Eating disorder question

[Tiuriwiththewhiteshield]

Hi,
I’m hoping to get some insight in how eating disorders ‘work’ as I’m struggling with my dd16, who has been referred for support with an eating disorder (bulimia/ bingeing)
Hopefully she will receive appropriate support soon but in the mean time we are trying to deal with her binging and the effects on the rest of the family.
At the moment she eats a lot, and will eat most of treat foods in the house. Often there’s nothing left for her sister or for us.
This week she has eaten a full pack of posh chocs which were a gift to friends and specifically bought for them. They were kept in our bedroom but she found them.
Then she started on treats which we had bought only today for her sisters birthday breakfast tomorrow morning.

I am trying to be understanding but find myself increasingly annoyed that she eats all the nice treats, and this week even gifts for others. It’s costing me a fortune and we have nothing as a treat ourselves.
I’ve reduced what I buy already, and never buy anything if it’s not planned to be used within 48 hrs.

But equally, I’m finding that’s its quite ‘easy’ for she to say ‘it’s an eating disorder’ and I want to ask if I really can’t expect her to limit what she eats so there’s something left for others in the family?

Lock box.

I think if she’s searching for food like that and eating things that she knows are intended as a gift for others or for her sisters birthday then that is a definite indication that this is a compulsion/disorder. If she could control it and stop on her own then that would not be the case.

The practical solution is a lockable box as the PP has said.

We got her sister one of those so she could keep her birthday sweets/choc safe.

I’m reluctant to have my fridge full of lock boxes though - is that really what is necessary when someone has an eating disorder? Can I not place any restrictions on food , such as ‘ this is a gift for xxx so you can’t eat it’? I’m struggling with that but perhaps I’m not understanding how it is to have an eating disorder.

She’ll be binging due to restricting other food throughout the day. If you can make sure she’s eating more regularly throughout the day it’ll reduce the urges to binge later on. Have a look at the ‘CCI eating disorders resources’ (google it) they explain it in more detail but in very straightforward terms.

I wouldn’t lock food away as that’s going to add to her feelings of guilt that are often high in eating disorders and add to more unhealthy thoughts about food

You can say those things of course, and mean them. But if she’s binging then it’s not going to override the compulsion and the disordered way of thinking.

Have you looked at BEAT the eating disorder charity? They have lots of information online.

if she can’t resist things brought for others I would lock them away until you all get professional help.

I hope you get the support you need x

Thanks, I’ll read the BEAT and CCI resources. I’m finding it very complex at the moment to know what to do.

What do I buy ? No snacks at all? Only healthy foods in the house? That looks to be given the wrong message too?
Some snack food as usual, although she’ll be eating 85 % of it and will feel crap after she’s eaten it?
im hoping there’ll be some support offered soon as we’re struggling to know what’s best - we’d do anything to help, but are just unsure what’s best.

shes struggling to attend school too so too much at home as a result which is not helping either (i work part time but still lots of times when she’s home alone)

Yes, that’s what’s needed when someone has an eating disorder. I hope she’s able to get the help she needs. Do link in with BEAT or one of the other charities that support parents. It’s a steep learning curve and hard, but you can get there with the right support. Wishing you all the best.

I have no experience of binge eating disorder, but I know eating disorders are dangerous things and I would be looking for advice from B-eat and Young Minds, or even the support threads here. A GP appointment? But I would also bear in mind that good intentioned advice from people who are not proven to have any knowledge or experience can be not only unhelpful but dangerous.

GP is involved and referral has been made - we’re waiting to get an appointment through the NHS. Fully aware she needs professional support in this. Just trying to get through this period until support is in place

3 meals and 3 snacks. Try and get her to get up at a suitable time so she doesn’t feel the meals and snacks all run into one. Try and get her to have some milk. Get her on a multivitamin. Make sure she is drinking enough but not over drinking (2 litres of all fluids). Try and stop her going to the loo an hour after eating (distract her with a nice activity) to limit opportunity for making herself sick (if she’s binging this is quite likely).

We’ve always encourage 3 meals but she’s not keeping to that. The bingeing happens when we are not home (at work mainly) We try to have one of us at home whenever we can but we do need to work too.
She drinks milk, has multivits, drinks plenty of water, is an early riser naturally.
She says she’s not making herself sick as she hated vomitting but has admitted to buying laxatives online (GP is aware).

Thank you for all your input - I’ll be glad when someone will help her (and us) in getting through this period because I feel out of my depth!

When I was binging in school one day, literally the only food I could get my hands on were mouldy peanut butter sandwiches which I’d stashed in my desk when I was restricting the week before.

I still ate them.

Hi @Tiuriwiththewhiteshield on the ED board there is a long running series of threads about supporting CYP with an eating disorder (I was part of it but my DD is now recovered - I do still pop by though!) Most of us probably are talking about AN rather than bulimia but it was an immense source of support and understanding for me - I hope you may find it the same. x