ADHD and ASD DS13 - problems with dysregulation … threw a chair at his favourite TA 🥺

[chunkyBoo]

Help! My DS13 does have problems with dysregulation, usually he’s hitting at himself but today after a benign issue he created he got in such a state that he became mute temporarily. He was trying f to calm down in a loud room, and his favourite TA came in to ask if he was ok and he threw
achair at her. Didn’t hurt her according f to her colleague, just shook her up. I’m in the process of asking the specialist nurse if we can up his dose as he’s started meds 6 weeks ago and they were going well y til this week and they’ve started to be less effective. She said he could take up to 3 tablets a day and currently only on 1 but god I feel so bad for him and the TA he adores 😓
I hope he does r get in huge trouble - they know his diagnosis at school and have ben fantastic with him but they can’t accommodate every issue that comes up like today as it was in the break

Sounds so stressful for everyone involved, both the TA and your DS have had a tough day. Perhaps if he's only 6 weeks into medication, it's linked to his body getting use to the change, did he do anything like that before?

While protections may need to be in place to keep staff safe, if he was disregulated to the point it was beyond his control, he shouldn't be 'in trouble' as such. The focus needs to be on making sure nothing like that happens again, not on punishment.

Sounds so stressful for everyone involved, both the TA and your DS have had a tough day. Perhaps if he's only 6 weeks into medication, it's linked to his body getting use to the change, did he do anything like that before?

While protections may need to be in place to keep staff safe, if he was disregulated to the point it was beyond his control, he shouldn't be 'in trouble' as such. The focus needs to be on making sure nothing like that happens again, not on punishment.

Sounds so stressful for everyone involved, both the TA and your DS have had a tough day. Perhaps if he's only 6 weeks into medication, it's linked to his body getting use to the change, did he do anything like that before?

While protections may need to be in place to keep staff safe, if he was disregulated to the point it was beyond his control, he shouldn't be 'in trouble' as such. The focus needs to be on making sure nothing like that happens again, not on punishment.

Sounds so stressful for everyone involved, both the TA and your DS have had a tough day. Perhaps if he's only 6 weeks into medication, it's linked to his body getting use to the change, did he do anything like that before?

While protections may need to be in place to keep staff safe, if he was disregulated to the point it was beyond his control, he shouldn't be 'in trouble' as such. The focus needs to be on making sure nothing like that happens again, not on punishment.

Sounds so stressful for everyone involved, both the TA and your DS have had a tough day. Perhaps if he's only 6 weeks into medication, it's linked to his body getting use to the change, did he do anything like that before?

While protections may need to be in place to keep staff safe, if he was disregulated to the point it was beyond his control, he shouldn't be 'in trouble' as such. The focus needs to be on making sure nothing like that happens again, not on punishment.

Sorry, my phone glitches and seems to have posted multiple times

What is causing him to become so dysregulated?

In this case he was playing silly games with his friends where they take something like water bottle or pencil case but return it before end of break, except he couldn’t return it because the friend had gone. I suspect it was partly to do with hunger too as it turns out he only had a doughnut for lunch too, he’s in a growth phase so hungry, but the drugs hide hunger so w e have to ensure he’s eating at home, but of course we weren’t there.

The TA’s safety trumps your son’s needs, even if that sounds harsh. He could’ve caused her serious injury. I hope she’s ok.

So, I do agree that he shouldn’t be “in trouble” as such because he was dysregulated however, actions have consequences and I don’t think anybody is going to be doing your ds a favour if they all make excuses and look the other way.
At 13 he needs to be robustly part of the conversation that says “what are you going to do to make sure your favourite TA feels safe enough to work with you again moving forward?” and “what steps are you going to take to ensure that your dysregulation can be better managed and find a safer outlet moving forwards? “

Yes I really hope the school are supportive and enable him in this process (rather than simply using detention/isolation/suspension which are imo lazy and achieve little) but ultimately Op, for your son’s future please encourage him to take responsibility here rather than make excuses and start to repair what he has done.

Maybe going against the grain a bit here but I think he does need to be "in trouble".
Thankfully the chair missed the TA, but what if it had hit her, or one of his classmates and caused injury?
He is above the age of legal responsibility and if he is to be a part of society needs to be able to behave appropriately within it.

Agree 100%. It’s not his fault he’s disregulated but it is his choice to pick up a chair and lob it at another human being. That’s actually assault and there is no excuse.

My DC also has a formal diagnosis of ADHD.

I think there’s bigger issues here. He’s not eating lunch. Why? Does he not understand he needs food? He’s messing about with the belongings of other dc? Why? Maybe setting simple expectations for him such as being kind and not playing silly games might help? No idea about medication but how does this help with eating lunch and taking belongings of other dc and thinking it’s funny. He certainly needs a good talking to!

A common side effect of ADHD medication is that it can stop you registering body signals that you are hungry. The kid has spent 13 years being able to feel that he is hungry and take that as a que to eat. He is only 6 weeks into not having that information and having to actively remember to eat (forgetfulness & difficulties sticking to schedules are also symptoms of his ADHD)

My DS (ASD, not ADHD) was in a similar situation in Y8 when he became very dysregulated after an activity that he had been looking forward to in a lesson was cancelled at very short notice. He became very distressed, refusing to leave the classroom because he hadn't yet done the activity - and when his TA tried to lead him outside to calm down, he shoved her. She wasn't hurt, luckily, but she was very shocked (as was he).

The school took the view that, although the situation could have been handled better, they had to draw a red line under violence to staff, so he was given a one-day suspension (which we supported). It actually turned out to be a turning point for him, partly because the school rethought the provision they were giving him (so he didn't get so dysregulated in the first place) and partly because it really shocked DS himself! He's now in Y11 and has had exemplary behaviour for the last 2 years. He's even managing some lessons without TA support now because they're so confident that he can regulate himself and has strategies to deal with stressful situations.

So just to say that, although it feels awful to hear that your child has been involved in an incident like this, it can be turned around. And receiving consequences for this behaviour isn't automatically unreasonable, especially if it means that everyone involved reconsiders how to support the child better.

I agree. Isn’t everyone ‘dysregulated’ when they’re upset or distressed, but it’s never an excuse for violence. I have to be honest I’m worried about the current lot growing into adults who have never been properly disciplined and always told nothings their fault.

Thanks everyone, we’re certainly not making excuses, there are reasons for his behaviour, however, he does know he was in the wrong and likely will get detention or suspended for a day etc which we will talk through with him so he understands. This is so out of character for him, anyone who has a child with similar issues will understand but he is so upset when he does something wrong, he knows it’s wrong and always takes it out on himself (he hits himself in the head/head banger) it’s so worrying he’s lashed out 😞