5 year old reactions (and eating)

[tvpodcastsmovies]

My 5 year old is quite typical in most ways, I think. She can be reasonable, and can have outbursts which I thought would have passed by now, but tonight’s was extreme, and I’m worried by what she said.

She takes ages to eat, and it’s annoying me a lot. Sometimes she will refuse for ages to try something new, or eat something a bit different, and then when she tried it, she likes it. Are dinners are mainly:

pasta with pesto (pistachio or basil)
quinoa with roast veg and tofu
curry with rice. Not at all spicy
orzo pasta bakes with cherry tomatoes and tofu
udon or soba noodles with veg
pasta with roast veg and seitan sauce.

we do these dinners on rotation so once or twice a week, when it’s curry or quinoa, it’s just painful. “X please can you eat “ etc etc. takes ages and just delays everything. Eventually someone spoon feed her usually and I just hate it. I decided tonight there’s no more dessert if there is a battle at dinner. I’m too tired of it. She was so angry at the thought of no dessert, which is usually yogurt and fruit, that she started hitting her head, crying, and saying she wanted to die. I stopped her, calmed her down quickly, and she ate. No dessert tonight but this reaction was shocking.

i just don’t know what to think or do! I’m not changing what we cook, and we’re not giving her pasta every night as she would ideally like. She loves tofu and most vegetables, but not so much in a curry. She will however eat it if push comes to shove and a good puddingpudding is up for grabs. We have bribed her before with chocolate or mango yoghurts. But I don’t want to do this anymore. I just want a normal dinner time. Also worried that the one year old will start to copy either the extreme reactions or the reluctant eating.

If she is healthy weight and height just try to relax. It sounds as though she eats a wide range. My DD is now 22 and went through phases of only wanting a few certain things at tha age. She now eats everything!! Try not to worry. Add a few more pasta dishes in .Its hardly an unhealthy food for a 5 year old

I’m vegetarian and brought my kids up veggie.

there really is a lot of repetition there. Many adults would struggle with having basically the same few meals on repeat and kids especially are notorious for liking novelty.

if it helps then what I did to try to keep it quick cook but mix it up a bit was do a half termly planning sheet - so Monday was always pasta, but the sauce varied. Tuesday was a rice dish but not always curry - so maybe risotto or paella or egg fried rice with veg. Wednesday was potatoes - so oven chips or jacket potatoes with beans/chrese/chilli etc. Thursday was bread - curry and naan, fajitas, some times egg and beans on toast. Friday was anything not previously mentioned - often a stew or a soup or pizza.

Op says they have tofu and beans and seitan - that is protein.

I agree with @Basikelly. Every parent makes choices about what their kids eats. Some ban junk food, some ban sugar, some go the other way and eat lots of UPF's and the kids don't get fresh home cooked meals. As Basikelly says some don't restrict nitrates. Some buy food in plastic and are consuming microplastics. That's not really what this poster is asking about and is distracting from the real issue.
Remember we don't all have to agree with each others choices but lets be kind in our posts.

Your meals look like stodgy one pot cooking with every mouthful having the same taste and soft claggy texture.

Personally I would not want to eat what your making as I prefer different tastes and textures. Maybe DD doesn't like what your making and creating a big battle is going to give her a lifetime of food issues.

Bollocks. A diet that includes meat, fish, egg, dairy amongst many other foods is far superior for humans than a diet without.
Can an adult still be healthy on a vegan diet? Absolutely yes, but much more attention has to be paid and often supplements are recommended.
Adults are of course free to choose to put their beliefs ahead of their health. To force a growing child to put your own beliefs before their health is... well, I don't agree with it.

I asked at the beginning where your food control issues come from. Your approach is decades out of date. Were your own parents controlling about food?

This whole sentence betrays controlling attitude: just think she should eat her whole meal, or most of it, without asking/nagging her, as I don’t give her huge portions

OP Ignore everyone that has a different opinion you to you, just stay comfortable in your delusion and keep forcing that tofu!

Oh and BTW op saying her daughter loves tofu and would only eat that if allowed - im sure a lot of kids would only eat chocolate if allowed. Doesnt mean its good for them, does it?

Hilarious that you think eating meat, the most bioavailable food there is, means youre "stuck in the 50s". Cringe. Gonna bet my net worth that kids in the 50s were 1000x healthier than vegan kids today, the ones still with us at least.

Thats plant protein, and is not anywhere near as bioavailable as animal protein. You seem to also think that fat isnt important - shocker, it is. Animal fat is crucial to a nutritious diet.

Most kids are a little picky with food, I wouldn't worry too much as it sounds like you eat very healthily on the whole. I wouldn't punish her by taking away pudding, or force her to eat what she doesn't like as it could cause issues with food later on.

To take the pressure off dinner times, could you perhaps adapt the meals she doesn't like a little? So if you're making curry, could you fry up the filling first and then separate her portion out so she can have it with a simple tomato sauce instead for example (shop bought or prepped and frozen)? Or when it's tofu, veg and quinoa, could she have rice or pasta with hers instead (could use a microwave packet or leftover from another dinner)? Not talking cooking entirely separate meals, just a small adjustment so she's happy and you're not stressing at mealtimes because she won't eat.

@tvpodcastsmovies In fairness to you, I'm not vegan or vegetarian, I like chicken and pork, my son is 4 and just never liked dairy, meat or eggs. He mainly has tomato based dishes, pasta, flavoured rice very plain cheese, Soya milk, jacket potato and beans it's just what he likes. I offer him meat, tried hiding in his food and he spits it out.
I dont really have any advice, just think people are being harsh on you about being vegan!

Yes, good idea. I don’t know tonight if the problem was that I mixed it up too much. She picked out the tofu and just didn’t want the roasted veg. She does seem to prefer raw veg. The quinoa was ok to her, probably 5/10. But yes, adapting things is a good idea. I just don’t want to cook separate meals.

Completely agree. She will be being starved of many essential nutrients.

What is the general consensus on using a timer when it’s getting towards the end of the meal? So timer for last 5-7 minutes and then that’s the end of dinner?

the other big problem with her taking so long is that my 1 year old eats much more quickly and is then shouting and screaming while we wait for her. It’s just so loud and stressful. So I could bathe him while she is finishing alone, but I think she’d just sit there.

i don’t want to take away the pudding. Sometimes it’s more sugary things, and sometimes we don’t have pudding. But if I say she can have pudding regardless, then I think she would just have a tiny bit of her meal and wait for pudding.

What is the general consensus on using a timer when it’s getting towards the end of the meal? So timer for last 5-7 minutes and then that’s the end of dinner?

I can't tell if you're blatantly pulling our legs or genuinely unaware of your food control issues!

I don't think it's the child that has the problem here

really can’t be bothered to reply to anyone who thinks a healthy vegan diet is controlling. That’s what we eat at home. Oreos and most doughnuts are vegan, but far from healthy if consumed all the time. I don’t restrict tjings like this from my kids, and outside the house they will have dairy or eggs in tjings sometimes.

we live in the Swiss alps due to needing mountains in our lives, I’m a pretty high ranking athlete, with coach, I have blood work done, and I don’t have any nutrient deficiencies. On the contrary actually. I don’t comment on what other people eat, that’s their decision for their families and this is ours.

When introducing new food this should be alongside safe foods. So if she loves pasta or pizza then serve that with new food.

Dont make a big deal about eating, talk about anything but eating food. Keep the atmosphere calm.

Sometimes we do a scoring system, e.g this pasta with cheese is 9/10 but the pasta by itself is 7/10. I don’t know if I like these tomatoes that much they are more bitter than the last set I’m giving them 4/10. This works well for getting them involved, read / writing practice and trying different combinations quickly

Thanks. I try to talk about other things at the beginning. She will proceed to talk and talk so I have to say, ok, time to eat now!

Thanks for the other points. I’m definitely just going to try to chill out this week and see how things go. I just worry she will then be hungry if she’s barely had anything 😩

really can’t be bothered to reply to anyone who thinks a healthy vegan diet is controlling the controlling aspect is not that the family diet is vegan (although there will always be a debate about whether a vegan diet can be healthy).

I would say a timer is a bad idea. Maybe give small portions that you know she will eat and let her ask for more if still hungry. Have you tried putting food on a platter and letting her help herself?

I think a vegan diet is terrible for young kids, it’s very restrictive and your DDs reaction is a strong indication that something is wrong.

There is a link between restrictive diets in children and them going on to develop anorexia.

Have you children had blood work done? Could she be anaemic or low in b12?

Has your child had blood work done and been checked out? She's a seperate being from you.

Sorry OP , I think you’re getting a lot of stick for the wrong things here. But I sense that as an athlete you are probably very used to having all your environments controlled, things working to specific times and regimens for everyone and everything. I don’t think 5yo work like that? Setting a timer for your kid to eat sounds really stressful. If someone set you a timer to eat you’d get pissed off. Relinquish some of the control. It’s a phase. She’ll grow out of it.