ok its late, but this is the crap husband thread

[10poundstogo]

With DD he fainted right out, flat on the floor.

With DS I was having huge contractions (as 9 lb 4 baby out in around about an hour). I staggered naked out of the bathroom and fell to my knees making my way the bed screaming and yelling "oh my god, ahhhh, owww, help" etc etc and he shrugged his shoulders and said "what do want ME to do about it?".

I told him to "get a f-ing midwife", and shortly thereafter the endorphines kicked in and all subsequent memories are inside my own head (I hope someone knows what I mean by that - I can remember what i was thinking but that's about it).

He swears blind that this was a moment of crapness and thereafter he was amazing. Though how he was amazing from the businees end of the bed I dont know.

Has anyone else's husband been this shit at childbirth? He avoided all manuals like the plague beforehand (just reading the page on shagging). I should add that apart from that he's a great husband and a lovely bloke.

pmsl
you win. But I hear what you say (and you put it SO beautifully!!)

My DH (and he truly is normally a DH), just sat in the corner and honestly didn't utter a word. This time he truly does want to help but he doesn't know what to do and so I am writing him a list of do's and don'ts. Last time the midwives took over.

Obviously I was the one who had to read all the books, but a good study sheet is what I am hoping will help. Initially he was talking about telling me to just pull myself together - and then I thought I had better start writing this stuff down as that is exactly what I do not want to hear when I am writhing and screaming in pain. It also made me realise that he has no idea.

A good book is Birth Skills by Juju Sundin. She makes lists and suggestions on how you can BOTH get through labour and in particular how the birth partner can help you keep on track and feel supported throughout. It's about you both getting through it, and the partner helping you, whether it's with visualisation, movement, counting, distraction, breathing, remaining positive or key words. It's not easy for anyone. (Obviously slightly harder for the person giving birth !)

My friend's DH sat through the entire labour for 8 hours and didn't even take off his coat. She said he was petrified ! I think they just feel helpless and don't know what to do.

Good Luck !

with ds, ex-p was drunk and refused to get out of bed. he told me to have a bath and to wake him up in an hour. had to get my mum to drive us to the hospital.

with dd, he was in the pub when my waters went (notice the theme here??) when i called him to tell him my waters were brown and i was scared, his exact words were ''i knew you were going to do something like this''. when i got to 7cm about an hour later, he decided he needed to go home and change his shoes...i kid you not.

do i win?

At 6 am, 8 hours into labour, ex-P thought it would be the best time to go and get McDonalds breakfast.

This was the best time despite that fact that Ds was stuck in the canal, cord around his neck and everyone was debating about EMCS.

Thank god I got rid 6 months later.

Me (pushing out DD, 9lb 12): "I can't do it!"

Midwife: "yes, you can, you are, you're doing brilliantly"

DH: " 'I can't, I can't' - you're always so negative".

my dh has not been great with any of my kids, but with my 3rd baby...a lovely home birth at 5am (after being in hard labour all night) my other kids got up at 7am and wanted food, he said he was too tired and needed a sleep...so i got up to make them breakfast.[stupid]

its actually caused a huge amount of bad feeling on my part.....but i'm guessing this is a lighthearted thread??

i should actually say OUR kids, not just mine!!

chimchar I think you're perfectly entitled to say your dh's behaviour has caused bad feeling! Same here. Mine was just totally petrified during labour, he went mute. Didn't say anything for 22 hours. I was desperate for someone to talk to me - midwife was a silent cow as well, not one encouraging word! This has caused a great amount of bitterness between us, and like others have said, the rest of the time he's fab and a lovely bloke. He said he was convinced we were both (me and baby) going to die. No wonder he didn't talk! Still pisses me off though. Not sure I even want him there next time. I think I'd prefer the company of women. He likes that idea too.

mumatron your ex sounds truly, truly awful. Poor you! Well done for dumping him.

Dp Rather than DH, nearing the end of a long induction with DD1 (3 days), I could not get comfortable anywhere. The midwifes were monitoring me constantly because of a drip.

Finally found that perching on the edge of the rocking chair was the most comfortable postition to be in, but didn't actually want it to rock, just perch on the edge.

DP wedged his foot behind the rocking chair to stop it tilting backwards during a contraction. But he told EVERYONE who came to visit post birth, how much his foot was hurting .

ExH made me sit on a bin liner in the car when my waters had gone,worried about the car seat !Dont know why cos it was a crappy old citroen.

He then said he couldnt cope at 6wks post natal and went mountain climbing for a week !

beachtent yeah, we is a real charmer!

i forgot to add that after dd was born i stayed in for 48hrs for monitoring, he was left to look after ds alone for the first time. i came home to find every single dish in the house dirty and mountains of washing. he hadn't even opened a window. it was minging there. i refused to do any housework, so we ended up taking new baby to the pub just so we could eat. and yes i did end up doing the cleaning [anger]

he is a real charmer.

Mine spent my entire labour complaining of bad indigestion....

DH in theory was great.
In practise however....

I had to have a CS with DD1 as she was footling breech and the ECV didn't work. He was trying to keep me calm whiel they were doing the CS as the position DD1 was in meant they couldn't get her out. I had 1 MW leaning on my ribs to make DD1 move her head out form under them, another holding my stomach open while the surgeon had both hands in to manipulate DD.
Comments included
'Oh my god - look how much your stomach is stretching'
'Woah, was that your waters? they went everywhere'
'I didn;t realise human fat was bright yellow, that is so cool!'
I had told him to not let DD1 out of his sight so when they lifted ehr out and walked off to check her over he got up and walked off, without telling me what was happening. I ended up crying at the anaesthatist until he confirmed that I had had a girl and she was fine.

DD2 my labour was quick and he was great, until he tried teh gas and air and pronounced it 'shit' and forgot to hand it back to me, and then when she was crowning he went to look and said
'Oh my god! This is so cool, I wish you could see it!'

So yes, veyr supportive, but still, not brilliant

I actually felt sorry for my DH during my labour - the gas and air made me so out of it that I was completely none responsive - he had to sit there all night, not being able to help me, because I didn't need anything, but not being able to go to sleep, just in case I did.

Well i feel a little more forgiving to DP now, but only slightly. What i didn't mention was that owing to his avoidance of reading ANYTHING about the birth before DD1 he was unable to tell midwife who was insisting on breaking my waters to bugger off as oper my wishes, she did (I was not aguing the case against that well and no one was agreeing with me) and all hell broke loose with all sorts of consequences.

There I've said it all. Vented. Now its time for me to let go. I do have two healthy children and only a slightly knackered fanjo to show for it, so things could be a lot worse.

when my labour with DS started I phoned ex-p but he said he was too busy to come to the hospital, as arranged. He said to call him when it was all over. I called him the next day from my hospital bed when he said yet again he was too busy to come and visit (he lived a 10min walk from the hospital. He said he'd phone on Sunday to arrange to come and see us. 8 years on I'm still waiting for the call...

foreverastudent - unbelivable - i think you win hands down with that.

Me - sat on the loo slightly panicking as my waters have broken

DH - "are you going to be long in there? I need a shit"

me - 'moooooooooo!!' (just started feeling urge to push...)

midwife - 'i think you are ready to start pushing from the sounds of it, let's get going getting this baby out!'

dp (rummaging in my hospital bag) - 'oh i didn't know you had packed chocolate digestives, do you mind if i have some?'

bless him he was brilliant through the rest of it, although he did eat all of my toast because my mouth was too dry from g&a!

I was 35 weeks with DD2 when labour started unexpectedly. I planned to drive myself to the hospital (DH doesn't drive) but things got too intense too quickly and I was stranded upstairs, able only to inch slowly little by little to the bedroom door in between waves of excruciating pain.

DH, meanwhile, had headed downstairs to feed DD1 breakfast, oblivious to my yells for help. After a particularly large gush of blood I absolutely bellowed "I'm bleeding!" whereupon he popped his head around the bottom of the staircase and said "oh, I'll call an ambulance". Then he disappeared once more. His justification for this disappearance after the fact? He "didn't want to disrupt DD1's breakfast routine" . I remained upstairs, on own, pretty bloody terrified.

Ambulance arrived minutes later. DD2 born eight minutes after arriving - alone - in hospital. DH somewhat surprised when telephoned to hear he had a new daughter since he "assumed I had a UTI" or similar.

He is a doctor FGS. We've discussed this ad infinitum and he keeps stating that he had no idea I was in such a bad way and I keep stating that if he'd bothered to come and see me - as he undoubtedly would for any of his patients - then he would have been aware of exactly what was happening. Thus, you see, we have a stalemate. He HAS apologised but still maintains that he would do the same thing again. Gah.