A quick briefing.. we split 9 years ago. He was abusive, the police had to be called. Our parenting relationship has been rocky since but I've never stopped him seeing the kids. He's been known to speak badly of me to them. Atm he is living in a caravan (past 3 years, after being kicked out of his dad's house for poor behaviour) so he can't have them over night. I let him stay at my home 2 nights every two weeks to see them while I went away but he was leaving my place in a mess, letting them stay up until the early hours on screens and feeding them rubbish. So it stopped. He's been seeing them for 5 hours every two weeks for a year. A month ago I asked if he wanted to try again for one night. Conditions were that phones were taken away at 8pm and he kept the place clean. First night was okay. Fast forward to the next time..two weeks later and I get home, the place is filth, the kids are tired dirty, my 14 year old had his phone in his room and didn't go to Sleep until 4am. They've been eating rubbish and my 12 year old feels sick with a stomach ache through the night, i can only assume because of all the crap they ate. He only had them for 24 hours!
I message him to say all this and that I can't have him here overnight again. He says I'm attacking him that my "actions affect the kids in the most hideous way" I apparently have an accountability complex. I'm disgusting.
My Son is tired at bedtime, he ends up going to sleep 2 hours before he would normally but not before shouting at me a lot, refusing to brush his teeth. Then this morning spends the whole morning shouting again, telling me to shut up, slamming doors. This isnt like him at all. He has the odd teenage blow out but this isn't normal for him. I've taken his phone away this morning.
What do I do? His Dad I'm sure is absolute poison. Is it best to keep it at 5 hours every two weeks? The kids love their Dad, They have fun with him. I feel like I'm coming out of this the bad guy constantly even though I'm not?! How do I handle this with my eldest? I didn't have a great childhood myself at his age i was in and out of foster eventually going to live with my Gran so I'm really triggered by these extreme outbursts and high emotions.
Thanks for reading 😞