INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS 12 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER

[BeanyBoo86]

Hi there,
I'm new to this and don't really know where to start. My Daughter who is 12 has always been a bit anxious, this first came to light in covid times/lockdown.
I will talk about this a bit more later. She has always struggled with her sleep no matter how many times I warned her how important this was! Now I think her brain has had enough and the last 2 weeks have been a full blown panic attack, she is having intrusive thoughts, a lot of sexualised ones, you can literally mention any word and her anxiety will latch onto it and twist it, the intrusive thoughts are 24 hrs a day, We went to her GP that was a complete waste of time, and CAMHS is a waiting list of years which we don't have that kind of time on our hands, we have sought the help of a private therapist and she had her first session last Thursday and has 2 more sessions this coming week, I haven't been able to get her into school for 2 weeks now and her sleep through the anxiety caused by the never ending intrusive thoughts is worse than ever. I will say we are going to attempt to get her back into school on Monday for a half day (fingers crossed) we now have very good support in the school, I am praying that once back in school this will all simmer down, the reason I say this is because after lockdown and she went back to primary school the intrusive thoughts almost disappeared** within a few days!
I feel very broken and lonely but I only show this to myself when she is asleep I cry and write a diary.
One very lost Mum looking to find other Mum's to help support each other and resonate with one another here!

This would be very hard, how much family support do you have?

I have my Mum, and my Daughters Dad. It is soul destroying x

I’d be really concerned as I’m sure you are and would try and find a child psychiatrist besides the effect of the pandemic I’d be suspicious of ASD. Both of which best diagnosed my a Dr.

Apologies I've never heard of ASD? She is seeing a therapist she had her first session last Thursday and has 2 further sessions this week x

Autism Spectrum Disorder.
Is her appointment with an actual child psychiatrist?

Intrusive thoughts is normally associated with OCD which is becoming more prevalent. Have a look through the OCD Action website and see if anything rings a bell; they have a helpline, as does Young Minds for parents:

https://ocdaction.org.uk

https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-helpline/

I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s really tough, I’ve had similar with my daughter.

Would recommend a child psychiatrist. CAMHS took forever even after crisis team intervention so we saw a psychiatrist privately initially. Was about £700 for appt. Not cheap but absolutely worth it.

Her anxiety and depression are now well managed with meds and she’s under CAMHS now who, once we got to see a psychiatrist with them, have been great.

I was very anxious about meds, particularly anti depressants for a teenager and was concerned they would turn her into a zombie and she would lose her character and uniqueness but they haven’t. They’ve been life changing in a really good way.

it doesn’t feel like it when you’re going through the worst of it but it will get better.

Not in any way diagnosing your DD but thought I’d share the experience we had with my DD.

My DD also had intrusive thoughts which affected her sleep and mood. She suffered from terrible anxiety and OCD too. CAMHS were not fit for purpose and she missed a lot of school.
We paid for her to see a local therapist, privately and he almost immediately recognised symptoms of ADHD.
We then had 2 consultations with a private psychiatrist , one to do a general assessment to exclude anything else and then the assessment for ADHD itself. She was diagnosed with inattention ADHD. Quite costly but an investment as DD has had her life turned around on medication. She barely ventured out of the house before. Her brain has calmed down.

If you can afford it, I’d suggest you get her assessed by a private psychiatrist if therapy isn’t helpful to her.
My DD tried the therapy but because of the ADHD, it wasn’t effective anyway as she couldn’t focus on it.

Two of my kids have had terrible anxiety and school refusal OP so I've been where you are now, although both were a few years older than your Dd. Therapy and medication helped and they are both in uni now and doing well. There's light at the end of the tunnel. Wishing you all the best.

inattentive ADHD here too, and a very similar experience with therapy not being effective until the ADHD was well managed.

Thank you for writing to me, and apologies for such a late response from myself, it has been another very challenging day and some days I literally don't know where I get my strength from as I (although I don't show it to my girl as she is the one suffering here!) feel like I'm broken physically and mentally, still holding down a job, sleep deprived, walking my 2 very needy doggies (but lovely doggies hehe! They are so in tune with how one feels and cuddle up to me at nights when the house is eventually still), that takes some time, as half the reason my Daughter is experiencing such debilitating Anxiety/OCD? is due to several years of lack of sleep and her lovely little brain has quite frankly had enough, the first sign of her ever having anxiety was in lockdown, we had a episode that lasted months and with no intervention from CAMHS, GP was useless we somehow, someway got her through it all, for it to only resurface recently! Anyways I am waffling on, firstly a lot of people have mentioned to me is she seeing a Psychiatrist or a Psychologist?? Apologies for sounding stupid here but can someone please explain the difference this would make to my Daughter. Secondly why £700? Was that the total cost of their sessions/help altogether? Or for one session with a Psychiatrist? Thirdly I am so filled with happiness for you and your Daughter for finally being at peace mentally, it must change the lives of everyone at home and most importantly your Daughter. Right now I look at my Daughter and just feel helpless, it has been debilitating for her and a huge impact on us as parents/grandparents also, the struggle is very real and extremely heart breaking! I hope one day I will sit here like you are telling you my Daughter has come out the other side and I see her smiling once again! Anyways I have been working closely with her school on a plan to get her back into school tomorrow and this week it will be half days to get her used to it, she only got to sleep just before 1am, so right now I'm feeling very apprehensive, all the while also trying to be positive that I can get her in tomorrow morning after 2 weeks of being at home having relentless panic attacks and breakdowns! Wish us luck! x

I’ll send you a DM with some further details of what helped my daughter, what the psychiatrist did etc.

Hi OP, did you ring any of the helplines so you can get some support and information on what to do next?

Hi @BeanyBoo86 I’ve sent you a private message with some further information in case it’s helpful.

Apologies I've never heard of ASD? She is seeing a therapist she had her first session last Thursday and has 2 further sessions this week x

Hi Hunni,
Yes I did apologies I will post a proper response later currently at work. Yes I did thank you and very helpful. Hope all is well with you?

A therapist is a good start for this problem assuming it is a therapist skilled in working with anxiety and intrusive thoughts. You don't necessarily need a psychiatrist at this point. Just support her to engage with the therapy. Psychiatrists mainly prescribe medication and she needs a good long spell of therapy to see if that helps first.

Thank you x
I will respond privately tomorrow x

I am so sorry to hear your children and you as a family also went through this, but incredibly happy that your children are doing so well and overcome their demons. We as parents and all that fighting everyday, all hours has had to of done some good. As unless you are millionaires the system has failed children with mental health problems.

ASD is autism.
Lots of good threads about OCD if you search - intrusive thoughts are often linked to OCD, which is an anxiety based problem. More common in kids who are ND.
ASD & OCD often go together (my DD has both)
It's hellish when your child is in the grip of this but, in my experience, it can be managed. Understanding where intrusive thoughts come from and how you can reframe your thoughts (and thus your feelings) was an immense light bulb moment for my DD.

Thank you for your message, it's been a strange few days, which when I'm not feeling like I'm at deaths doors, I will update here! There just aren't enough hours in the day. I'm feeling extremely overwhelmed at the moment, and just doing the simplest tasks which I would normally do without sparing it another thought are so challenging at the moment, I am completely burnt out, but hey this isn't about me haha! Do you mind sharing with me what kind of intrusive thoughts your Daughter was experiencing and how she got a grip of them, that amazing light bulb moment? How old was your Daughter when she went through all of this? However if you do mind answering these questions and care not to answer I equally understand and will not take offence. It is a very personal experience and I get that too. I am at the point of sharing my Daughter's issues purely because the system let us down and we are a bit lost, therefore taking the private route! The good news is my DD is back at school (returned Monday) on half days, the bad news is that it's half term next week and I'm worried being out of her routine again is going to set us back, I am literally feeling sick to my stomach with worry as there has been some improvement since going back to school Monday! x

Started for my DD aged 8. Intrusive thoughts around lots of areas - horrible thoughts about people, being afraid other people could read her thoughts (and think she was a bad person) lots of germs related anxiety and fear she would pass on illness and kill people, lots of anxiety about saying taboo things out loud, loss of control of bodily functions. She was a very distressed and unhappy little girl.
In a nutshell - everyone has intrusive thoughts, often many every day, but most people just disregard them. But, some people notice them and give them weight and truth, but really they are 'just' thoughts. But your thoughts shape your feelings, but equally you can change your thoughts and this changes your feelings. It's your actions that are you and your personality.
DD is pretty good at recognising when a thought is turning into an intrusive thought. The thoughts persist and seek response and validation or cancellation. But over time she has learnt to recognise them for what they are and not to respond - intrusive thoughts often reinforce by rumination and catastrophising. Whereas other forms of OCD manifest with rituals and behaviours. If you resist a thought, which seems impossible when in the grips of a spiralling episode - it does go away. But this takes practice. But the freeing and enlightening stage is when you realise that you do have control - you can push back - it's not easy and it's a long lasting and debilitating condition, but it can be managed. Sometimes meds are helpful but not always.
DD was assessed for ASD as a teen. Anxiety can be a really significant thing for some people with ASD. Talking therapies for anxiety and OCD might be less effective for people with undiagnosed ASD,/ADHD for various reasons.
Reassure your DD that things will get better. She won't always feel as horrible as she does now.

I can't read your posts OP without paragraphs, sorry.