Doula, hypno birthing, active birthing etc - which do I choose?

[Mireowl]

Hi

I'm 18 weeks pregnant with my first baby and have to say I'm quite fearful about the birth, I think from a combination of NHS horror stories and having been at my sister's birth when I was 8 and having some pretty awful memories of it - even though my mother assures me it was very quick and very easy!

I really want to feel calm and in control in the next few months and when I give birth.

I've met a few doulas who are all lovely but I'm not yet sold on the idea, or maybe I haven't met the right one? I've been looking into hypnobirthing and active birthing classes but the finances will only stretch so far so need to narrow it down.

Any recommendations for me?

Hi!

Why not do a combination of them all?

I am planning to. I have brought the Hypnobirthing cds (Homebirth one as thats my plan though they have ones for cseactions, hospitals and birth centres)

I found a fab pregnancy massage therapist who was looking for a case study and she's been great at showing me good exercises for keeping mobile and helping baby get into the right place.

I meet and fell in love with my doula I completely trust her even though I have only known her a short time (after meeting and reporting a really bad nhs midwife - wouldn't be surprised if some women would've prefered to risk freebirthing without antenatel care after my experience with that one!)
My doula shows me active birthing techniques and will help me in labour to do them (if I still want to!) She also does shiatsu, can help my birth partner massage me and use my aromatherapy blends and use homeopathic remendies. (again if I may want none or all, but I want to have the choices)
My doula says that as I am interested in different things its worth learning them but as its my first it hard to know what I will find useful or want to happen on the day. She has said its better to have an arsenal of techniques ready to use and to go with the flow (as in do as my body wants /needs to, to birth my baby).

I hope some of my plans help you

Same here, I am having a go at all of them.

I found a trainee doula who is charging us £200 as our finances wouldn't stretch to the going rate for an experienced doula in London.

I am listening to various hypnobirthing/natal hypnotherapy CDs and have read several of the books incl. Marie Mongan. I wasn't willing to sign up to a class since we are doing NCT classes (and they're expensive too!).

And I have read (amongst many others) the Active birth book and it all resonated with me.

I am hoping the combination of all of the above plus staying fit and doing antenatal yoga and keeping and open mind will serve me well...

Best of luck to you!

bump!

Just been wondering exactly the same thing so would be interested to see what others think

I had a doula and did natal hypnotherapy during my labour and I would strongly recommend both. I had a problematic 2nd stage but the 13 hrs of first stage was ultra-manageable with self-hypnosis - I completely zoned out/in and the pain hardly registered at all. No G&A no nothing (was in water). Get the CDs off ebay and go for it. It really worked for me.

Good luck

I did hypnobirthing (I took the classes) and found labour quite manageable. I was 9cm dilated on admission to hospital and went from no contractions to fully dilated in a total of 4.5 hours.

Unfortunately due to DD's severe distress, I couldn't have a natural delivery and ended up with a crash c-section, but I felt totally calm and in control and honestly didn't think it was horribly painful or anything. I would do it again no problem. I've been in worse pain with toothache than contractions.

Tricky one! I remember making the same decisions due to budget. In the end Idid natal hypnotherapy CDs (just the preg relaxation and birth prep ones are enough IMO) instead of the classes and then hired a Doula. I did active birth antenatal classes instead of NCT classes - but these aren't available in many areas. If you happen to live in north/east London look at www.jessicajames.co.uk.

I would 100% do the ante-natal classes again - but not really because of the active birth element. I think reading Janet Balaskas' active birth book would have been enough for me as I found that as soon as I knew that I could move about in labour I did what came naturally.

I was pleased with the hypnotherapy CDs and glad I didn't do a course - it was enough for me.

I wouldn't have been without our Doula though (even though I went in to labour on the one day she was away - a few days before she was on call and she missed the birth) - her support before and afterwards was incredible and I'm so convinced by it I've actually now trained as a Doula.

I'd say though to be led by your instincts - they are pretty good. Try and have tools up your sleeve you can use if you need them, but don't panic about feeling you have to prepare and prepare. If you can find a Doula who you click with it is definitely worth it - there are trainees like me as RunningGerita said who will charge less.

You'll be brilliant!

p.s. have you sat down with your mum and had an in-depth conversation about your sister's birth? Maybe you could tell her your experience of it and she could chip in with her experience.

E.g. you might remember there being lots of screaming and she might say that actually she was just making noises that helped her concentrate on pushing - it wasn't screaming in pain.

Finding out what exactly about that birth frightened you and having your mum explain her perspective may just reassure you.

Also, if anyone starts with a horror story, just say "I'd rather not hear that at the mo - I'm sorry you didn't have a great experience but I'm being positive about my birth and don't want to feel frightened in advance, I hope you understand'. Have a read of Ina May Gaskin's Guide to childbirth for lots of positive stories.

I had a hypnobirthing cd, a really supportive husband who knew my birth plan backwards and I did an active birth workshop. The workshop was brilliant, it was only 6 hours long, but really helped both me and my DH. The CD was good and i played it during labour too.

I would read lots of active birth books if I were you. Have you considered a home birth? They are great for feeling in control, my midwife even asked if she could use the loo and was not invasive at all.

I had a hypnobirthing CD, kindly donated from another MNer. It was great, and really kept me focussed when we were waiting for the midwife to arrive and things were happening very, very quickly.

Why don't you ask on here if anyone has one they can send you? It'll be a start and you can get a feel for it. I passed mine on to another MNer.

thanks everybody for your replies!

I tried to find a trainee doula in London but none were available for my dates so we're looking at £450 - £800 for fully trained, which is part of the reason I really want to be sure they're the right person! With that and NCT, which I wanted to do to meet people nearby with babies, we've already spent a grand give or take! Ouch.

rebeccad - I live in NW1 so will check out jessicajames. I have spoken to my mum and she let me know that for her it was a very quick, easy and stress free birth which as an adult I can absolutely see, it's just that irrational hangover from childhood I have to deal with. Actually even since posting this question last week I've started to feel better/calmer about things. You're not free over the xmas / new year period for doulaing are you?

RunningGuerita, I'm liking your plan and think I may be copying you.

Hi Mireowl

why don't you drop me an email and we can talk more? I don't like to post my email on here, but all my contact details are on www.hackneydoula.co.uk.

Running Guerita's plan sounds good to me too!

It's amazing how just talking (or internet talking anyway!) can help you feel calmer isn't it.

I would suggest that hypnobirthing classes would be the best option to help you get over any fear or anxiety you have about labour.

Although a doula would be great, they can be expensive and you might get just as much support from a good midwife and your mum or partner.

I forked out the money for the hypnobirthing classes and it was the best investment I've ever made! I was positively looking forward to going into labour and didn't feel at all scared or worried.

DS was born at home in the pool and I stayed calm and relaxed throughout. In fact, it was such a positive experience that I'm a bit dissapointed that we're not having any more children as I'd quite like to do it again!

I met up with 4 doulas before choosing the one we had at dd's birth, it definitely is important to find someone you feel very comfortable with. In the end we didn't do hypnobirthing or active birth classes, I just read Ina May like a mad thing from about 6 months! The doula got to our house while DH was on his way home from work so that while I was in the early stages she was able to help suggest ways to keep active, and kept giving me little drinks and things to eat while DH was busy filling up the pool... A doula can't give you the same degree of 'separateness' that hypnobirthing apparently does, but mine was very calming and kept saying all the things I needed to hear. We met up with her 5 times before the birth to discuss all the possible ways things might go, and that also really helped me feel in control no matter what happened.

NB I don't have a mum or sister so that wasn't an option, and that's why I found a female support so important. rebeccacad's idea of talking to your mum about your sister's birth is a really good one and may help put your mind at rest. Looking for positive birth stories on here is great as well - every now and then someone will do a thread about them

HYPNOBIRTHING!! I did a hypnobirthing course with a practitioner and I would thoroughly recommend doing it. It's the whole package, as it not only teaches you (and your partner) self relaxation techniques, but it also educates you in the whole process, removing any fears or anxieties you may have. I loved doing the course and felt that I was in a brilliant place mentally when I had my DD. I also liked the fact that my partner had an active role in the labour and so it felt like we were all working together. I guess you could say that in hypnobirthing, your partner is your Doula as they become such a supportive figure throughout the whole process. My labour was fantastic, I was 9cm when I arrived at the hospital and hadn't a clue how far gone I actually was (my waters broke when I went to the toilet in triage)! Although my labour lasted about 30 hours, I never felt anything more than mild discomfort and felt completely in control of the whole thing. When DD was born, she was the most relaxed little thing ever and didn't cry once, not even when she was getting weighed.

I'm a trainee doula & also had a doula myself when I had my boy. I too went for a trainee doula for money reasons. It was absolutely fantastic having her there: it made all the difference in an otherwise very hard experience (not saying it'll be hard for you, as all births are so different). Having our doula there also meant that my DP felt much more confident, supported & calm, and able to take a break when he needed a breath of fresh air. It was such a good experience having our doula at the birth that a few years down the line I went on to do the training myself & here I am!

So I'd highly recommend having a doula... I'm sure there must be trainees available in your area, have a look around not only on Doula UK but also perhaps on the Nurturing Birth website?