Loss of libido after pregnancy and childbirth - how long did it take to resume your sexual relationship post-baby?

[arabellaandbaby]

Hi all

Not sure whether this is the correct place to post this thread. Thought I'd give it a go anyway, and I've posted it under the relationship thread too.

I used to have quite a good sex drive, one that equally matched DH's, perhaps slightly lower, but we were more or less on a par sex-drive wise.

However, I had my DD 5 months ago after a straightforward pregnancy and labour and am concerned that, since giving birth, I have had absolutely no desire for sex at all even though it's been 5 months. I have no fears of resuming a physical relationship with DH who I love dearly and who also loves me, but I just feel no need to have sex at all so I just turn down his advances all the time. I don't even want him to touch my breasts or anywhere else really. We haven't had sex since I was in the second trimester of pregnancy (although at that time, it was due to feeling uncomfortable).

Could the fact I am almost exclusively breastfeeding have anything to do with my non-existent sex drive? Has anyone else gone/is going through the same? How long did it take MNers to get back into sex after having a baby? Should I seek medical advice?

Thanks

Breastfeeding, can/does lower your sex drive-
More info here-
www.associatedcontent.com/article/68718/breastfeeding_and_low_sex_drive.html?cat=5
The hormones that produce milk, also inhibit ovulation and fertility and this lowers sex drive (and reduces lubrication)
When your baby is weaned, your sex drive is very likely to return.
Sometimes having more regular sex can kick start your drive again (making sure to have some time away from your baby if possible for yourself, a romantic dinner maybe, lots of foreplay and lubrication helps).
Personally I had problems for quite a long time (a couple of years) but this was mainly due to a sore episiotomy scar too.
Its not just you, so don't feel bad!
Selina x

I had a very high sex drive in my last pregnancy and it continued after DS was born and I was breast feeding. We waited less than 4 weeks but I know that is quite unusual amoung friends though.

This pregnancy I have not been very interested and most of the time have only had sex because DH wants to BUT once we start I enjoy it so perhaps it's worth giving it a go. It's true that often once you start having regular sex you get in the mood more regularly but don't put pressure on yourself that won't help either. Perhaps find a time when you feel relaxed even if you don't feel in the mood and intiate something, having always had a higher sex drive than DH I know it can be hurtful to be turned down regularly, and I'm sure your DH will respond kindly and carefully as he sounds very understanding.

It's not just the breastfeeding that can reduce your sex drive - it's all the cuddling you get from your lovely new dc - it satisfies all your oxytocin needs. Plus when you're bf-ing you can be quite dry, so it can be uncomfortable or you feel like something's 'different' inside, which can be worrying.

I must admit, I rarely felt like it while I was bf-ing dd, but we started having 'encounters' from when she was about one or two weeks old, because I thought I ought to be paying him some physical attention. It wasn't necessarily full sex, but we made sure we did something at least once a week, then we went back to sex at about 5 weeks (though it did take some easing into). There wasn't an iota of pressure from dh about it, but I felt strongly that it was an important part of maintaining our relationship.

Arabella are you on the pill? I had no sex drive at all when I was taking cerazette, at the time I thought it was due to breastfeeding but within about 2 weeks of coming off the pill I was back to normal.

I'm not on the pill. Just plain BF. Sounds like I'm not the only one suffering a loss of libido. Thanks for all your comments as well as the associated content web link (selina).

It's great to know that this loss of libido business is normal from what you have all said, but I can't help but think that I'm leaving DH out of the picture. He hasn't been pushing me for sex as he understands that I'm not in the mood, but surely DH needs it? Should I try to initiate something although I'm not up for it, just to show DH that I do love him just as much as before baby made three? Problem is I just feel a slight, dare I say, aversion to intercourse right now.

5 months is really not that long when you consider the huge physical and emotional changes that have occurred. Its great that your dh is not putting any pressure on you, if you are really not in the mood just have a nice cuddle or maybe a massage, you can still be intimate without having sex. My ds was 7 months before I really felt like I wanted sex, we did it a few times before that but it wasn't really enjoyable because I just wasn't really in the mood.

so far about five and half years,but I'm happy to post again when my youngest child is a teenager/sleeping through the night,whichever comes first.

My sex drive is lower than normal (I am also EBF) but we manage around once a week, since the baby was around a month old (easy delivery though with no stitches or bruising/damage). Although I don't generally feel particularly in the mood I do enjoy it once it gets started.

I think my DH would prefer more often but this is a balance that works for us just now.

I think you need to discuss with your DH and come to some sort of compromise because not having sex at all for around 8 months is going to be hard on your DH and your relationship.