DD(14) in a Mental Health Hospital PICU

[mummytomumtobro]

Just looking for anyone who has been through similar and can give any advice. My DD was adopted at 3.5 years old and has always had issues that have been put down to “attachment disorder”.

When she went into Year 7 in Sept 2023, the issues increased significantly (stealing, picking up used vapes off the road, threatening to run away, verbally abusive to us in the home) so in Jan 2024 she decided to move in her her adoptive dad (my ex-husband).

Since then she started not attending school, has had access to totally inappropriate content on a mobile phone where she has sent & received explicit pictures, no routine or discipline, not eating or sleeping at regular times and then in June 2024 she started self harming and attempting suicide by ligature. She also started to ingest non food items (batteries, light bulbs, cleaning products like disinfectant and toiletries.)

She was being seen by CAHMS and Early Help got involved in trying to get her dad to set more boundaries and follow through with routines. From June - August she was admitted to A&E on over 20 occasions from her dad’s house. She spent weekends with us and whole weeks during the summer holidays and never had any of these self harming attempts. I tried to get her to come back and live with me, but she declined as I’m “too strict”.

She was finally admitted to hospital and told she wasn’t allowed to leave into parental care as she was now beyond parental control. After 5 weeks in hospital, she was released to a residential home where she was the only child on 3:1 care. She smashed the place up within 5 days, absconded over 20 times and put 2 staff in hospital. She found glass and chewed it in her mouth, swallowed more batteries, flooded the kitchen, tried to gas them all as left the hob on. She harmed and left blood everywhere- walls, carpets, sofa it looked like a crime scene.

So she was sectioned for 28 days to a mental hospital where she is on so many drugs to sedate her, it’s unbelievable. Yet she is causing chaos in there and has put at least 3 staff in hospital, swears and shouts, doesn’t wash or change clothes, has started head banging and is self harming terribly. She has also tried to ligature in there using socks.

I don’t know what to do to help her. It’s breaking me.

She is in the correct and indeed only place she can be.

There is nothing you can do aside from focus on your other children and visit your DD to reiterate over and over that you love her and you are rooting her on to recover.

And let the professionals do whatever they can do

Thank you, I am and hoping they can

That sounds so hard. She needs to stay in the hospital and have the time to recover. It can take a long time for the drugs to work and for the doctors to find a way to keep her stable.

are you permitted to visit her? How far is the hospital from your home?

This must be so hard. It’s difficult to imagine. I agree with the previous poster that it doesn’t sound like there’s much you can do except to tell her you love her and hope she gets better.

I really hope for you all they find a treatment that helps and she gets to a better place mentally.

She’s been placed under a section 3 today so will be there for up to another 6 months.

I visit 3-4 times a week as she’s luckily only 20 mins away (feel so lucky this is the case). Went today and she’s been placed in anti ligature clothing for the foreseeable as her attempts have ramped up the last two days.

it must be heartbreaking for you and its sounds like your ex only made things worse, hence why she said you were too strict, whereas you were probably doing things correct.
as it is as they say she is in the right place. sad though it is at least you have 6 months to breathe. i am sure the staff will be able to tell you what is happening and i am assuming nearer the end of the 6 months they will be advising you what to do for the future.
it is good they are reducing the risks with the special clothing. it may seem a bit drastic but being sedated is the one way through it. during one of my breakdowns i just kept zoning out and they could not get me to come back to them so really when i was sedated it was much better. i had no bad dreams or thoughts just peace. that helped me heal.
do keep telling her you love her miss her and still want her
god bless you all

Did she get serious help for attachment disorder when she was young? It's a really serious diagnosis that has huge impact. I hope you weren't just left to try and manage it yourselves, it really requires very specialist help.

It's so sad OP and I can't imagine the stress it's putting on you. It sounds like she really didn't cope with the transition to secondary school but i don't think that's at all unusual for a child with attachment disorder. Was there support put in place for her to help her with the transition?

I think you and your dd have probably been really failed by SS and the NHS tbh OP. This is a child that needed a lot of intervention from the time she was diagnosed and a lot of support with transitions and any event such your separation that is likely to have had a huge impact on her.

I really hope she gets proper help now OP, keep loving her and understanding this isn't her fault, she is incredibly traumatised and just be there for her. I don't know how these things work but I hope they're going to be doing much more than just medicating her into being manageable.

This first part is the most important. Most CAMHS have child psychotherapists, who are experts in attachment stuff, but ut can be impossible to convince a team to refer you.

When shes discharged, there will be a meeting/meetings called 117, this guarantees funding to try and stop her needing hospital again, maybe if she didnt have that before, ypu could push for it to be on the plan?

No advice other than I've also had a child sectioned and it's broken me xxx big hugs x

Becsuse she's now section 3 that is now a passport for guaranteed support afterwards. I know that's not the silver lining you want but this isn't your fault

Poor poor girl, and poor you as well.

What are they doing in terms of making sure they have the right diagnosis and treatment? It sounds like it's all crisis management, from what you describe. It might be helpful to look into assessment for complex trauma and dissociation, if that is relevant to her, for example the Pottergate centre and the CTAD clinic (though I'm not sure whether they are only for over 18s).