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Self harm scars

8 replies

WittyBeaker · 19/06/2025 18:23

Hi my 14 year old DD has self harm scars on her thighs and she is recovering and dealing with why so we all set on that side and she is now ready to wear shorts but will show her scars. We have a 8year old DD how do we explain these or what do we say. The scars are far from the cat did it or she fell. I will put a picture for reference to what the scars look like and where and they are still very pink at this current time.

Any help would be helpful
And again she is in therapy and is doing so much better. And is ready to accept her scars and move forwards.

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Self harm scars
OP posts:
Newyeargymwanker · 19/06/2025 18:29

I should think you’ll undermine your daughters recovery entirely if you denied her scars?
why would your eight year old ask about them? Do you not teach her it’s rude to comment on other people’s body’s?
And if she did, wouldn’t you just say that they are scars and they are healing? At a push, I would say ‘some people have scars’ and leave it at that?
Lying makes everything worse.

Ginflinger · 19/06/2025 18:43

Well done to your daughter. And to you. I don't have advice but I just really hope it goes well for her.

Pinkissmart · 19/06/2025 18:52

Ask her what SHE wants her sibling to know.

Romanticrights · 19/06/2025 18:53

I agree with previous poster, to keep it simple and explain it is a part of her, or just labelling them as scars, rather than making something up. On a side note; it is fantastic that she is starting to accept them. Some CAMHS services have access to skin camouflage services which are fantastic - if she wishes to cover them at any point Flowers

marthasmum · 19/06/2025 18:56

Hi OP my child has self-harm scars. It’s really great that your DD has been in therapy and feels comfortable to wear clothes that show the scars. It’s a bit of a double edged sword to say this, but sadly self harm scars are more common and I do think people are less likely to be shocked than they were. I don’t know if it helps but I think of them as showing where you’ve been (I have some myself - not severe ones but I do have some understanding). I think the advice to ask your DD and to be brief and factual to your 8 year old is good advice.
also, it seems really positive that your DD is open with you about this and her recovery.

TheOrbOfTheEmmisary · 20/06/2025 16:30

Pinkissmart · 19/06/2025 18:52

Ask her what SHE wants her sibling to know.

A thousand times this.
Phrase it right, so she doesn't feel like it is, "and what do we tell your sister, huh?" but so she knows that you want to respect her narrative.

Sthoremouse · 23/06/2025 22:09

I self harmed from age 6 to almost 15.

Unfortunately age 8 isn't an age to not know about SH. I believe you should be open, ONLY if your older child is comfortable, if they're happy to share, although in an appropriate way. If your SHing child isn't happy to share, cover for them.

I'm now in my late 20s, haven't SH in many years and have covered scars with tattoos.

Hopefully your DD will be happy one day.

If you ever want help or support from someone who understands, @WittyBeaker you're welcome to private message me, I understand it's a difficult subject to discuss.

NJLX2021 · 24/06/2025 03:43

Another personal story - I self harmed badly when I was young, arms and legs are visibly bad, even nearly 20 years later.. But honestly, if I was trying to advise myself, I would say that although it is hard, you need to help her on her journey to accepting that as a part of her life and not being ashamed.

I got over hiding mine in public a while ago, but professionally it took a lot longer. It has only really been in the last year or two that I've stopped hiding things in my work environment. You almost need a "fuck you" attitude, of "I'm not going to be ashamed of my body, or the struggles that I went through" etc.

I don't think lying about it helps that, it just re-enforces the shame.

But equally, I don't think you need to explain it to a young child.

I would personally just keep it very vague. if a kid asked me, I wouldn't explicitly say where the scars came from, but I also wouldn't lie about it. I would just say that its something that happened a long time ago, or just brush off the question by saying it isn't polite to ask about people's scars, or something like "oh, those just came from a hard time in my life" etc.

Not lying, No shame, but also not exposing young kids to information that might upset them.

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