How long did your older children stay away?

[Bumperlicious]

My biggest fret at the moment as I wait to give birth is despatching DD somewhere in good time, with minimal fuss.

I'm having a HB hopefully but she definitely won't be around, as we live in a v small house, if she woke up she wouldn't stay quiet or out of the way, and I would be concerned as to what would happen if I had to be transferred in a emergency.

We have some local friends who can hopefully take her but my ultimate plan is that one of my SILs would have her for the night. The only problem is they are about 45 minutes away (an hour by the time they are ready to leave) and my last labour was only 5-6 hours so I'm expecting this one to be quick. So my plan is to alert my SIL but in the meantime have DD go to a local friend to be picked up by SIL.

My question is it reasonable for DD to stay away over night, even if I was done having the baby and tucked up by afternoon? I just think that it would be good to have the first night just focusing on the baby, and DH and I won't have to get up for DD in the morning. But when I read stories of HBs they all end 'and the DC's woke up to find their new little bro/sis and we all sat in bed, one big happy family' and then I feel bad for wanting her out of the way for a night.

DD is used to going away, she has stayed with my 2 SILs over night before and several times at my mums. She really likes it and gets spoilt and sees her cousins, so it's not a hardship, but part of me feels bad and disloyal to her, sending her away so I can have the new baby.

What are your experiences? It's almost worse as it is a HB, as I will be at home. I could amost justify it more if I were in hospital.

Don't feel guilty Bumperlicious! You know yourself and your child, and if you know that having her there will make things more difficult for you, and she loves being at your family's houses, then there is no reason in my opinion that you should feel guilty. And anyway, you have no idea whether you will be tucked up in bed by afternoon, or if you'll be giving birth during the night, in which case she'd really have to be away to prevent from disturbing her sleep. I'd say go with your plan because it sounds like a sound one (have a close by friend pick her up until SIL arrives, then let her go home with SIL) and then see how things go, and if you are tucked up in bed and want her home, you can always call SIL and ask nicely if they could drop her home. Or if you're tucked up in bed and thought that having her back the same day would wear you out and cause you stress, just ask them to bring her back the next day. I don't know how old she is, but I imagine she'd be pleased to come home to a brand new baby the next morning!

P.S. I'd have my three in the room to watch, but my hubby thinks that's a bit weird (whatever! I watched my brother being born and cut his cord when I was 3, I thought it was fantastic!). Fair enough I said, but they are coming in before the cord is cut! I plan to ring a friend nearby to come round and keep them busy in the house/garden until baby comes out, and that way if we do have to transfer to hospital, they are taken care of and there is no worrying about who is going to come get them/stay with them...

Thanks sarahbuff, she is 3 btw. I would find it incredibly distracting to have her around, constant commentary, wanting to get in the pool...

Plus I worry that she would be upset if I appeared not to be coping very well.

I dont have any children (39+3 with my first!) but I think your plan is good and you shouldnt feel bad at all! Can you imagine the excitment on DD's face when she arrives home to her little baby borther/sister?! what a welcome home! Plus hopefully you will be nicely rested and will be able to enjoy your first moments as a happy little family!
Oh good luck hope all goes well! x

My 4th birth was idyllic - baby born early morning, kids came in, saw baby, went to school and playgroup, and then after school we had arranged sleepovers for them so we had a bit of quiet time with the baby.

(should say was homebirth)

Thanks for the replies. I just don't want it to seem like I am 'sending her away' even though that's what I am doing. I just think I need a bit of calm before the storm of two children!

ds2 was a home birth - middle of the night - ds1 (4y4m at the time) slept through it, came into our room the next morning and met his new brother.

I wouldn't have wanted him there awake, but then as my labour was so quick I wouldn't have had a choice anyway.

that should be 3y4m

I will be ttc dc2 next year and this is one of the things I worry about. I also had a fast labour so will need to find someone to take ds straightaway. I think your plan sounds fine, as you said your dd loves staying with your sil. She will look at this as a big adventure, going to stay with her aunt and cousins and coming home to a brand new baby! In the few weeks you have left just keep talking to her about what will happen when the new baby arrives so she fully understands and say that babies like to play tricks on mummies by not giving them much warning when they are on the way so she knows she may have to go on her adventure at short notice. She'll be fine try not to feel guilty (easier said than done I know). Good luck with the birth

Sounds like a very sensible and lovely plan! Good luck with the birth.

Oh and dealing with 2 children is nowhere near as difficult as you might fear. I've now got 2 under 2 and I was really dreading coping with them both but it somehow all slots into place.

Also, we were advised to put newborn in a crib when dc1 first met him/her rather than holding the newborn. We did this (hospital birth) and DS (nearly 2yo) has been amazing with newborn DD, no jealously at all, in fact he just wants to cuddle and kiss her all the time.