ADHD and the Maturity Gap

[muddlingonthrough]

DS8 has ADHD and Dyspraxia. We are receiving excellent support in school and making great progress at home in terms of helping him to organise and regulate himself etc.

It’s the social/friends side of things has become an issue.No play date invites, less birthday party invites the past year, isolated at break time in school and seems to have become a bit of a target for some of the slightly older more mature boys who pick on him and call him names.

We are doing all that we can to support him and trying to teach him social skills and tackling him on things as and when they occur (e.g interrupting games in the yard, playfully hitting/slapping someone, shouting in someone’s face albeit playfully…)
But the gap is becoming very noticeable between him and the boys in his year. He started out with a lovely group of 7 or 8 boys which he fitted in with initially. The boys are maturing socially a lot quicker than DC and as much as it pains me to say it, he seems to really get on their nerves due to his giddy/impulsive behaviour.

We have tried him at various activities outside of school but he hasn’t managed to make any friends through those.

I instigated some play dates last year but only got 1 invite back which I feel the mum was just returning the favor (which I am grateful for, almost cried when she text!!) but none of the others invited him back, and I believe it’s because the other kids are just not keen to be his friend.

Any advice on how to support him in understanding what’s happening and/or mastering social skills?

Has anyone else out there been through similar and found that the ‘gap’ eventually closed? It breaks my heart to think that this could potentially continue as he is a lovely, fun, friendly boy and would make a great friend but he seems to be unknowingly putting kids off!

If he enjoyed the play dates, they don’t have to be two ways, you can always invite the boys again. A friend of mine used to have her daughter’s friend that she met at nursery over every week for years. The other girl’s mother worked and wasn’t able to reciprocate but my friend’s daughter struggled with friendships and it was important to them both. ( I sort of felt the other mother was taking advantage a bit but my friend was happy to do this!)

Yes I am ok with people not reciprocating. I don’t mind putting myself out at all once he gets to have those experiences.
It’s more the fact he doesn’t get any invites that bothers me. I think he is too much for most of the other kids so he wouldn’t be someone they would choose to invite for a play date.

Bump

My daughter has severe ADHD and retook Y7. It helped a lot. Retaking a year might not be an option for everyone, but maybe you could find activities that are offered for broader age groups? And manage his play more than other parents might do, to make sure the other kids have fun?