School refusal/anxiety/phobias

[Pipshort]

My daughter is at secondary school and suffers from emetophobia. As a result she has severe anxiety and panic attacks. This has now developed into a general fear of going to school. The school have been very supportive and have good pastoral/SEN support. They have changed her timetable and seating plans to make sure she is sat with her friends in each class, they have a SEN room where she can do her work if needed, she has a time out pass, and they have referred her for ASD/ADHD assessment. Basically they are doing everything possible to help her. She is not being bullied and has friends at school. She now attends a mental health support session each week to try to help with her phobia and anxiety, but we can’t see it’s had much effect so far. She was put on a reduced timetable at school for a few weeks before Christmas. Finishing at lunchtime made her goal of getting home to her safe space more achievable and seemed to help her cope a bit better, but as my husband and I both work full time and can’t work from home it was difficult collecting her each day at lunchtime and we had to call on friends/grandparents etc for help on some days. We have tried to go back to an all day timetable this week; the first day was ok but today the panic attacks have started again and I ended up collecting her at lunchtime. She seems genuinely terrified of being at school and says she just can’t survive there anymore as it’s all too overwhelming. She is mentally exhausted from the anxiety and just looks permanently tired and sad. She desperately wants to be home schooled but this just isn’t an option as neither myself or my husband can work from home. I’ve considered giving up my job completely or reducing to part time hours but we can’t afford the financial hit. We’ve considered whether a fresh start at a new school would make a difference but I doubt she’d get such good support at another school. I’m just wondering if anyone else has been in a similar position with anxiety/phobias/school refusal? Any advice or just to know we are not alone would be appreciated.

Don't do anything hasty like move her school - it will make things worse as she will have no friends or trust in the staff, so would feel more anxious. It doesn't sound like this individual school is the cause of the issue.

I understand your wish to fix this quickly, but unfortunately that's very unlikely.

She needs support with the underlying cause(s) of the anxiety, which will take a little time.

Have you read up on your work's carer's policies? Try not to rush to do anything - check your legal rights and think through options calmly. Is your manager helpful, have you worked there more than two years, is it a decent employer?

Also I should have asked what year is she in, and how willing/able are family and friends to help?

Definitely don't move her school, school is 100% not the issue here. Some children do have school refusal because school is the issue and SEN needs aren't being met etc but with what you've described in your post school isn't the problem, if she has to go anywhere with a lot of people around (germs, toilets, potentially getting sick etc) she would have the same problem. Home is her safe place because she can't catch anything vomit inducing there, unless someone in the household obviously had a bug.

She needs proper therapy, can you afford to pay privately for her to see a real psychologist or psychiatrist? CBT will probably be the starting point.

No wonder she is exhausted, it is physically draining being on constant high alert and vigilant for dangers and triggers and fighting against scary thoughts.