Help me ‘diagnose’ my child

[mumwhoneedshalp]

name changed for this,
bit of background, my sons 10, I had him assessed for ADHD and they have said he doesn’t have it, he needed to show signs at school or the clinic as well as home which he did not.
so main issues, he has terrible meltdowns, often after school, these can last hours and could be over something simple as saying we can’t play a game right now ( as an example)
a meltdown will consist of throwing things, screaming swearing at me, he will hurt him self, used to be head bashing a few years ago but now its
putting
bags over his head or
things round his neck.
This hasn’t being often lately as he has being playing out with his friends a lot which seems to help immensely but in winter this happens often.
he will want to purposefully annoy you, he will go on and on at you ( and I mean he can do this for hours) to get a reaction out of you, he is especially bad with his brother who he is awful to, he seems to enjoy it when you finally crack and shout back ( I do try to avoid this)
he also makes noises like little screams and yells and he likes to jump and climb around the house spin round in circles and he likes to touch everything. he is very loud and when he is heightened he talks manically.
he on the other hand can also be in situations where he doesn’t speak at all, like not a word, although this hasn’t happened for a while.
these are my main issues, he is similar out of the house, however in front of certain people he is able to contain it, he is pretty good in school, and seems to be scared to get into trouble and worried what the teachers think.
he also sometimes will spray things in his mouth, think dettol, or he went to his friends house the other day and sprayed something from his garden in his mouth which turned out to be acid ( and burnt his mouth) when I asked why he did it he just said he was thirsty and thought it might be water. He is very impulsive in general.
he also doesn't seem to
feel pain, he broke his collar bone and
didn't even cry.
Anyway clinic has said no not adhd, said anxiety and sensory issues but I just feel there’s more to it.
i have looked at sensory processing disorder but I’m not sure, i don’t know what to go to the doctors and ask for.
i waited 18 months nearly two years for his adhd assessment and I just don’t know where to go from here.
anyone got any ideas?

I'm a mum of 4 autistic children.
I'd definatley look at autism for your son and as a part of that look at the traits of autism that are called PDA (pda society website).

Mum of an autistic child here. This sounds very much like autism to me.

sorry I should have said- when they did the adhd assessment although they weren't assessing for autism ( I tried to
change to a dual but it was too late in the process) in the feedback meeting I asked if they thought it was autism as if they think that they put it in the report to be able to send to the doctors to get a referral for an assessment but they said they didn’t think it was this either. 😔

It seems like autism. Often a pda profile won’t be picked up to begin with. Seems like more than spd with anxiety. That’s a shame that you ended up going for an ADHD assessment instead. I think you need to try again with an autism clinic who are familiar with the pda profile.

I'd start to keep a diary as evidence and then go back and ask for a referral for an autism assessment.
Look into things like selective mutism, vocal stimming, sensory seeking behaviour.
He's likely masking his difficulties at school and then exploding at home (Google the coke bottle effect).
I was told for years that my daughter was just anxious, it's taken 4 years of waiting and finally she has her diagnosis.

If you use the right to choose service, the current waiting time for KT Healthcare is approx 6-8 weeks for ASD.

There are people qualified to diagnose your child. It's not for parents to do for obvious reasons.

Is there any way that these behaviours are a trauma response? There's a lot of research (as unpopular as it seems on here) showing the overlap of symptoms of trauma and neurodevelopmental difficulties. If professionals, whose job it is to assess neurodevelopmental conditions, have said that it isn't ASD or ADHD, then you should be looking at a differential diagnosis. Usually the most likely is complex/attachment trauma.

thanks everyone, I know it sounds like autism and I do work with autistic adults so I do know about autism and I am surprised they have said it’s neither. I do find it strange that when I’ve checked the report it says the team found no traits of autism ( again they were not actually testing for this) but it goes on to mention how he becomes fixated on certain things. how he will only eat the same foods for months at a time, how he struggles with a change in plans and how this can lead to a meltdown, as well as everything posted above. But they have put they found no autistic traits, so I just don’t understand but then they are the experts…

@WeNeedAChristmasRoom
what do you mean by complex/ attachment, they did ask if there was any specific trauma and I just happened to mention how when I was pregnant with him we were in a car accident but obviously he wasn’t born but she said how it didn’t matter and could still have an affect. I did struggle with antenatal depression too ( which I didn’t tell them) but it went once he was born. if it is complex/ trauma what can I do about this?
I suppose I want to be able to go to the GP and tell them what I would like him to be referred to so I can hopefully then be able to get him the right help. I don’t wana waste another two years waiting for assessments to find out it’s not that.

@mumwhoneedshalp complex/attachment trauma is usually something like ongoing postnatal depression or, more often, being in a family where there is domestic abuse. I would be asking the GP for a CAMHS referral to see a child psychotherapist in those circumstances.

That said, if you could manage to get a child psychotherapist without that history, there used to be a research centre, the Tavistock Autism Workshop, since the 80s, that showed a number of autistic children suffered with their symptoms less, having had child psychotherapy.