Childbirth fears - help me get over my anxieties!

[BettyButterknife]

I'm 40+6 today with DS2 and worried that my anxieties over this birth are preventing my body from doing what it's supposed to do (have I read too much Ina May??).

Perhaps someone out there can help me to rationalise my fears and help me realise I'm being silly .

My fears are as follows:
DS1 was born after a fairly ok labour, 8lb 8oz, 2nd degree tear. We were in overnight, and when the paediatrician came to check him before discharging us they discovered (after lots of horrible invasive tests) that he had pneumonia. We then had to stay in hospital for a week while he was treated - this involved 12-hourly antibiotics at 2pm and 2am. I had to wheel his cot down the deserted and dark hospital corridors in the middle of the night, sleep deprived and scared, and I would say that week is probably the worst of my life. When we finally got home, I totally freaked out - feeding was going badly, I had huge amounts of anxiety (couldn't sleep, couldn't eat - just felt it was all a terrible mistake). This took maybe a month to go, before I felt like I was 'me' again.

I'm booked in to have this baby at the same hospital (I am under consultant care so cannot deliver at home), and can't help but fear the worst - that I will give birth to another poorly child and have to stay in hospital when all I want to do is to come home as soon as possible. So that's one fear.

Another is thanks to my midwife, who yesterday told me I was probably carrying another big baby which might be why the head hasn't yet engaged (although I am 2cm dilated). DS1's head was 36cm, so I'm a bit scared this one might be even bigger - my SIL's womb prolapsed after she gave birth to a whopping baby with a giant head (why did I marry into such a big-headed family??). Could my fear there actually be preventing this baby's head from engaging?

And my third fear is the state the terrible piles I've got at the moment (prolapsed and bleeding already!) will be in post-delivery. How will I be able to push with this on my mind?

Please feel free to tell me to pull myself together - I'm aware this is all a bit over-thought and angsty - I just really need a bit of perspective and to work through some of these issues. Thanks.

Firstly congratulations on you pregnancy. How has it been so far?

From what you have said it doesn't sound like you have any reason to think you might have a poorly baby.

Being in busy hospital is hard work as I know it is very difficult to sleep, could you ask about having a private room should you need to stay in after the birth?

If you babies head is big I don't know that you can do much about that, but, you have done it before, so you can do it again.

I had terrible piles, they completely disappeared (almost) straight after the birth.

I hope it all goes well for you, I don't think there's any reason why it shouldn't, good luck.

Second that - you did it before, you can do it again, and probably easier even with a bigger baby. If you've been reading Ina May - remember that story where the mother used the mantra "I'm going to get huge!". It's in the Forgotten Vaginal Powers and Episiotomy chapter. And the German woman who laughed a 36" head out without a scratch (hmph, jealous).

I bet your piles are the last thing on your mind when you are in labour. Hope so anyway!

Sorry to hear about Ds1's pneumonia, that sounded really horrible, but there is absolutely no reason why that should happen again is there?

Thank you both, I appreciate you taking the time to answer.

No, there isn't any reason why this baby would be another poorly one. I suppose even just going to the hospital for scans during this pregnancy brought it all back, and it gives me the creeps a bit. Perhaps giving birth there again without those complications will exorcise that demon.

Pregnancy has been ok - my bump is enormous as I have a big old fibroid in there too, and I've had lots of 'expecting twins?' type comments, which doesn't help with the worry it'll be a big baby. As you say, nothing much I can do about it now.

I'll have another read of Ina May and try to turn my negative feelings around. I'm now 40+7 so definitely ready to meet my baby!

Thanks again

Do let us know how it goes won't you.

Thanks, I will. Meant to say, it was reassuring to hear your piles didn't worsen - or improved rapidly - after labour. I had to do some deep breathing this morning, they were so painful!

All good practice for the labour Let's hope it's not too much longer now...