Staying in hospital after birth

[Chrissy178]

Hi, I'm new here, kind of nervous about posting but this has been something that's been on my mind for the last few weeks and the closer my due date is, the more I think about it. I'm 38+4 with dc1.

At 34+6 weeks I had a heavy bright red bleed and immediately went down to hospital. Baby was fine, and they said it was an infection, and said they wanted to keep me in for 24 hour observation. I wasn't keen so they said if I didn't bleed for the rest of the day I could go home in the evening, unfortunately I did bleed so had to stay in.

I hated every minute of it. There was no privacy, it was noisy, mindnumbingly boring, the food was dreadful, I missed DP dreadfully when he had to go and I didn't get any sleep at all due to general uneasiness and the nightlight they kept on so they could check on everyone. The next day I just kept saying to DP that I wanted to go home, so when midwife came to do a check at 11am I asked if I could go home and she said I had to wait to see a doctor, who didn't turn up until 4pm. I was spotting maybe one or two drops of brown blood by this point and they didn't want me to go until I'd stopped bleeding completely for 24 hours despite baby being perfectly happy on every check, and I was so desperate to go home I lied and told him I hadn't bled a drop since the day before. When he said I could go home I then had to wait for the midwife who deals with the discharges because she'd gone on her break, then I had to wait for my prescription for my antibiotics. Got out sometime after 5pm.

This will probably sound weird and maybe wimpy to some, because written down the whole thing doesn't sound that bad, but when I got home I burst into tears because I was so happy to be home, and later that night ended up in hysterics crying to my DP about how I would be a bad mother because I couldn't deal with staying in the hospital for my own baby, though he kept insisting I'd done the right thing because I was getting stressed and upset by being in hospital which would have been no good for baby anyway but I still felt really dreadful about the whole thing. In the past few weeks I've had a few nightmares about bleeding again and possibly facing ending up in hospital for an overnight stay again.

I decided from the start I wanted a hospital birth because this is my first and I don't really know what to expect, I wanted to play it safe, plus DP and I felt a bit uncomfortable about me going anywhere else to begin with. When I decided this I didn't realize I would find staying in hospital so upsetting, because the last time I stayed in hospital I was a child so I can't really remember much of it. I don't mind labouring and giving birth in hospital, it's being made to stay afterwards that's worrying me.

I just wanted to know if there was anything I could do to possibly shorten any length of stay at hospital?

If you have a straight forward delivery there is no reaqojn you will have a prolonged stay in hospital. It may depend on your hospitals policy (they can't force you to stay even if policy dictates and certain length of time, but you are not going to be in the mood to fight about it!) and the time you have the baby, for example if you have baby at midnight you might not want to wait until morning to leave rather than go in the early hours.

I stayed in for 3 hours with DC1, 1 hour with DC2 and had DC3 at home. Good luck!

With 2 of mine I was discharged after 6 hrs so it possible. I got more sleep at home with a newborn and 2 toddlers than I would have done in hospital!

Forgot to say that they were born in the morning though. The one I had later on in the day I stayed in overnight and didn't get any sleep whatsoever.

You will be kept in if you have an epidural, if you have a straight forward delivery they maybe happy to discharge you the same day, however, ime the post natal care is so much easier than ante natal, I have been kept in, in similar experiences to you and hated it, afterwards there is a better reason to be there and a certain amount of cameraderie between mums, make sure you have things to keep you occupied, but you will have your baby to do that as well. All things considered I will be aiming to get home asap after delivery this time but its my 4th dc, 1st and 2nd I stayed in 3rd there was no room and I was asked if I would be happy to go home.

Another option is a private room, or private delivery. A private room is abotu £150 a night, if they're available, and the cost of a private delivery varies depending on the type of delivery and where you have it. But you get privacy, and on a private ward, better food!
Hope that helps!

Your length of stay I guess would be entirely dependant on the birth i.e. straightforward or complications plus dependant upon how good the MWs are you may find it easier to start with in hospital for help with establishing feeding and advice on caring for your newborn rather than at home with the short visits you get from the mw.

You could enquire about paying for a private room so you would be less disturbed (I understand some hospitals will try to accommodate this)

Also, discuss it with your mw how distressing this stay was for you perhaps she can help get you a private room if this would help.

Plus, don't forget that I doubt it will be mindnumbingly boring once you have your baby. You will be too busy cuddling, establishing feeding and caring for your dc or just sitting and staring in wonder. Take some entertainment with you books/magazines etc.

As for the food put some snacks in your hospital bag and get DP to bring food in. Once baby is delivered the visiting hours are very open for your DP at most hospitals so provided he doesn't have to be at work you will at least have some company.

You don't have to stay in - you are perfectly entitled to discharge yourself whenever you wish to, including during the night (i.e. you don't have to wait until morning to leave hospital if you give birth in the evening). Having said that, please do think very carefully about the risks you may be running if you choose to discharge yourself against medical advice - there might be very good medical reasons for you to stay in.

Someone said earlier that you'd be kept in if you had an epidural, but I have to say that wasn't my experience - I had an epidural and was able to stand up and walk around within 2 hours of delivery (even though I'd had several top ups) and the midwife would've given me a 6 hour discharge, so please don't think that you have to choose between pain relief and leaving hospital early. (I did stay overnight, but that was because DS had to have his temp checked every few hours.)

Also bear in mind that you don't have to wait for a paediatrician to check the baby before leaving - you can take your DC to a GP for the checks, which might speed up your departure somewhat.

I stayed in 3 nights/4 days after my DD was born and it was hard. It's the waiting around, not knowing what's happening and when you can finally go that did my head in.

I paid for a private room after the first night. I concentrated on establishing a routine and kept sane by making sure I did the stuff I usually would - shower, make up, getting dressed etc even though it seemed a lot of other people weren't bothering or weren't up to it.

Mum2oneloudbaby is giving really good advice there! Snacks, snacks, snacks, and getting to know your new baby.

Once it was over and we could go home it eventually faded in to the distance, I had a good cry and carried on all the good stuff I'd started in hospital with getting in to a routine etc.

You might have to stay in (even if you avoid all the things people mentioned above), or you might not, but you will absolutely cope with it. Feeling unhappy about having to stay in hosp (even when it is for your baby) doesn't make you a bad mother - you're an independent grown up and being in hosp can feel completely incompatible with that.

Good luck - I hope you get an early release!

my baby was born just after 5am and becausew of an intrapartum haemorrhage they wanted me to stay twelve hours which tbh I was glad to do because I had no real idea what was going on for at least the whole morning. I showered, had baby back on me skin to skin and ignored everything else except dh and the occasional midwife. I had the luxury of being transferred back down to the MLU after the birth though, meaning my own room with ensuite wetroom and total privacy. I actually chose to stay the next night & go home in the morning to give me more time without the real world encroaching on us.

When the hearing test lady came to do see us she told us she had just been on the postnatal ward upstairs where they are 4 to a bay and curtains and shared loos and showers and a total of thirty guests between the four beds! I breathed a total sigh of relief at being well enough to escape that. I think if I had stayed there I would have been home by lunchtime.

You should do what feels right at the time. You may find you actually dont care where you are, so engrossed will you be with your new baby.

Hi
I'm in the same boat although this is my second. We live over an hour away from the hospital & the thought of being 'stuck' up there on my own panics me! With DS I ended up having an emergency csect but was out within 40hours of having him. But I still insisted on my DH staying in a hotel at the end of the hospital road!! Just knowing he was near helped a lot, if I needed him he could be there in 5mins! And we're doing the same this time, my mum will stay with DS & my DH will stay in hotel if I'm kept in over night after delivery. Would it make you feel happier if your DP was closer to you?
Also after you've had the baby you'll be busy cuddling, feeding changing nappies etc & it's 24hours not just during the day! And there will be lots of other women up in the night with their LO who you'll be chatting to etc so I'm sure it won't feel or be as bad as your last experience. Just keep thinking how exciting it will be when your DP comes in with the carseat for you take your baby home!

Just to put the other side...

I has my first baby 3 months ago in a teaching hospital - arrived 7cm and delivered without problem less than 3 hours later. An hour to do stitches and got to post natal ward at 10.30pm. They would have discharged me the next morning but I had requested (on advice from friends) to go to a nearby (15 miles) midwifery led unit for postnatal care.

All private rooms, ensuite. I got 3 good meals a day brought to me, brilliant breastfeeding help, emotional support and rest (they took the baby to the nursery and watched him any time I wanted). And yes this was on the NHS.

I can't tell you how important this was for me. I was exhausted after the birth and my LO is a hungry monster - barely left the boob for 3 days. I stayed for 4 days and chose when to go home, they were happy for me to stay longer if I wanted. I wouldn't be breastfeeding now if it wasn't for their support, and I probably would have ended up with significantly more than the baby blues. I'd go back like a shot if I have another (or just for a break!!).

So it's not always a negative experience staying in, you just have to find the right unit, or be lucky enough to have one nearby.

(Hexham hospital in Northumberland if anyone's interested!)

BTW there is sometimes a middle ground between going private and being on a ward. I had DD1 in hospital and had to transfer in after having DD2 at home (home birth doesn't necessarily mean no hospital unfortunately, even if the delivery is safe and successful!) and I asked for a sideroom and got one both times. Sideroom is just a room with one bed covered by a ward but not actually part of the ward iyswim. There was no extra charge for this and you're still stuck with the crappy food and everything but you've got your own space and probably your own bathroom which makes things a bit easier. You've obviously also got a bell to ring if you need assistance.
I believe though if you have a section they will keep you on the ward so they can keep an eye on you. I don't know if this affects the option of a proper private room, so to speak.
Hope this helps.

magnum I want to give birth in Hexham!

I had ds at 3.20am by ventouse and was discharged at 11.30am the same day. I actually wanted to stay in because I was so sore from the episiotomy and a bit unsure about the breastfeeding but there were no beds so we had to go. On the plus side we got to stay in the delivery room so dh stayed with us the whole time. I'm sure most hospitals are grateful to those patients who want to go home asap as it frees up a bed.

I don't know if anyone else had this experience but I got to go after a bowel movement! I don't know if it was down to the particulars of my labour or not, but that is what they said when I asked to go home. I know someone who had a EC who lied and said she had gone when she hadn't ( she had been in for 3 days) - I had but that was, I am sure, down to the dried apricots!

Also, I know how it feels to be so worried about the unknown, but as others have touched on- postnatally you are knackered and overwhelmed and in a daze and you will be home before you know it.

I had a similar experience to magnum. Had to go to hospital for delivery as there was meconium and I had to be monitored. The birth was okay and I was in hospital for 12 hours waiting for an anti-d injection. As soon as I could I got out and transferred for postnatal care to the midwife led unit/birth centre where I had planned to give birth.

All I can say is reasearch your local birth centres, they don't seem to promote themselves very much it seems. It was a 20 mile trip from my house but worth the numerous journeys for visitors. I stayed 3 nights and the care was amazing. Had my own room and all the help I could want with breastfeeding and other things like bathing that the hospitals don't bother to show you. They took DS away and looked after him for a few hours overnight between feeds so I could get some sleep (he was very unsettled until my milk came in). The food was lovely and I just felt so well cared for.

It basically get you out of the noisy hospital and allows you some quality peaceful time to bond with your new baby, with help on hand when you need it. You don't get this in my local hospital or at home.

I went to Darley Birth Centre in Matlock, Derbyshire, if anyone's near there.