Issues with daughter doing PE

[Disneymum1983]

My teenage daughter, who we believe is ASD, on waiting list to be seen, is struggling at school. Current issue is PE. She is refusing to do it. Says that she has no one to work with and despite my best efforts to persuade I’m having no luck in her attending. School are punishing her severely as she is hiding instead of going to the lesson. Each time she comes home she has bad headaches. I genuinely believe this is stressing her out. Has anyone experienced anything similar and has any suggestions please? She says that the issue is that they are doing team sports and have to work in groups. Her issue is that she has no one that she wants to work with, or who will work with her?
She is in the verge of being suspended and want to prevent this.
Any advice much appreciated.
Thank you.

Are you in regular contact with the SENCO? If not arrange a meeting and explain how distressed your dd is about PE and ask them excuse her from the lessons as a reasonable adjustment. They will tell you that they can't do this, but they absolutely can.

Have you spoken to the senco? Although PE is a compulsory subject they should be accommodating your daughter’s needs and offering an alternative such as dance or some form of exercise she’d enjoy or could participate in.
Punishing her for her social anxiety is not OK.

Why doesn’t the teacher put them in groups? What age is your child?

I am in constant contact with the pastoral team and year head. They are saying they have tried to offer something and she’s denied it. Not sure exactly what that is. I asked about different provision and they said she has to do PE as compulsory. I believe they think I’m too soft on her. This is why I’m not sure what to do now 😢

Not sure why. She’s 13

School are punishing her severely as she is hiding instead of going to the lesson.
@Disneymum1983 by hiding, do you mean that staff are having to search for her? Is she leaving the school?

I am in constant contact with the pastoral team and year head. They are saying they have tried to offer something and she’s denied it. Not sure exactly what that is. I asked about different provision and they said she has to do PE as compulsory. I believe they think I’m too soft on her. This is why I’m not sure what to do now 😢

She is hiding around school, so yes, staff are then looking for her

Is that what the main issue is? Are they having to leave their duties to go and look for her? Where is she hiding?

My AuDHD daughter was like this. It was terribly stressful, upsetting and humiliating for her. She understood why nobody wanted to work with her. A lack of coordination and poor proprioception are common autistic struggles and, if this is the case, there is no way that simply trying harder will produce any kind of improvement.

It is extraordinary to me that schools accept that there is a basic level of ability/inability which means that some children will permanently struggle with maths and foreign languages but they don’t accept this about PE despite the fact that it is glaringly obvious. If children were set for PE then it might be possible to help the less-able kids improve or at least develop a decent relationship with exercise. I do believe even those with poor coordination could improve their fitness at running for example. But you cannot teach them to play tennis to any standard. My DD used to say that she understood why nobody wanted to work with her because they weren’t playing tennis, they were just playing fetch because she couldn’t return a ball or hit one to them!

Please do speak to the SENCO and any professionals you are working with for her mental health or autism diagnosis. This can easily spiral into school refusal. They need to consider what support they can put in place, not punish her.

Yes that is the main issue, I have told her not to hide etc but she’s not listened. She usually hides in the toilets

Doesn’t the Disability Discrimination Act require schools to support children with disabilities and provide alternative more suitable arrangements?

I’m in Ireland but the ordinary secondary school here accepted that DS (diagnosed with Autism and Dyspraxia) struggles with PE so he’s not required to do it at all and instead sits in the SN room and gets on with any homework he’s got or he’ll sit reading.

I certainly wouldn’t support the school in punishing your daughter but ultimately threaten them with legal action if they continue to treat your daughter so appallingly.

Ask for a meeting with PE staff and maybe senior leadership team. State what she’s finding difficult and ask for their suggestion for a solution.

By PE is it a specific activity she avoids. Not all will be paired up. Unfortunately for her it is a compulsory lesson and the staff should accommodate her needs, but they can only do so if she shows up. Does she get changed or is that an issue? What would facilitate her attending, even if only to keep score or do warm ups.

DD didn’t do PE in Yrs 10 and 11 due to her self-harm scars, ASD and MH problems, as a reasonable adjustment. We did have a diagnosis and an EHCP though. She went to Support instead.

Have you spoken directly to the PE teacher?

as an ex teacher I always put my pupils in groups myself. I hated the idea of anyone feeling ‘left until last’. I made sure they had at least one person of similar ability/friendship on each group. I would speak directly to the teacher

School are really missing a trick with teen girls and PE. The statistic is something like 43% of girls who previously liked sport disengage in secondary school. Getting changed in front of others, periods and confidence - particularly in mixed sex PE classes, are all part of the issue. My 14DD has gone from being in every school PE event/competition and playing girls football to hating PE / she says her friends don’t participate, just stand around so she does the same, the boys dominate the lesson and it messes up her hair (it’s important to her) so I sympathise with you OP.

Hi yes this is my dd13. She struggles with the kids (and probably the teachers) so pastoral allows her to miss double period PE. She attends one period per week. My dd is diagnosed with ADHD and autism but is fully functioning. The social aspect and the anxiety are the issue! Sadly she likes exercise but the pupils play games with her and she is intelligent enough to see through it!! She was enjoying women’s rugby but the girls sneered at her and she doesn’t go! It’s hard as the school are v sports focused! The school however wouldn’t expel a child because of not attending PE! That is extreme!!!