Explaining Rejection Sensitivity (RSD) to Children/Teens

[DaysLikeTheseWeLearnToLiveAgain]

Does anyone know of a simple first step video that explains RSD, specifically for 11+ year olds?

My daughter has recently been diagnosed with ADHD and is (and always has) struggled with being rejected or taking things to heart. I’d love a short video that explains RSD better as although I’ve talked about it a lot I’m not sure I’m doing a fab job of it. It breaks my heart seeing her beat herself up over her friendships at school.

Bump

Has she been diagnosed with RSD? You say she has ADHD, so I'm curious why you want to explain a different (non-ICD/DSM) condition to her...

RSD is a learned reaction, based on lived experience of rejection/distress - it is not ND or AdHD specific but ND can make the reaction stronger. It is a way of coping, trying to predict what may happen. Perhaps you can talk to her how - understadably - she learned to predict others will be ungelpful/judgemental, and this is likely based on some tricky past social situations. It is a feeling - and this is the important part - it may or may nor reflect real life situations. Looking at distress tolerance, pausing before reacting may be helpful?

Thanks for your replies. Yes she has @CAMHSDoctor

RSD isn’t actually a learnt behaviour @YellowElephant89but I quote “is a brain-based feature, often associated with ADHD, it’s a combination of genetic and neurological factors, past experiences like childhood rejection and bullying can exacerbate its effects.

Environmental factors can contribute to its development, but the intense emotional pain and reactions are rooted in neurobiological differences, particularly in emotional regulation”

I will look at distress intolerance thank you.

There's an account on Instagram/Tiktok called ADHD Love, the woman has ADHD and the man suspects he's Autistic and has an adult Autistic son. They're really good at explaining ADHD/Autism in an easily understood way and have spoken about RSD quite often, so worth having a look at their posts. They have a book and an app too

I'm ADHD and Mum to ND teens. I'm sceptical about RSD. ND people are rightly sensitive to rejection because we experience it far more frequently than neurotypicals do.

To pathologise it by calling it dysphoria just adds insult to injury. It's just another way of invalidating our lived experience and absolving the rest of society of any responsibility for the harm caused.

I've been given the same info as you OP - that it's related to brain processing etc, but there really isn't any evidence to support this.

Having said that, adhd medication does help by offering a slight numbing effect. Otherwise I would support her in knowing her own worth and understanding why others behave the way they do. Build her resilience. Pathologising experience is gaslighting which is partly what makes ND people vulnerable.

Thanks @StrokeCity I’ll check them out 👍🏻

@Marcusparkus I hate the term Dysphoria too. I don’t use it when talking about RSD face to face with people. I just say Rejection Sensitivity. Thanks for your reply. Really appreciate it.

Can you quote the source of the quote please OP? I'd like to find out more, as my experience differs.

Link the source - not quote!

Isn’t this basically everyone? No one likes being rejected by their group.

@YellowElephant89 it’s a combination of links. If you type in “is RSD a learnt behaviour” into google you will see all the seperate links. It’s very interesting.

@TheaBrandt1while yes no one likes being rejected RSD doesn’t affect everyone; when a person with ADHD gets rejected they can feel it so much more deeply. They feel it severely and sometimes it just a perceived rejection and not actually one. They really struggle to emotional regulate their response to it. It is thought it is from difference in the brain structure and how they emotional regulate themselves.

It’s still a relatively ‘new’ discovery and doctors are doing a ton of research on it.

Everything is so pathologised now. Where does it end?

I think my kid also has it, we have had some success in identifying the voice of his ‘inner critic’. We gave him the nickname of Draco Malfoy. If the inner critic comes in telling him he’s stupid, catastrophising he’ll never be able to do it, we just say ‘go away Malloy and give us 5 minutes peace’. This has allowed my kid not to stop immediately when he gets something ‘wrong’. We also lean a lot on growth mindset taught at school.

At the end of the task we ask what Hermione Grainger would say if she were here. This is often something like ‘good effort, well done for doing your homework’.

Don’t get me wrong it’s not fixed but helps him to put a gap between himself and the overwhelming feelings. The Draco voice is just a part of him, that he can recognise and control to an extent. He doesn’t need to accept the self blame, catastrophe. It’s an ongoing process though. Ask me if it’s worked in 5 years 🙈

Why does it have to end? @TheaBrandt1

I for one am very glad it hasn’t/won’t. To educate and understand one’s self is utterly invaluable.

I love this @UncertainPersonwhat a lovely way to handle it. I’m going to suggest we do something similar. Thanks so much for replying.

You need to be really careful about using Google AI as fact because it often synthesises its sources to say something not supported by the sources themselves. Added to which, the quality of these sources is often questionable and based on opinion rather than evidence.

Agreed @MotherofPufflingsthat's why we have sort professional help but there are lots of fantastic resources out there written by professionals on the subject. I just wish there was a video that explains RSD (first steps) and emotional regulation for teens. It’ll come in time I guess.

Have a look on YouTube at ‘How to ADHD’. There is an episode on RSD.

Thank you so much @Littlefish