9 year old is very sensitive

[LauraLouLouLaura]

Hi - I'm not sure if this is the right thread, I've never posted before but I need some advice and patenting wisdom.

My 9 year old is in Y4, every day she comes home saying something negative, someone has said something ect (all very small things, for example, the girl she sits next too has said shut up to me today or she said I couldn't drink my water but the teacher said I could). But these small insignificant things will somehow cloud her day, perhaps not in school but at home. She will carry these things home and let it impact her mood. I spoke to the teacher and she moved her but now she is complaining about the next person she sits next to. I'm unsure if I've explained it well enough - but I don't really know how to help her work through these things, and become more resilient and hopefully get to a point where she's isn't letting these things effect her.

I'm sorry it's such a long message, thank you for reading

My DD is the same age and also a little sensitive, prone to rumination. What I do is, listen, empathise, reflect, say how tough that must have been. It’s a
good thing you are a strong girl. Then I move it along, I do lots of mood
boosting songs and jollying along. Essentially, I sympathise but for a limited time. Seems to work ok.

I talk to my kids about bricks and feathers. If you let every ‘bad’ thing that was said/happened to you during the day become a brick that you pick up and carry around, you’ll never be able to carry all the bricks and they weigh you down. Try to see these things as feathers…they are there, and you can acknowledge them and how they made you feel, but then the wind catches them and they fly away.

DD, now 16, was like that all through primary school. We really struggled as parents with now little things could spoil her day and almost that she would actively look for things to dwell on. All we could do was acknowledge that it was a bit shit/mean/whatever, and ask what happened next. Sometimes she would move on and all was well, but sometimes she'd get angry with us. In situations where bickering was overruled by teachers (but the teacher said I could drink my water) we'd focus on the teacher being right and hope, out loud, that she was reassured by it. Again, sometimes she'd take it, and others not.

Now, she's doing her exams and generally a resilient girl, adolescent angst notwithstanding.

Just stick with her and she will be fine. It will take a lot of patience and tongue-biting.

That’s fucking brilliant thank you