How to support autistic daughter struggling with a rude manager

[ThisLimeCrow]

Unsure where to post this but here we go..
Dd struggling at a temporary summer job off from uni & cries before and after every shift due to the manager being rude. Was hardly trained at the start but constantly nitpicking every move & tells her that 'he knows' that she is rude/nervous/overwhelmed etc when she never said she was.. raised his voice at her infront of colleagues & accused her of being rude for a misjudgement & she felt mortified (she was ending her shift & said to me afterwards that she felt disoriented after being on tills non-stop) Dd is autistic & she is fully capable of the job, it's great for her confidence skills, but I can see this is making her upset. She enjoys the job for what it is apart from that & I feel conflicted as to how to guide her through it, we've all had our fair pick of bad workplaces but she's very conscientious which makes her more sensitive to these sorts of things.

If shes crying before and after every shift, shes not enjoying the job. Either help her change shifts to one with a different manager, or help her to apply elsewhere.

Well, she doesn’t have to say she’s ‘rude, nervous or I wrshdlmed’ if he’s seeing her be all these things, surely? I mean, if she’s ‘disoriented ’ after being on tills, what does that mean? Is she making errors? If she’s crying before and after every shift, she does sound overwhelmed. Perhaps it’s just a poor fit of person and job. I don’t see how it can be great for her confidence if it’s making her this miserable.

She needs to either address his concerns or find a new job.

Some people are bullies / narcs / whatever. He clearly is one. I would teach her coping strategies - in particular to not take things to heart and to realise that when he standing shouting at her, it’s because of his issues, not hers.

Oh I meant to add, there is no fixing a bully / narc.

I would encourage her to listen to his feedback and adjust where she can. If she can’t and the job is still making her upset she can decide whether his behaviour is rude enough to warrant a conversation with HR (she will need specific examples of unreasonable behaviour - does he shout, swear or call her names?) or whether this is not the job for her.

He sounds like a shit manager but it also sounds like maybe your dd just isn't suited to this job. Can she not find something else that is better suited to her skills and temperament?

I’d contact this so called manager myself!

My dd had a workplace that didn’t work for her - I kept encouraging her to go, as I knew she liked the money and jobs are not easy to come by -
eventually the pressure was too much and she ended up shouting at the manager / Chef that she hated it there in front of customers and she quit before she was sacked ! She
walked into a new job couple of months later and was completely different / positive experience -
your DD is not enjoying this job clearly - support her to quit with dignity !

She says she's disoriented after the shift as she's on tills for 5-6 hours straight with no break & lack of training. I don't think she means to come across as those things, she is quite nervous & quiet naturally but she gets on with the work. When she makes a mistake he suggests she's doing it from a bad place, but she said that was never her intention & she's courteous towards customers regardless.

How long has she been in the job? Is she getting less disoriented? Is she taking on board any of the feedback she’s getting? Because if she’s only done a few shifts, that’s one thing — she’s just getting used to it. But if she’s been doing it for some time and is still crying before and after every shift, then I think she may need to think about whether she’s just a poor fit for this job. Would shelf stacking or a non-till job in the same store be possible?

Dd been there for 2 weeks. She was like it with her driving lessons & starting university etc...she would get overwhelmed & cry afterwards in her first few weeks but now she likes it & is fine. Which is why I want her to see if she can stick it out more, but she does seem more upset compared to the other instances before. She has been taking his feedback on board as she does want to do well, she doesn't like it when he makes comments & assumptions about her personality. Also they put her on till on her own & the rest do stacking or coffee.