How do you explain to a young child about them having to 'go away' when you are in labour?

[Bumperlicious]

We are planning a HB for DC2, but as soon as things get going we will be (hopefully) sending DD (3 yo) to stay with someone (depending obviously on how long things take, not long if no.1 is anything to go by). How do you explain this to them without making them worried or feel pushed out?

So far I have just said that when 'Bubba' comes mummy will have to really concentrate (I think she understands this as I have to say it to her when I am driving quite a lot!). She doesn't have a problem going to people's houses, or even staying away if necessary, so I'm not worried about that. I just don't want to panic her, especially if we have to wake her in the middle of the night, and I don't want her to feel 'sent away'.

Its a special adventure for her,so that mummy can concentrate on getting the baby sister/brother here and cos it makes mummy a bit 'hot and bothered',Aunty xxxx or whoever has said she will let you stay at hers - now the trick the new baby might play is we dont know just when they will want to come,so in this special bag for you we have colouring/playdough/a new dolly/car for you to have to keep you busy and if the baby decides to come at bedtime you have your best pyjamas and a new book/dvd just for you to celebrate the new baby,and then as soon as the new baby is ready you will come back home and youll have to give me lots of cuddles and kisses cos I will be very tired and I will miss you whilst im doing all this hard work.

make it sound like an adventure. dd was v excited about going to her friend's house. |Tell her the plan, make her part of the planning.

Thanks for the tips. God I am hormonal, am starting to feel a bit tearful at the thought of it, the imposition on her

My DD has just turned 3 and has had the conversation with me lots of times about what is going to happen. She came up with a lot of it all on her own - she knew that we had to look after her cousin while my sister was in hospital 'getting the baby out,' and she knows I will be going to hospital too. We've got my hospital bag all packed, and she looked at what I have in it. We've got her Trunki and packed similar things (although obviously not all the same stuff!) She's got things like new PJs and some snacks and a washbag in there. So her bag is packed - she knows she has to go and play at a friend's house. She has been quite specific about which friends she would like to go and play and stay with the most! We had a long chat about when the baby would arrive. She knew it was after a family member's birthday last weekend, but we also talk a lot about the fact that babies are unpredictable, and you don't know exactly when they are going to come out. So she is waiting patiently know (rather more patiently than I am!) We have bought a present for her from the baby, and one from her to the baby too. She is getting very excited about it all.

Hi Bumper

I am delighted you are planning a HB! Just to go against the grain a bit, we didn't make it much of a big deal. We had the neigbours on stand-by for a swift scoop-them-up-if-necessary, but I didn't want to send them off as such. I think my line was, 'you might have to go to XXXXs, but we'll see'.

In my case I am convinced that mind-over-matter played a huge part. Certainly with the first home birth I staved off full blown labour until DC1 was in bed. I remember saying, "right, we can get on with it now". In the morning he came and got into bed with us all. DC3 was born inbetween me saying 'good morning' to DC1, telling him I was about to 'get the baby out' then DH took him and put Thomas DVD on, I had DC3, then DC2 woke up, went to the neighbours for brekkie, came back and we all climbed into bed together.

DC4 was cutting it a bit fine though. DC1 asked to go to bed, he knew. Once they were all asleep she came flying out!

I suppose my waffly point is, having a plan is really important because we never know what is going to happen, but be prepared to go with the flow. Think best case scenario, go for that but make provision for things changing.

Its getting close now isn't it? x

Just to add - I know exactly what you mean by 'the imposition on her'. I felt so guilty for DC1 when DC2 came along, and regretted it ever since as it interfered with my enjoyment of DC2.

Guilt is a negative emotion, and this is such a positive time. You DD will love having a little one, she will always be special to her brother or sister - who will look up to her and adore her. She will be even more special to you because of it. Yes her role will change, but you will see another part of her in her big sister role. So please, don't feel bad about it in any way, shape or form. x

Thanks for the advice foxy :)

There's no way I could do it with DD around (unless I really have to), a) just in case I have to transfer in an emergency and b) because she is really not the type to go away and sit quietly or go to bed easily! I have a list of local people who we can contact then one of my SILs will come from a bit further afield if necessary, both of whom she has stayed with before.

Worst comes to the worst though Toy Story on the laptop might keep her engrossed. She is fascinated by the birth pool which we are leaving up, I've promised her a go once the baby comes!

Bumper, know what you mean about the imposition, but watching dd and now 11mo ds play and laugh today = it is absolutely worth it. She adores him, has done from the start, and was utterly unbothered about being turfed out of bed - she found it tremendously exciting!

I know you've said you couldnt do it with dd around but my dd (then 3yo) was at the birth of my 3rd and took a (reasonably!) active role. She woke up about 40mins before baby was born. Dh held her when she was in the room and the mws spoke to her and gave her a plastic apron to wear and showed them all the equipment. I get all teary when I think that she was one of the first people to greet her sister. She still talks about it. I know it's down to personal preference, what role you need your partner to play, the personality of your dd etc. but I'd play it by ear, personally, it could be great with her there.

i never said to ds1 that he would have to go away

i asked him if he'd like to go and play at grandma's while I had the baby

grandma is his favourite person in the universe so he jumped at the chance.

I too think she'll see it as an adventure

Just let her know in advance what the likely scenarios could be

i.e, that she might have to get up in the middle of the night (how EXCITING!) to go to Aunty's/Nanny's/Next door

DD1 was 2.7 when DD2 was born. She was packed off to GP's once contractions were getting regular (you'll know when she needs to clear off, IYKWIM)

Marjean - Respect ot you. I have to say there is NO WAY i could have had my DC with me in labour. They would have thought I'd been taken by the bodysnatchers or something . The pushing phase with DS was like something from Bedlam

Btw Bumper, when are you due?! Can't be long?