Adult Child Depressed No Friends

[Isitmeffs]

Just after some advice and if anyone has had a similar experience either themselves or with their DD

My DD is in year 2 at Uni, quite far from home and only can get home in the hols.

She’s pretty quiet and struggles with anxiety and communication skills.
She has had a rough ride at Uni but has stuck with it. She has a close friend at home and a couple of others that she doesn’t see as much.
Just recently her friend at home doesn’t seem to want to know her which has been really upsetting. She understands that she is the one at Uni and her friend here at home has just got on with her life and it’s up to her to get in contact with her when she’s home and during Uni term. Some of the communication has been a bit hit and miss between the two, but I thought that they were ok after Easter when they hung out again. My DD has also had problems at Uni, she had a first boyfriend and he ended the relationship along with turning a few friends against her - they are friends that live with him. In all honestly its been a nightmare. But I stand my DD she’s a lovely girl, but has always got herself into a bit of mess just due to phaps lack of communication. She told her friend back home all about what had been going on at Uni and that’s partly why she has not been in touch as much, due to her being so upset about BF. Initially her friend seemed to be supportive but when DD went back to Uni after Easter there was no messaging between them again. My DD has just got back from Uni and has found out that this friend via Instagram is on holiday with another friend my DD knows and was never asked. Her whole world has come crushing down on her and she’s deeply depressed not to have been invited with tons of pics on Instagram for her to see. She feels she has no friends here or at Uni and I’m at a lost to know what to do or say. I know she’s an adult but I feel so upset for her. My DH takes the view that Her friend here at home has every right not to mention the holiday as DD doesn’t get in touch when she’s away and this girl is getting on with her life. But I take the view that My DD has had a rough time and this so called friend could have at least got in touch to mention the holiday. Any advice would be most welcome. Thanks

If it is a term-time holiday,perhaps there is no reason why the friend should have even considered inviting your dd. Also, it does seem pretty natural for this friendship to cool a little bit in the circs you describe.

I mean this kindly, but you do seem to be unusually engaged with the detail of her social ins and outs. I wondered whether this indicated a dynamic between you and dd in which you both accidentally enlarge the sense of challenge and worry around friendship. Could you try stepping back from this issue a bit. Friendships might thrive more naturally if the heat of scrutiny is not so heavy on them

Thank you for your reply PlasticAcrobat - the holiday is out of term time, they’ve only just gone.
My reason for advice is because I feel it’s unhealthy that she only has me. Obv I’m not at Uni so not involved in friendships etc. it’s just she feels she now has no one to hang out with and I’m concerned for her mental health if she’s in her bedroom all the time. She is trying to get a summer job which hopefully will help.

It’s really hard watching your daughter feel left out and down, especially after a tough time at uni. That holiday situation would hurt anyone. It’s good she’s looking for a summer job, hopefully that gives her something to focus on and maybe some new connections. Just being there for her like you are really does matter, even if it doesn’t feel like enough right now.