I would love a homebirth but DS (4) is really not keen...

[Skimty]

I'm 33 weeks pregnant would love to have a homebirth. It's my third baby and DH and the midwife are both very keen and supportive.

DS (who will be just 4 when the baby arrives in October)was talking about when I go into hospital to have the baby so I thought I gently introduce the idea that i would have the baby at home. His reply was 'I think you should go into hospital becaus it will hurt too much'. He is determined to 'phone the ambulance for me' and 'is scared that there will be too much blood'.

I explained the blood was like a period (which he's aware of) or like a nosebleed (I've had several this pregnancy)but he's not convinced. I've explained that it only hurts like 'doing a poo' (I'm sure any future mother of his children will disabuse him of this notion!!). However, he's still unconvinced and told me out of the blue again today that he thought I should go to hospital.

WWYD? I don't really have anywhere he can stay although I have people who would watch him when I went into hospital. I also have DD who will have just turned 2...

I wouldn't say anything to him. My girls were four and a half and three years old when ds was born at home, and they didn't know the birth was planned to be at home. They slept through it in their bedroom.

I didn't tell them for the same reason I didn't tell anyone else: birth is unpredictable and I didn't want the questions if things had gone differently and if I was transferred to hospital.

If he talks about the hospital again, I would tell him that if the midwife says you need to go to hospital then you will.

The chances are, as belgo says, that he will sleep through it. With each of my homebirths I laboured during the day, with the children around, and it didn't seem to bother them at all. They did go to stay with ds1, and then ds1 and ds2 did go to stay with friends whilst I was actually having ds2 and ds3 (if you see what I mean), so didn't see me in the later stages of labour, but as I had ds2 at around 2am and ds3 at around 4am, I suspect they would have slept through if they had been at home.

Perhaps if your ds sees you in the early stages of labour, he may be less worried about you having the baby at home - he'll see you coping with the pain, and see that there isn't lots of blood, and that may reassure him.

My friend's ds was there when she had a home waterbirth with her dd, and he wasn't worried or upset at all - I think it was a very positive experience for him.

I think it's great that you're discussing it with him, but is there some way you can gently communicate that it's not his decision to make? And that, like belgo says, you (and daddy and the midwife) will see how things go and make your minds up as things unfold?

He sounds anxious about it, he's picked up these ideas about blood and ambulances from somewhere, I hope you manage to stop him worrying.

If you are concerned about him chances are he'll be asleep when it happens - I know I didn't fully relax and get on with it until I knew ds1 was asleep.

Thank you. I do really wish I hadn't said anything and I am not going to bring it up for now and hope he forgets (because 4 year olds are great at forgetting what you want them too? )

I just wonder whether I can really relax now. I keep thinking about him waking up and being very upset. He's really excited about the baby and wants to talk about it a lot. He's also really kind to DD so I think he'll be a good brother to this one and i don't want to get off to a bad start.

I think I have to just play it by ear (as I would do anyway).I am hoping he'll sleep through it all.

Where has he got the idea that there will be blood or pain? Both my DC (age 4 and 6)really keen to watch at home but we decided on hospital birth. Didn't occur to either of them that there would be pain or blood.

In the event I went into labour right after I put them to bed, went into hospital at 4am and DC3 born at 7am. If we'd been at home they would have slept through it and would have woken up to new baby rather that to a babysitter.

I really don't know where he has got the idea that the birth would have to be hospital even, let alone the blood and pain. As I said I've downplayed these things as much as possible. We rarely watch television and other than going to preschool three morings a week he's only with me.

It's not unusual for him though. He has also asked me what would happen if the baby was dead when it comes out so I think it's just the way he thinks IYSWIM. I always try to be very understated when he says things like that. However, I think that's a whole other thread.

Thanks for everyone's help. I think I'll probably book in for a homebirth at my midwife apppointment next week and then see how it pans out on the day/night.

Hi I have had 2 home births. My 2nd and my 4th children. (other 2 were hossy)

My last one was 7 weeks ago. My 3 other children aged 5yrs 11 months, 3 years 9 months and one year 9 months were in the house when I began to labour.

I had planned to have them in the house as this had been their wish when we discussed it with them. However it started during dinner and the labour came on incredibly quickly so I needed hubby to fill the pool etc in quite a rush so I rang a friend round the corner and she took them to hers for an hour. Hubby then called her to bring them back as I was about to deliver.

They came in and saw the birth. My 3yr old got his goggles on ready (pool birth) and all 3 were standing right there and were completely delighted and amazed by the whole experience. With the midwives help the eldest two cut the cord.

I have always been very matter of fact with mine like you sound like you are with yours, about periods, breast feeding etc, and had said it was mostly like having a massive poo. They knew their could be blood and poo and we had all had good fun practicing the sounds a mummy can make when she works hard to get the baby out.

Also another key prep for us was watching birth videos. There are lots of peaceful, gentle homebirth vids on you tube. I would choose a few and watch them yourself before hamd and then maybe gently talk him through a couple to reassure him, you can be guided by his reaction from there maybe?

If its at night then he will very very likely sleep through as has been said, or during the day be at school. Maybe for other awake time could he go round to a school pals who you know well if it kicks off?

hth Julie

I thought you might welcome the expereince of a child who had seen a home birth.

I was 2 and a half when i was a friend birth. I don't really remember this.

I was 9 when my little brother was born at home. It was an increable thing to witness and a wonderful thing for us to do as a family. My mum was in labour for 17 hours so i was awake for a lot of it. I told my mum my brother was a boy (she didn't know until then).

Prior to the birth i attended several antenatel session with my mum so i got to hear my brother heart beat ect. I attended two birthing classes with my mum dad and birth helper. One included a video of a birthMy mum also regulary took me to homebirth meetings. I could read too so i was given books ect to read.

It maybe that your son would like to have a defined role in the birth. It may help him feel more in control of the situation. Also a video of the a home birth might help show him what to expect.
It might be useful to have a birth helper who is at the home for the birth who is responsible for you son during the birth. In case he is particularly unhappy it will mean he has some support when you might not be able to give it to him. This is quite common in australia but not sure in the UK.

For me seeing my brother being born has meant that I feel really confident in my decsion to have my first child at home. I feelmy brother and i have a special bond becuase i was there when he was first born
Good luck in what ever you decided.

Agree with hazchem that experience of homebirth not frightening for a child. I was 7 when my baby bro was born. My sis and I didnt go in to my mums room where she gave birth but it was not frighening for us and it was great to be around to see the excited look on my dads face.

Also good for me now, that early experience of birth has led me to believe that birth can be a quiet (non-screaming), natural process. I got to see the placenta. I got to see my new born bro looking a bit greasy and bloody. It was good to have that insight.

Tell your ds that it will be better if youre at home so he can see you and new baby straight away and will get to know that youre alright rather than if youre in a hsopital somewhere away from him. Also you could reassure him that should you need to go to hospital its easy to transfer there so youre not in any risk at all for having a HB. Good luck. This is your decision and you just have to do your best to set his mind at ease.

Hazchem and HelenaCC its brilliant to hear how fond your memories are :-)

My children were also intrugued by the placenta and the mw did the checks on it with their "help".

They now happily talk about it to their friends.

ps I agree about having another adult just for the children - we had my mum there.