Anxiety in 12 year old - can't do things he loves 😓

[AnonymousMum37]

DS12 has developed quite a severe anxiety issue over the past couple of years. He used to swim 3x a week including triathlon training. He took part in several Jr triathlons and loved swimming the most of all. A couple of years ago he started having what we thought were breathing issues during the running, he would get out of breath and scared and then fall behind and it was a cycle. We went to the GP who got him to trial an inhaler. It didn't work and DS said he'd had enough of triathlon anyway so he quit. I thought fair enough, it was all getting a bit competitive for his age and he just wanted to have fun.
Then he completed the final swimming lesson level and his teacher put him forward for a club. He tried this but had a kind of panic attack before going in. He was pacing and said he just couldn't do it. He did eventually go in late but the next week he couldn't make himself do it and begged to go back to lessons. The teacher let him rejoin that group but after a few weeks she broke her foot and he had a different teacher, and he started refusing to go. One week he felt sick, another he was too tired etc, eventually I gave him an ultimatum he had to go or I stop paying but he desperately wanted to keep swimming and promised he would go. Well that was weeks ago and he's managed one lesson, the rest he has been at home pacing and shaking and hyperventilating saying he wants to but he just can't. His teacher came back but he still couldn't make himself go. He asked to change to the junior fitness swim session and I arranged this, but last week he still didn't go. Today he was all geared up and went to get changed but never came out, I found him in a changing room shaking and saying he wants to but he can't do it and he doesn't know why. I even offered him an expensive Lego set he is saving for if he went but he couldn't and we went home after 30 minutes of trying.

Wmi have got him a GP appointment but I wondered if anyone had had similar or had any suggestions?

I'm so worried about him. He's gone from so confident and capable to this and I feel like it's getting worse.

I would stop all organised swimming sessions and just take him to fun swimming as and when he fancies it.

Performance anxiety is natural, so firstly normalise his feelings. Let him know others feel it too. No more bribes. Take up some no pressure activities where you can chat casually eg walking side by side, ice cream, a two player game. And stop stressing yourself, kids pick up on parental stress big time.

Can you go swimming with him? Maybe a family swimming trip once a week can replace the lessons for now to take the pressure off. If it’s not working, he probably needs a break from swimming for a bit.

My DS has had anxiety about confined spaces since he was a tot and refused to go in lifts. He's 13 now and it has gotten much worse; we recently missed our summer holiday because he got so anxious on the plane that we had to get straight back off.

He has started having CBT, the idea of which is to give him the tools to be more in control of his thoughts and not let the anxiety control him. He's feeling very positive about it. Maybe your DS would respond well to it too?