant.
Then again, it might not work out well at all.
I just don't know what to do for the best so am on mumsnet banging on too long and looking for answers as usual - thanks!