Overwhelmed mum

[OnePunnyTiger]

Feeling very overwhelmed as a mum with an emotional DS. I can’t deal with my own, never mind his, and not sure how to handle it. Now I’m feeling pressure from his school as he’s not doing well and it’s really difficult to deal with.

What is happening in school and home? How old is he?

It sounds like some thing is happening outside of the ‘norm’. Have you spoke to Senco or sought advice from anyone?

They think he might have dyslexia or something along those lines but we’ve done a bunch of tests with professionals and the only thing that’s come up is sensory. I can’t tell if I’m parenting wrong, or if it’s that he’s behind that he’s feeling it, or what, but it’s all overwhelming and I can’t find a strong and true expert who can help advise me.

No senco yet as the school just informed me.

What assessments? Which professionals?

What behaviours are you seeing at home and school?

Dyslexia doesn’t impact behaviour to the point it makes it hard for other to cope with behaviour. It sounds like child on spectrum of ASD.

We’ve checked and have been told that he isn’t on the spectrum. But this is the challenge-everyone easily labels things but I can’t find better experts who can truly diagnose what’s going on and help me.

How old your child is will change my advice.
If school are phoning about behaviour then something might be going on.
Dyslexia can be missed on screeners. My daughter is dyslexic and all the screeners said low risk. £500 for a private assessment was definitely worth it for us and got us extra support (though we were told there would be no change to support)
There might be other neurodiversity if sensory sensitivity.

Perhaps look at some resources on parenting a neurodiverse child - it could help calm things. The explosive child is a good one and also general low demand parenting strategies.

Thank you! My DS is 8. That’s really helpful. Happy to pay but not all of them seem to run assessments properly and it’s our 4th time going. Last one was the most thorough though and it revealed sensory issues but not neurodivergent issues.

ask the school if they can provide quite time, move to a smaller class, wear headphones if over stimulated from noise’s in classroom. There is lots of strategies that can be implemented even if they aren’t sure what the issue is. If the he settles down after trying suggestions above then it may indicate that he is on spectrum. I could also be wrong but the school have nothing to lose by trying. At home, create quite time routine and massage 💆‍♀️ because it could him relax. Avoid busy public places if he isn’t able to cope. I hope you don’t feel I am crossing the line or assuming things. I work with children so just sharing what I have seen it work on children that did not have diagnosis yet.

Your Most welcome. Where has the sensory issue come from ?

Only a proper assessor can tell you this which will use a multi disciplinary approach. Sadly it’s either pay for private or wait for years on NHS for assessment.

I feel you must have been give some incorrect information along the way.

I’d arrange a meeting with the Senco, and then maybe a GP regarding a proper referral for neurodiversity assessment.

We did an assessment with an educational psychiatrist. And several before him which only revealed sensory issues.

he’s tantruming, exhausted, asking his 6 year old brother if he’s stupid. I think kids who are better over tutored are going to top schools and he’s last in the class because we haven’t pushed him in that way. Maybe that’s our mistake but when we speak to the school they say don’t tutor and then simultaneously say, have you checked for dyslexia.

The educational psychiatrist told us this

Thank you. His class size is pretty small but I wonder if we should move him somewhere even smaller without the pressures of 11+? No, you’re not crossing a line, thank you for the suggestions. I really don’t know where to turn so I appreciate the advice. As you work with children do you know of any specific resources or specialists I could speak with?

It was a proper assessment- paid - I’ve done it 3x now and this was the most thorough one. The other were more of the OT assessments.

Apologies, the screener for dyslexia is the only one I haven’t done yet. The school one (not proper) showed it mildly and they suggested speaking with someone to do a thorough one. That’s what I’m aiming for next but want to work with someone who can be more thorough and not just one sided.