More about HB - sorry! DH not keen, how do you get past the 'what if something goes wrong?' factor

[MassiveBumperlicious]

Just been to see the MW and hoped that would help me come to a decision. I'm feeling more and more like I would like a home birth, though I am not 100% decided. I don't know how to get past the 'what if something goes wrong?' fear factor. DH even less so. He thinks hospital is the best place to be. He is not vetoing, but obviously I want him to be on board if we are going to have a HB. DH isn't really the natural type and puts a lot of faith in doctors and nurses and less about instinct and gut feeling.

Not sure what to do. I really don't want to go into hospital, but am not 100% sold on HB, especially since we have recently moved house.

What I really want to do is not have to think about it and hope for the best . But that is not realistic. I hated giving birth last time, and had flash backs for an awfully long time, despite a pretty straightforward labour. It was very quick though, 5 hours, presumably this one is likely to be even quicker!

I don't know what to do, but I am in panic/stress mode, not just about labour, but all round really, am leaving work next week and it's a stressful process.

Homebirth is not just nicer, in my experience it is safer because you are in more control, have more dedicated medical assistance (2 midwives as previously discussed), and feel more relaxed. Being relaxed is the first necessary element in terms of pain relief of course, as well as potentially reducing need for certain interventions. My partner also felt more relaxed being at home which I'm sure had an impact on me.

On the other hand, I'm now contemplating a 2nd homebirth with my second child and am also worrying about the what ifs, particularly as my baby is oblique and therefore if it doesn't move and my waters break I cold get a prolapsed cord -not good at all of course. So now I'm worrying that it could be in the wrong position when I go into labour. It still has 3 weeks to move so the worrying is a bit premature but I think it's not helping the homebirth decision.

With my first child I was very glad I had a homebirth, things went (relatively) smoothly and going upstairs to bed afterwards was just wonderful. My reasoning last time was comfort, control, 2 midwives, and I live only 10 minutes from the maternity hospital anyway, closer than our local birthing centre which offers nothing significantly different from what you can get at home.

Oh and I meant to say that I had a long second stage which i think I may not have been "allowed" to in hospital, it was about 2 hours. I think in hospital I would have been cut or ventosed or something but in the end we were both fine and i didn't tear or anything, and my baby was 8 1/2 lb, so I was very lucky!

Just to re-iterate what someone said, further up, I have never had a homebirth but did need an EMCS on ds2 after a failed trial of labour in hospital and suspected opening of the would from my previous CS ( it was in fact opening up and meconium was leaking out.) It took them a full half hour to get the theatre set up and I remember being very upset as I was in horrendous pain. Had I actually been at home it would have taken that time for me to get in to hospital so I'm really not sure if it would have been any worse to have been at home.

I don't think you can or should get past the "what if something goes wrong?" question. It is a valid question. You have to accept the risk and be happy with it if you opt for a homebirth.

If you choose a homebirth you opt to take the risk of something going wrong and not being in hospital and the whatever-it-is that has gone wrong is something that could actually be helped in hospital (and that extra risk is very small, as others have pointed out), so you can mentally override the fear if you really want to.

The Father's Homebirth Handbook may help - but it might makes things worse.

I've been talking about it with family members recently and they haven't yet come up with a scenario of an problem where I would still be at home! Pre eclampsia, meconium in waters, retained placenta - they would all mean being in hospital anyway.

The studies do show that a properly supervised homebirth - ie. one with 1-2 professional midwives (so you have to discount the American studies as some of those births don't have a single accredited midwife present!) - in someone who is low risk going into labour is as safe at home as hospital, and may be safer for the mother, probably because the risk of interventions is definitely lower.

If you're high risk when you go into labour, e.g. if you've developed PE or another health problem, presumably you would have gone into hospital anyway.

And if something starts to not look great during labour, your midwife will probably recommend transfer anyway.

The NCT advice is that it typically takes 30 minutes to assemble a team and prep for a C-section even if you're already in the hospital. So if transfer time home-hospital would be under that, it wouldn't make a difference, as the team & operating room would be being prepped while you transfer. Accounts of quicker labour room to operating room transfers are almost always in the case of a Mum who was already high risk or showing possible issues, so a team was already on standby. And in that case, you would've already transferred to hospital from home.

With first babies, things are likely to go slower so there's more time. With subsequent babies, that's less so, but you may be more likely to have an idea about how it will go.

BigGLittleG - the NHS and Royal College of Midwives have responded to that study, and basically the answer was "not relevant to the UK" because of the variations in births studied. Yep, a homebirth without a single accredited midwife present and in circumstances where there may be pressure to not transfer (you have to be booked into American hospitals for birth and the costs are huge if you don't have great insurance) is more dangerous. But that's not really relevant to a home birth in the UK with 2 accredited midwives present and a connected healthcare system.

Everyone has to make their own decision at the end of the day. But you do have to weigh up the risks of being in hospital and of interventions (far more likely in hospital) as well as the risks of homebirth.

I would be very wary of people telling you to have a home birth because they have had a positive outcome having a home birth - just because they did doesn't mean you will too! I know lots of people who have had great experiences with home births too, but I also know a couple of who have had total disasters. You don't know which camp you will fall into - its up to you to decide whether you think its worth the risk for the sake of a more comfortable time at home. Personally, whilst I would also rather be at home, its not a risk I would be prepared to take.