Denied pain relief- worried it will happen again

[DancingOnMyBladder]

Will try to keep this brief!

I am 36+5 with DC3. I've had two previous home births and am planning another.

The first was unplanned and midwives arrived when i was 9cms announcing that i wasn't going anywhere due to impending delivery. I had coped well up until this point and they had gas and air which i used for pushing, DC1 was large (over 10lb).

Due to first birth going well at home (dispite horrific tearing and infection afterwards which required a week in hospital!) I decided on homebirth for DC2.
I coped well again and labour was much quicker but i had an 'old school' midwife who refused to give me gas and air when i asked for it. She wasn't blantently horrible but just kept saying 'no, why would you want it when your doing so well?' or 'maybe we'll save it for later when you're pushing' and then when it came to pushing she said i was too late and needed a clear head for this bit. DH also didn't like her for lots of little reasons which i wasn't aware of at the time. I realise she was judging me to be coping well but surely my wishes should have been listened to?

Now 3rd birth is nearly here and have been doing my birth plan so subject of pain reliefe has come up. I'm really worried that i'll not be given the pain relief when i need and ask for it. I know she was probably only trying to be encouraging and i was proud of the fact that i had a completely natural birth but i'm so scared of being in terrible pain with pain relief in the house and not being allowed it.

I'm so sorry this had turned out really long but does anyone have any tips of how to make my point about needing it and getting my own way. I've not realised how much this has affected me until now.

I think you really need to write in big letters on your birth plan that you want pain relief as soon as you ask for it and make sure your dh is prepared to advocate for you. I would also mention it at every mw appointment and make sure that they write it in your notes. I think I'd seriously think about making a complaint about the horrible mw refusing to give g + a too . Good luck with the birth! I've never heard of that happening before so you'd have to be really unlucky for it to happen twice!

I would write in your birth plan:

"I have had a previous bad experience of not being given gas and air when I asked for it during labour - due to the midwife feeling that I was coping well.

It is important to me that my rights to pain relief at my request are respected. While I appreciate your support in encouraging me to labour naturally, when I ask for pain relief I expect it to be supplied immediately.

My husband is aware of this express concern and will be advocating that this happens.

Thannk you for understanding this matter."

or something similar. Don't take any crap hun.

Good luck for number 3 x

Brilliant wording mungojerry . Good luck OP

How awful DOMB

As well as birth plan (which may not get read depending on speed of labour), brief DH fully to ensure you get the pain relief you need when you want it.

I'd also talk this through with community midwife and get it written into your notes (attach sticky note to relevant page)

Thank you all. x

I have added the fab wording above and also explained to DH how much this means to me.

It's hard to explain how out of control it can make you feel. If I'd not have had the choice (i.e. she didn't have it with her) then it would be easier to deal with than knowing she had it but just decided not to give it to me. Like I was being punished for something?

It's too long ago to complain about her now anyway, (DC2 is 4) and tbh it's never really occured to me how it had affected me until the final approach of this pregnancy.

Thanks for listening xxx

one other thing if you're really worried - contact your midwifery practice/hospital (whoever manages the service) and find out if they have a duty midwifery supervisor and how they can be contacted. Then, if on the day/night DH or you find you're having problems, you'll know who to call who can override the attending mw. I doubt you'll have the same problem though. Good luck