HB, labour bag, what to do with DD and a whole bunch of labour related questions. I've gone from denial to panic!

[MassiveBumperlicious]

OK, so quick background: DD was born in hospital, 5 hour labour in which the midwives didn't realise how fast I was progressing, plus they were full, so gave birth in a private room on antenatal ward after MW finally checked me and said 'ok, the only thing stopping you having this baby is your waters, so we're just going to pop you in a room round the corner...'. I hated giving birth, felt traumatised for a quite a while, for no good reason really.

Anyway, now considering a home birth but a bit unsure. Have had to change MWs at 30 weeks due to house move, last MW recommended planning for a HB in case everything went quite quickly again. New MW a bit brusque, but seeing another MW (there are 2 at the surgery) next week to talk about labour).

I know all the positives for a HB, and can't bear the thought of having to go into hospital again, but a bit scared of what if something goes wrong? I asked a friend who'd planned a HB (didn't get it in the end as overdue) how she got past those feelings and she said she just never had them. Is that true of everyone who has a home birth? Just not quite sure what is going to make me not worry about that.

Am also starting to pack hospital bag. Instead of being sensible about the whole thing I've gone from denial into panic so just 'had to' go to Asda last night and was their till 10.30 trying to buy stuff. It's really annoying as I am having to buy things that I already have (brush, PJs etc) but need to have a spare set to have packed away, so spending money I can't afford (I barely have enough PJs that fit right now anyway, so need a spare set for labour bag - ditto actual clothes so not sure what I can pack for coming home in). To top it all off the PJs I bought in there had the wrong size trousers so am going to have to go back and return them . What are the real essentials I need?

Also, what do I need for a HB? I may be getting a birth pool from a friend. If you had a HB where did you give birth?

As you can see I am in full on panic mode. Am nearly 34 weeks. Also what the hell do we do with DD? Closest family are 45 mins away, have got a few friends who I'm sure will help, but they all have 2 kids now, feel bad imposing.

Arrghhhh! I don't want to do this, I hate giving birth, I don't want to read any books, I don't want to listen to hypnosis CDs, they don't relax me, they just make me stressed. Help me!!!!

I've had one hospital birth and two home births. I was worried about something going wrong but I knew and trusted my midwives. They told me exactly what equipment they have and what monitoring they do, and this helped put my mind at rest. I was still nervous though!

Everything went more or less to plan. Both times I had a birthing pool in my bedroom. The first time dd1 was with her grandmother; the second homebirth, both dd1 and dd2 slept through it in their own bedroom.

Can you borrow a friend's maternity pjs?

I'm having a home birth, but I have packed a "labour bag" which I can grab and take to hospital if I need to (remember about 1/3 home births do transfer, and you wouldn't want to be scrabbling around looking for a toothbrush). My labour bag has the same stuff as I would pack for hospital, toiletries, snacks, tens machine, knickers, pads, towel, dressing gown, nightwear, because I'm going to need them at home anyhow, so I might as well have them in one place ready.

I didn't get PJs, I can't imagine wearing the bottoms during labour, so I bought some button through nightdresses from Matalan for £6 each - they aren't my usual style, but I'm not all that bothered, it just means I won't be heartbroken if they get stained or anything.

As for other stuff you need for HB, the midwives bring a lot of stuff with them (well they leave a box with you at 37 weeks). All you need to worry about is making sure your furnishings are protected (my MW box does have some sheets in, but probably not enough) so you will need some old/cheap shower curtains, or polythene dust sheets, and some old sheets, blankets and/or towels, to put on top (stops them getting slippy/splashing and makes them comfy if you end up kneeling on the floor) - don't buy anything new, just look in the back of the airing cupboard for the stuff that looks a bit grubby/tired and give it a wash to freshen it up - if you don't have anything, friends/family will, ask them for the stuff that they wouldn't inflict on a charity shop, so you can bin it after if you want to. It's probably worth having a bucket or washing up bowl to hand too. Oh and bin liners for the aftermath. And tea and biscuits for the MW!

I'm not having a pool, I figure if I want to be in water I can run a bath. I am planning to give birth in my study/second bedroom, because it is on the same floor as the bathroom and bedroom (don't want to be running up and down stairs for the loo), and big enough for the midwife to move around in and stuff. Not using the bedroom means that after the birth I can pop into bed to rest and leave the mess in the next room rather than having clearing up going on around me.

As for hospital "coming home" clothes, how about hanging on a bit, then packing the maternity clothes you grow out of in the last couple of weeks. Then you won't be putting aside anything you actually need.

Have a look at www.homebirth.org.uk/ and go to the "but what if" page to see if that calms your fears about things going wrong, I was nearly completely put off HB by other people asking me about this sort of thing, but when I read it I realised that actually there is very little that could be done if I was in hospital any faster than it would take for an ambulance to get me there.

oh I bought a tankini for the water birth - for 2pounds from Asda.

Thanks for the replies. I'm just fretting rather than being logical. Unfortunately we got rid of most of our crap old towels and sheets when we moved house recently - d'oh! Good idea to ask friends though, I'll do that. I will try and get to Primark some time and get some cheapo PJs and a nightshirt, and maybe some extra joggers. Just pissed off that after traipsing round asda for 2 hours the PJs are the wrong size.

Tankini a good idea too, bet they will be in the sale in Primark.

Am speaking to the MW next week, so hopefully that will help.

I hate giving birth! I just want it to be better this time.

The other thing that worried me is that when I gave birth to DD they kept trying to force me to have whatever it is they give you to deliver the placenta quicker, I asked not to have it as I had had a completely natural labour, and they nearly forced it on me. When I explained this to the new MW she started saying it is given as a routine, especially during HB as it is considered safer. Is this true?

I would recommend having a managed third stage because I bled after the second and third births. In fact I ended up having an even stronger drug to stop the bleeding.

Bumperlicious i just want to add that people love to feel needed and will happily come out in the middle of the night to look after your DD. It is not a regular occurance and they will like to feel part of the excitement.

I am due on monday and i am starting to stress about who will look after DD, how will she cope etc, so thinking of starting a thread.

Also, i got a man's t-shirt in the sale in Primark for birth, navy blue think it was £1.50. Plus some stretchy yoga style pyjama bottoms which i am wearing as trousers atm for £4. Write a list of what you need and go in (not on a saturday!) and you will find everything you need. Good luck

they can not give you syntocinon or syntometrine(the drugs they give via injection to actively managed the 3rd stage) 'as rountine' they need your consent.

If you have a normal labour without intervention and do not have any contraindications to natural 3rd stage there is no reason not to have one. If you did start to bleed heavily then the injection can still be given.

I had a home birth with dc3 (age 5 weeks). i basically only bought a load of maternity pads, a piece of plastic sheeting and 2 packets of huggies bedmats. We had a lot of old towels but the mw used the bedmats mainly and we really didn't need 2 packs. I packed a carrier bag for me with nightdress, pants,pads, toothbrush soap and a towel, and one for the baby clothes and nappies. Then i chucked the whole lot in a cardboard box and left it in the hallway.if you get transferred into hosp then you can always put on a hospital gown and get your dp to get stuff from home later.I gave birth in the sundress I happened to be wearing that day, ruined it but it was nice to be wearing something nice.i had the full attention of 2 mws for the last hour and a half of labour, one of whom i had seen for all my antenatal appts. It really hurt but I felt very calm and safe. My 2 dc were upstairs asleep and woke up in the morning to see the new baby.

If you don't want the placenta jab, make sure it is on your birth plan, as most MW will assume you want it and may not tell you they are about to give it (!) One friend of mine had to shout at her MW to get away from her with it!

You can also ask for delayed cord clamping, where they will not cut the cord until it stops pulsing, and give the jab later to get the placenta out after the blood has all gone back to the baby (this also means a smaller placenta to deliver).

If you are bleeding afterwards, they might have to give it to you to stop it, but that can be a decision made at the time, you don't need to assume this will happen. It also seems to be the case that the jab makes you bleed longer afterwards. I've read this in a couple of places, and I was talking to a mum this week who bled for 6 weeks after her 2 managed 3rd stages, but just 5 days when she did it naturally.

I packed a labour bag and an afterwards bag (didn't double up on anything), used towels and a cheap shower curtain for the floor, sugary drinks and enerygy tablets for me and had biscuits and tea for the midwives at my homebirth. I think they were really the only things I couldn't have done without at my homebirth. Oh and biological washing powder to wash the towels in afterwards, and they have all come up pristine apart from the cream one.

I loved my homebirth, my son was born in the corner of my bedroom. I was dreading having to go in as I hate hospitals and had bad experiences with my first two births. But I was really determined to stay at home and it was marvellous.

I hired a doula who stayed downstairs with my dd's and did the school run when they woke up, but most of my labour was at night and they stayed asleep.

good luck

In your hospital bag, you need a clean nightie for yourself (or exercise gear), slippers or sandals, sanitary towels, and your toothbrush. You also need size O nappies and a couple of sleepsuits. Done.

For a homebirth, you need the midwife to bring you a homebirth kit at around 37 weeks. This is actually quite a lot of stuff. You need to plan somewhere to give birth (usually the bed), and have a plan for keeping it and the surrounding areas clean. Brown paper is great for carpets, and you can get plastic sheeting from the garden centre. YOu need clothes for the baby and somewhere safe to lie her. You need a clean bed to move into after you have had your shower.

'The other thing that worried me is that when I gave birth to DD they kept trying to force me to have whatever it is they give you to deliver the placenta quicker, I asked not to have it as I had had a completely natural labour, and they nearly forced it on me. When I explained this to the new MW she started saying it is given as a routine, especially during HB as it is considered safer. Is this true?'

I was adamant I wanted to try a natural third stage with dd2. The midwives were not keen but we compromised in that I said I would have the injection if the placenta hadn't delivered after half an hour or so (or maybe 45 mins, can't remember). In the end it took 20 minutes, dd2 latched on beautifully which helped, and it was all fine.

pound shop is good for cheapo shower curtains btw to protect furnishings/bed. We also had old towels, sheets, pillows and a duvet. I gave birth in the living room, dd1 went to a friend's house for the day (we are on standby for these friends now with their second dc due any day).

it was brilliant, actually! a great day.

bumbalicious

I hope you are feeling a little less worried, labour and birth is a scary prospect but remember you have done it once before so you can do it again!

I had a HB for my 1st LO, I think all the above posts have given you lots of good tips about what you need. I had my baby in my bedroom and got a really cheap mattress protector from 'the Range' (£3) that my DH put on when I went into labour with an old sheet on top.

With regards to your fears about needing to be transferred, have you thought about how long it will take in an ambulance with blue lights? I know this sounds dramatic but it is the worse case scenario. So a journey that may take you to drive 30 minutes is going to be a lot shorter in ambulance with blue lights. This thought helped me as I realised that I would be in hospital really quickly if needs be and also my MW told me that if this happened they would call the hospital in advance so the Dr's would be expecting us.

I am surprised to read about MW's attitudes to not having the injection for the placenta as my MWs were really supportive and in fact after 45 mins of it not budging I asked for the injection and the MW tried to encourage me to carry on! So put it in your birth plan and talk to the MWs about your wish, making it clear that there is no discussion.

Good luck, I have to say that my HB was really special (I wont lie - it was not pain free!) and I would recommend it to anyone, but there again I don't have anything to compare it to!

You have my sympathy about buying stuff you dont truly need or want just so you can have a spare in the labour bag. Im wearing an old tshirt to labour in, a low cut huge tshirt top I bought by mistake as a bf nightie and a pair of lounge pants from M&S that I had to buy specially to go home in. Hoping the lounge pants will double up for post pg sitting round the house.

When it comes to what to do with your DD - how old is she? I was 16m when my sister was born and my gran came round to look after me I think. Also I was 7 when my brother was born and me and my sis still have memories of that day. We stayed home from school but obv. we werent allowed in our mums room whilst she gave birth but I remember seeing my dad look really happy after my bro was born and he came to tell us straight away. Cant DD stay home with you and play in her room? Or have things changed massively since the 80s? Sorry if being totally naive here, I suppose it depends on how long you are in labour for?

Hi!

Have you looked in charity shops for towels and also freecycle?
I got a load from freecycle and got a dozen from a charity shop, I just boiled washed them ready. So I should have enough and not have to worry about using the few I have and not having enough or not having a clean one for post birth bath / shower. (Water home birth so you may not need any or many)

In regard to the third stage it my be worth looking at the various World Health Organisation website and google natural third stage as some studies actually suggest its better not to have it as it helps prevent bleeding in some cases as the body naturally produces the correct amount of hormones to expeal the placenta and is esp good at doing that if you breast feed straight away as the hormones are released quickly.
Although some women find they can take quite a while to deliever the placenta varing from minutes to over an hour.
:)

Hi just to reassure you I have had one hossy water birth, two home water births and a planned section.

The only mess at home was in the pool. we brought shower curtains from the pound shop to put down but they were not marked at all. We used our normal towels and they were still clean and just got washed.

I didnt pack a hospital bag, as it wouldnt take 5 mins to put what was in our labour room at home into a bag if needed.

My mum was on standby to have my children, but was out for dinner when the time came. I labour quickly so called my best friend out of the blue and she was here in 5 mins to pick them up. She brought them back an hour later so they could be here for the actual birth - they loved it.

RE the 3rd stage, my mws have assumed that I will choose a natural 3rd stage as my births have been natural (excpet the section) and have taken this copletely within their stride. Plcaentas were all here within minutes of the cord being clamped after it stoped pulsating. We cuddled in the pool until that point.

Good luck.