So, has anyone laboured alone by choice?

[Mamanevertoldme]

DH and I having a rough time of it lately. Financial issues, no sex life (not for lack of encouragement on my behalf), lack of effective communication, two DC and a week away from having the third.

When I try to tell DH how I feel emotionally unsupported not to mention he seems to relish the opportunity to launch into full scale fight mode.

You know, "Go then, if thats what you want", which it's not. It'll be a week before things are back to normal (yeah, right) as long as I don't try to 'talk' about anything.

I'm a SAHM with 2DC, pregnant at full term, try to support him to the best of my ability but I feel unsupported myself.

Whenever I mention my anxiety about the impending birth he smirks in a way that says he can't wait to see me in pain. He says things like, 'It's nothing', 'It's all in your head', 'I have pain everyday' (back issues).

He wasn't much help with the other two births either so I feel like I'd be better off just taking my chances with the midwives and letting him sort the other DCs out.

I love him but when trouble strikes it's always all about him. I feel like he'd make me more anxious than anything.

My only concern is that if there is a problem with the baby and/ or me someone else there would be a safeguard to new DC.

WWYD?

Not to mention physically and financially (he ditched a good jon for a much less paying one 8 wks prior to baby coming).

Had a heated argument earlier after I tried to explain calmly how I felt.

Sorry if OP seems disjointed, am still a bit upset cranky.

I didn't understand what you meant by "My only concern is that if there is a problem with the baby and/ or me someone else there would be a safeguard to new DC."

If you don't want him as your birth partner is there someone else you could have there instead like a family member or friend? You could tell him you'd like to have a female birth partner if telling him that you don't want him because he's an arse would cause an argument.

My experience of labouring (essentially)on my own is very different from yours. I was in a different emotional place altogether but I can say that it is possible to labour successfully on your own as long as you are comfortable with your body's ability to birth.

Speak to your midwife asap and discuss with her your relationship difficulties and that you are (seriously) considering birthing without dh there and how do they normally accommodate such scenarios. Midwives have heard it all and much worse than where you are and they are trained to understand that pregnancy can put difficult strains on relationships. Enquire if there is a service for birthing partners in the Trust. Sometimes trainee doulas will give their services for free so that they can have the experience of attending births.

It isn't too late to find someone else to be there to support you if you are worried about birthing alone at all.

RonansMummy - I mean that if (God forbid) I should need an emergency C section or something else goes wrong he could be with bub if I am incapacitated somehow.

It should be OK though as other two births were straightforward.

foxytocin - where I am I don't have a midwife as such.

I see an obstetric GP, next appt one day before due date and it's a man (don't flame me for being sexist please, I do like men just feel it's a different experience to talking to a woman).

Any midwife I speak to would be unknown to me and I don't want to appear problematic IYSWIM.

It could very well all be OK by then but right now I'm so anxious and feel like he likes having someone to fight with.

PS. Am terrified of birthing.

Back soon.

What about getting a Doula? Some will do it for free / reduced fee?

so where are you?

Also, if you don't want to be a 'bother' then you will never get the service that they are paid and trained to give. Honestly, midwives have seen and heard it all before and your case won't make the average one bat an eye.

Australia, and it is kind of short notice.

i had DD on my own, a home water birth, with just one MW. My mother was in the house too but not in the room with me - is there a friend you could have as a birth partner either in the room or just waiting nearby in case of emergency?

sorry your're having a rubbish time. Sounds like you need to have a proper discussion.

Your DH sounds like he is being horrible about the labour. Is he often like this? or are you over sensitive with being preg. (only ask as I turn into a grumpy cow!) Obviously you have loads of issues going on. I think most of them you need to wait til after the baby comes to try and resolve.

As for labouring alone, I did for no.3, I was in the house, DH asleep upstairs (with my blessing). I found it quite a surreal experience, watching telly inbetween contractions but felt in control. He did come down for the last hour, luckily as the midwife was late due to short staffing and he delivered. it was easier than my other labours.

I prefer being on my own during labour, I get all grumpy and don'tn want to speak/be touched. I kind of go internal. And it seems to work as the more I do it the quicker labour comes.

It worked for me but I was happy to not have him there. I would be very frank with him and explain you are serious and maybe try and reach a compromise.

PS - I love having 3, my younest is 2 months and has slotted into life brilliantly. (it's the other 2 monkeys that tire me out!)

good luck

Flying - thanks for you input. I kinda feel the same.

Thanks for the posts ladies.

mama

sorry you are having these issues, great timing eh! sometimes men get a bit scared and rubbish

how was he in the last 2 births?

I think you CAN do this alone if needs be, in the days of yore there were no men at the birth were there?

do you have a friend/sister that can join you?
you MUST talk to midwife tho, and explain

can you read any books, just to help calm you down and remind you of the natural process

good luck , fingers crossed, and if you can stay calm better solo than with someone you dont want there