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Child mental health

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How far to push sports

7 replies

SilverDoublet · 29/06/2025 15:37

My son is 11 and very reluctantly does a lot of sports. He is in a small school with very few boys in his class. The backstory is that my husband is quite sporty, still plays 5 a side football and it's all he and his dad ever talk about, there is always a match on in the background when we visit. My side of the family is the complete opposite, nerdy, into individual solitary type interests such as books, art, film, DIY, music.

My son is usually doing a different sport every evening after school, some of them he does willingly such as soccer and hockey with his school, but my husband is insisting he also does 2 other sports as well, which he really doesn't want to do. It's a constant battle trying to get him to go. I've said I'm not having any more to do with it and maybe it's time to listen to our son and stop forcing him to go. He insists that's wrong and we have to make him go and our son is just being lazy. He's insisting because he thinks it's essential for his mental health and it's a way to be part of something and not be isolated and so he can meet more boys than just the handful in his class. He keeps pointing to my brothers and saying my parents failed them by not forcing them to do sports... 2 of my brothers have probably had undiagnosed depression /social anxiety but I don't know if that's why.

My son is very bright, he's musical and plays 2 instruments and sings in a choir which he seems to really enjoy, but my husband thinks that's a waste of time and he needs to give them up, especially as the choir and band will be clashing with 2 of his sports. In his free time however, my son is completely addicted to screens and gaming and ignores the rest of the family, so my husband thinks it's the only way to get him away from screens.

Who's right? I feel it's taking a toll on our younger kids as we're constantly ferrying 11yr old around to matches and training and the younger ones (2 girls) haven't got to do any sports themselves.

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 29/06/2025 15:41

He doesn't need to do four sports
Focus on one or two he wants to do
Listen to your ds
And if he likes music that s cool

fatgirlswims · 29/06/2025 15:48

You are right 2 sports is plenty if he doesn’t like sport and has lots of other interest. I still think a sport that can be done solo when older is a good idea such as running or swimming. Plus a team sport.

Your husband is an insufferable bully to make him drop his passions because he think they’re pointless.

it not like he’s asking to join the dungeons and dragons team or spend 27/7 gaming.

AudiobookListener · 29/06/2025 16:53

If you don't enjoy sport then the right number to do out of school is 0. They get enough in school. You need to protect your son from your bullying husband who seems to be irrationally prejudiced against more intellectual hobbies.

Anna20MFG · 29/06/2025 16:57

I think your husband sounds worried about your son. You could explain to him that music and choir are also good for mental health, sense of community and belonging, and actually may have a longer lifetime than sports too. But I think you need to sit down with your son and talk it through with him to find a compromise, which I guess would be keeping the two he enjoys. Also discuss with your husband that the younger one needs attention too.

Ontherocksthisyear · 29/06/2025 17:16

If anything your husband forcing him to do sport is going to have the opposite effect on his mental health. Growing up not feeling comfortable pursuing your own interests out of fear of disappointing others/ feeling like you must conform by taking in part in things you don't want is going to cause him a lot of issues. It's going to eat away at his confidence and his ability to stand up and assert himself. Which he will need to do if he wants to maintain healthy relationships as an adult.... and this is coming from an occupational therapist. Forcing him to do an activity he doesn't want to do in hopes it will take him away from the screen is not the right way to go about it at all. Intellectual hobbies are just as important, more so, if that is your interest than sport. Your husband is displaying traits of toxic masculinity. Just because your son is a boy, it does not mean he has to like sport, no ifs, no buts... he simply does not have to do any, if it doesnt make him happy. Plenty of well rounded, intelligent, highly paid male musicians, academics, and authors out there.

LadyQuackBeth · 29/06/2025 17:24

At 11 it will naturally cut down in quantity as his sports will expect multiple sessions a week. He should choose the ones he likes best - so drop one h doesn't like, take an extra session of football or hockey. That will keep everyone happy, it sounds like.

Similarly, sort out the screens separately so it isn't an either or.

He's hardly overdoing sport if its 3-4 times a week and the choir/music sounds a nice balance.

HonoriaBulstrode · 29/06/2025 17:25

Well you need to do something about the screens and gaming, your husband has a point there.

But music and choir are just as valid a way of spending time as sport. The more varied interests someone has the better.

Is he Yr 6 or Yr 7? If he's going up to secondary in September, there'll be a bigger pool of potential friends than he has now.

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