Potential anxiety

[ShimmerPot]

I'm coming here as a last resort as I feel I've explored all other options.

My daughter is 9 and for the past 3-4 years she has shown symptoms of anxiety. At her worst, she wasn't sleeping or eating, getting frequent UTI's. The past month or so her anxiety seems to be back and worse than ever, she's constantly crying at the thought of certain situations, wakes in the night and cannot get back to sleep, is biting her nails and skin until they bleed. She reports of a headache and stomach ache, and symptoms of acid reflux (we have a gp appointment booked to discuss to ensure there aren't any underlying issues). Certain days I can't even get her out of the door for school and she doesn't go all together. She is also showing some signs of OCD and has intrusive thoughts.

I am a single mum and the relationship with myself and her Dad is strained. She has always had access apart from a period of time when her anxiety was at its worst and we ended up attending court for an arrangements order. She isn't in a position where she feels she can speak to Dad about her feelings regarding contact, and the fact she doesn't want to have contact appears to be a trigger for her anxiety.

My question is, what can I do as a Mum to help her?

First: I’m so sorry to hear this. It’s heart breaking.
have you explored the simole things?
diet?
screentime?
sleep?
plenty of water?
do you spend quality time together ? Cooking, talking ?
dows she express her worries ?

She does, she's really open and honest with me, we have a brilliant relationship. Its been just me and her for 6 years until I met my now husband and had our little boy just over a year ago. Shes my little bestie and we do more or less everything together (a little less now she's entering the pre teen phase though)

I thought it could be hormones as it seems to come and go, but as of late I've noticed more correlation between her symptoms and the days she spends at Dads.

Sorry I didn’t read it properly - so would she rather NOT see dad ?

She says so, and there are some concerns there, but there's an order in place so it makes it tricky. He's to collect her from school so now we're at the point where she's refusing to go to school and crying that much she's sick on those days.

This is awful. I don’t know how the law works. Personally I would say if you don’t want to see dad you don’t have to. And I would go to the ends of the earth to ensure she didn’t have to see him. Practically though I don’t know what the repercussions on this are ? This is awful. I would report all this to the school or social worker ? Build a case ?

My dd was like this at 9. Very similar. She was diagnosed AUDHD a few years later.

500 children are referred to CAMHS for anxiety each day, so it’s very common. Are the UTIs ongoing? Sorry to ask, but could there be any sexual abuse involved?

I've done both of the above and this weekend she hasn't seen Dad because of the stress its putting on her, we have a gp appointment tomorrow to discuss things but otherwise I've tried everything. She does write her feelings down in a journal which I think helps slightly, but I just dont know how else to handle the situation as I've tried everything. Hopefully the GP may have some advice on what to do next! Thank you for your help. It is the most heartbreaking thing in the world, I want to wrap her in cotton wool but its such a tricky situation

No sexual abuse, UTI's were investigated by paediatrics and she hasn't had one since 2024 which is reassuring. Its scary that this is so common, nobody should have to experience it especially innocent children. Its stealing her childhood and its heartbreaking

My DD went through an anxious phase at a slightly younger age, especially at night. I reassured her with books and Relax Kids CDs. I hope you get a sympathetic GP who will refer your DD to CAMHS. It’s worrying that your DD’s anxiety seems to be connected with seeing her Dad. Please talk to someone at YoungMinds.

https://www.camhs-resources.co.uk/apps-1

Is the dad thing just a hook to hang free floating anxiety on? She sounds like she is struggling with change and has picked up on this.