DS said he doesn’t want to live

[Memming]

We‘re currently on holiday, having a nice time. Today we went to a beautiful place and DC were playing by a river. Suddenly DS, who will be 9 in 2 months, said ‘I was just thinking that I don’t want to live’.

Thinking I must have misheard him, I said ‘yes, I don’t want to leave either. It’s so nice here’. He said, ‘no, I don’t want to LIVE, not leave’.

I asked why he felt that way, he said he didn’t know, the thought just came to him.

I decided not to press him on it, but am now feeling quite worried.

He’s a very sensitive boy, who gets very easily stressed especially at school. He’s a perfectionist. He’s often clumsy and lacks confidence because of this.

He’s often prone to huge outbursts, when he screams for up to an hour at a time.

He’s been to a psychologist but they unfortunately weren’t much help.

I have suffered with depression and self harmed from 14 until I was about 30.

DH’s father and nephew both have bipolar disorder.

So my question is, what should I do? Wait and watch? Bring it up with him and discuss it? Call his doctor? I sometimes feel like I overreact and I am scared to do the wrong thing here.

So sorry to hear this OP.

Yes gently pursue it with your son, and definitely raise it with his doctor.

He was hot bothered and no ice cream seller around

Go back to doctor and get a different therapist. I have a 9 year old and can't imagine her saying this (and she's going through a lot atm)
You must be feeling awful, this isn't something you can bandage with calpol til help come through. I'd be pushing and pushing with doctor until help available. In the interim can you try play therapy or is he too old for that?

It was 22° and he had an ice cream as big as his head.

He was playing happy and calm when he said this, that’s why it was such a shock

He’s still very much into playing (he has a younger sibling) and has a good
imagination. Will try some play therapy.

I’ve always been worried for his future, his
personality and family background aren’t a good
mix. His comment today has really thrown me.

Does your GP know all the family history and your health issues?
Surely he needs to see a psychiatrist to either allay your fears or to medicate. Mostly because of the family history. But his comment is a bit scary and I would think a GP would also be concerned.

My now 15 year old said similar at that age.

Looking back, I think he’d hit the point where he realised his own mortality and was grappling with some deep philosophical questions. I think that’s a normal developmental phase and it was more of a discussion point rather than an expression of suicidality. He couldn’t quite get his head around the point of living if we were all going to die.

However, he’s also turned out to be quite introspective and prone to anxiety and depression - particularly during times of hormonal change. The same questions did not occur to his younger brother. The best thing we ever did for him was get a dog. Somehow she cuts through all of that introspection and makes him happy and joyous. But I’m very aware that he’s a sensitive child, who may struggle with this sort of issue going forward.

I don’t know that it’s that unusual a comment.
I’d make sure it’s not a comment brandished about the home regularly and if you and your dh are seen by your own trusted mh professionals ask them about possible response options.
I wouldn’t “forget” about it but I’d get more professional suggestions before chatting to your ds, due to family history.

Try to ask him if he has ever had that thought before, how often etc

Something like stoicism for kids might be helpful: www.amazon.co.uk/Stoicism-Kids-Resilience-Emotional-Development/dp/B0C6C63KJR

As PP posted I'm also a big fan of pets at this age.

I'm obviously not saying it's normal for an 8/9 y/o, and may require inintervention, but may help alongside.